Friday, November 21, 2014

Never Use The Bathroom

Never use the bathroom while playing D&D.

I mean it.


What happened?  I'll tell you what happened.  So, the party is in Suzail, the capital of Cormyr.  Lady Sarafina is trying to be of service to the crown in order to bump up her Cormyrian noble status to something above 'Lady Consort to her Husband the Earl.'  Yeah, sure, she's a Vicountess in a fealty chain extending to Neverwinter, but Sarafina thinks Lord Neverember is a prick and will never bow down before him.  Thus she finds herself trying to kiss the King of Cormyr's ass.  (Sorry, Faerûn PoliSci 101 might be needed here . . . just understand that she's trying to impress royal folks.)

The party, which consists of Lady Sarafina, Caine the Woodsman, Tim the Enchanter (aka Auschwitz Elf because he is painfully skinny) and Sir Kriev the Dragonborn Knight, have been doing odd jobs for a royal minister - like cleaning out demonically possessed prisons.  But one day they find the minister dead in the royal castle.  The guards are not too interested in properly investigating the death, so Lady Sarafina takes charge, blustering and ordering people around like usual.

While questioning the gardener, Sarafina discovers him to be a cagey little bastard, who tries to run from her the multiple times.  During one of his more lucid moments, he said that during the night he had seen a woman shuck off her clothes and toss them into one of the pools in the royal garden.  Grumpy and feeling bloated (Sarafina is pregnant with twins at the moment, btw,) she beat the gardener unconscious, tied him up, and dragged him to the pool.

At the pool was a man in fancy clothes surrounded by a flock of women.

I take this opportunity to GO TO THE BATHROOM.

I return to find the party being ARRESTED BY SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.

What the fuck?

Well, what happened was the man in fancy clothes made a smart ass remark to the party while I was gone.  Tim the Enchanter polymorphed the dude into a FROG, and Sir Kriev picked him up and skipped him like a stone into the pond.

Apparently, that is no way to treat a Crown Prince of Cormyr.




- Ark

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