Florence and the TPK . . .
We got to play DCCRPG again on Saturday!
It was decided - by me, mainly - that my character Florence the Witch was just the kind of person to sneak out of the wretched dungeon from last game and leave her captured party members behind to rot. So Florence did just that, hooking up with her NPC lackey Clarissa, who had been watching the horses outside of the dungeon, and traipsing off to parts unknown.
I should add here that when playing an asshole character, it's best to have buy-in from the rest of the players. They were really quite ready to roll up new characters, so this gave them an excuse to start fresh, and gave me the enjoyment of role-playing a quite horrible person.
Kaye rolled up a cleric, but The Boy and Merwyn wanted another slew of zero-level funnel characters.
Have I mentioned that around here people love the hell out of the Funnel? Even a Funnel in Space? They most emphatically do.
I was curious how Crazy-Ass Tim was going to pull off a funnel with half of the party. He did it quite well, actually. The zero level horde and the cleric joined Florence since they were travelling in the same direction after their village was destroyed by orcs. As they continued along, they saw a large wall bisecting the valley they were traversing, and an absolute ton of people that looked like peasants and refugees.
The party continued on through the crowds of peasants to the wall, but the peasants were getting uppity. Florence happened to have a cart full of food, but had put one of the zero level characters in charge of it. He was Lev the Tax Collector, and he wasn't about to hand over anything to anyone no way.
The hungry peasants began to shred the zero level characters. The party began hacking them to pieces in return, but also throwing copper pieces into the crowd to distract. Eventually the peasants were disbursed, but alas, Florence's lackey Clarissa was murdered.
Then Crazy-Ass Tim let us do something odd - replenish our fallen with the very peasants who attacked us. They, um, liked the cut of our jib? Or maybe just knew who had the food and weapons and wanted in.
Florence found a starving peasant girl named Veronica and made the girl her new lackey. Florence renamed Veronica to Clarissa #2, though. It was too much a bother to remember a new name. Veronica didn't seem to mind, as long as she was fed. Florence decided to rename the next lackey Clarissa #3 when this new one dies.
Is it dawning on you that I am taking the 'YOU ARE NOT A HERO' blurb from the back of the DCC book seriously yet? :)
Sounds about right, actually. Kind of like Death Valley Free Prison. (Thanks Kyrinn!)
The party eventually met someone from inside the city that said he could get them in if they agreed to . . . well . . . they weren't exactly sure what they agreed to - indentured servitude or something like it - but they got out of Shanty Town and into the city proper.
Apparently, Crazy-Ass Tim has been making sweet love to Les Misérables lately, so the city turned out to be a Magically Electric 19th Century Paris where everyone was . . . miserable . . . oddly enough, and had either French or Cardassian names, wore cloaks, and lived in palafitte. The party met their new patron/owner, who was some rich dude with multiple wives, and he set them up in a shack on the poor side of town and told them to sit around and wait for him to assign them jobs to do.
So, this is where it gets odd. DCC has Mercurial Magic - which means that each spell a magic user can cast has something odd about it - rolled randomly. Well, Good old Flo the Witch has Magic Missile, but every time she casts it, something random nearby turns to lead, and something else turns to gold. The other players clench their sphincters in dread every time she pops off a magic missile.
Florence thinks it's really nifty, but everyone else gets stuck with useless gold and lead weapons at critical times during combat. Or gets a bag full of lead coins - which is what happened during the Peasant Gauntlet.
Well, the party was wandering around the city and a thief snagged one of their money bags - a bag of copper coins that had been turned to lead. They never did catch up with the thief, but felt that he deserved the bag of lead and didn't think much about it.
Talk about awkward. It's bad enough they think the party has a counterfeiting device. If the mob discovers that Flo is the Goose That Laid the Golden Egg, then she'll end up kidnapped and locked in a dank dungeon, where she will spend the rest of her life casting magic missile until she is nothing but tentacles brought on by blown casting rolls.
Not good. Luckily they got a job from their patron. They have to stop a ship from leaving port in a few days. They know nothing else about the job. But Florence figures that if they can convince the Mafia that the Ship's captain knows where the coins come from, and is part of some larger conspiracy, then they can kill two birds with one stone.
Or spend the rest of her life in a dungeon casting magic missile. Talk about pressure. Some might call it karma.