Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Something's Rotten In the State of Vornheim


In our Vayniris campaign last week, I heard the players grumbling about lack of character options.  At the campaign start, I had limited the characters to just using 4e Essentials character classes and options.  I listened and thought about it.  Expanding the options and classes didn't really make my life any more difficult - just theirs - so I opened the floodgates.  The players could use any race, class, or option available in the character builder.

Everyone rebuilt their character for tonight's game.

Tim made a warforged.  For those in the know, that is basically a magic metal robot.  His class was a mentalist (or something like that,)  which basically meant that he was a psychic magic metal robot.  Tim played him very much like C3-PO, but not meaning to.  I had to point it out to him - though I still dont' think he believed me - even though he had named the character THREE.

So the guys were in a bad guy's house in Vayniris - straight outta Vornheim.  They were in the middle of a fight in the entryway.  It was a big room, and the PCs were nicely spread out - all far away from each other.  One was even running into the next room - the kitchen - chasing a minion.  You know - perfect 4e split the party set-up.  It was so perfect that Wil Wheaton's ghost almost materialized.

Well, I took that moment to have a nasty creature of Zak's pop out of a doorway and go for the closest character - which was the Cleric of Pelor - Sunny.  The creature's attack ignored her armor and dissolved Sunny's scale mail into goo with one strike.  I was happy with myself.  Rarely does anything like that happen in 4e.  A player's possessions are pretty sacrosanct.  Only a real bastard would melt someone's armor.

Heh Heh Heh.

Tim's eyes bugged out.  His turn was next.  His magic robot took one look at the metal dissolving beast and ran out of the room.  He ran out into the road and continued running down the road.

Everyone else busted out laughing uncontrollably.  I started laughing so hard . . . I laughed so hard . . . well . . . I laughed so hard that I farted.

I think no one heard because of the laughter.  I said sorry, but no one responded - I think because of all the noise form laughing.  I hope it was because no one heard any of it.

Oh well.  They all know now - or soon will.  But dammit - it was worth a fart.  It was damn funny.

This is why I role play.

Well, not to have an excuse to fart in public - but - well . . . I should probably just shut up now.

- Ark


  1. I just spat my cornflakes all over my monitor. Dude, seriously, you need to post a "finish your cereal first" breakfast warning if you plan on putting up something so funny!

    Now I know why I never played a warforged.

  2. This is one of the best session reports I have ever read.

    What do you think of party balance now that the PCs are building their PCs with the generator? When I was new to 4e, I did a "PHB only" game because I had no idea who the other races/classes/etc would effect play. You guys seem to be rolling along quite nicely, though.

  3. @Brian - Well, at least you didn't inhale the cornflakes. I wouldn't want to kill people with my blog. ;)

    @Christian - Thanks. :) All of the party members deal more damage than before. That's just the nature of having all the powers available. I just have to throw harder things at them.

    One thing I didn't expect - there are lots of powers that rely on the rules to be effective. I mean, my application of the rules. I'm used to judging on the fly. For example, one character built his character as a grappling fighter - built to be effective around the specific 4e grappling rules. He was getting frustrated at my lackadaisical usage of those rules. I was just modifying the rules to go with whatever I felt was right at the time - probably flipping back and forth through 30+ years of rules in different gaming systems in my head about how grappling should happen. If I just 'made it up as I went along,' his character couldn't effectively do what it was designed to do. I didn't expect that when I opened up the floodgates of 4e powers.

    He expected me to follow the published rules. How dare he. :) But yeah - very frustrating from the players side if the DM is a flake like me. So opening up all of the classes and powers can open up more expectations from the players that the DM actually enforce the rule per the book.

    Crazy, I know, but yeah.


    - Ark

  4. Awesome story! That's why I prefer playing at my house... so I can tear ass without regret...

  5. @Aplus - lol. I try not to do that when anyone is present - but sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do. :)

    - Ark