Monday, November 26, 2018

The Ensign's Log Podcast

Playing Star Trek Adventures has given me impetus to dive back into the various Star Trek TV series(es) and movies with wild abandon.  In the process, I ran into a little gem called the Ensign's Log Podcast over at Lemme Listen Podcasts.  It's not an original idea - the log of a lowly ensign on a Federation starship, but it's the most hilarious thing related to Star Trek I've ever heard.

The creators, Jason Harding and Steve Shives, take a TOS episode and make a podcast during and/or related to the events therein.  These guys know their stuff - they've thought far too much about the Star Trek universe and just go nuts describing people who work for Star Fleet, their crazy antics, and the bizarre guest star in each episode.

The show is not for the faint of heart, though.  It's definitely not safe for work and you should probably give the first two episodes a listen before recommending it to anyone - keeping in mind that it only gets more inappropriate and hilarious.

They release episodes about every two weeks.  It's become a tradition with me to spend a night watching the TOS episode referenced (they go in Netflix order,) and then listen to the podcst.  I spend a lot of the time giggling.  Like, a lot.  Like, more than I should probably casually admit.  In my head, the Ensign's Log Podcast is now Star Trek canon.

With the help of my STA GM Sam, I even statted up the two main characters in the show.  Sam may allow our characters to travel back in time to "meet" Barclay and Riker.  I've tried to keep spoilers to a minimum in these write-ups.  A LOT happens though - a lot of changes, so these are their character sheets for just the first couple of episodes.  Enjoy!

- Ark


Ensign Jason "Barclay"
Internal Communications Officer

Ensign Jason "Barclay" is a somewhat neurotic internal communications officer aboard a certain well-known Constellation class starship.  Having little to do aboard the starship, he decided to engage in the ancient Earth art-form of "podcasting," though the actual broadcasts appear to have been lost in space and time (literally.)

Traits: Human, Vulcan (1/4)
- Weirder Things Have Happened
- I'll Just Shunt It Through The Warp Drive
- Wait, I Read About This In Someone's Private Communications
- Why Is This Happening To Me?

Control  09
Daring   08
Fitness  07
Insight  08
Presence 08
Reason   10

Command     00
Conn        01
Security    01
Engineering 02
Science     02
Medicine   01

 - Subspace Communications
 - Power Systems
 - Warp Field Dynamics
 - Computers
 - Investigation
 - Starfleet Protocol
 - 21st Century Historian

 - Cautious (Engineering): Whenever you attempt a Task with Engineering, and you buy one or more d20s by spending Momentum, you may re-roll a single d20.
 - Studious: Whenever you spend one or more Momentum to Obtain Information, you may ask one additional question (in total, not per Momentum spent.)
 - Intense Scrutiny: Whenever you succeed at a Task using Reason or Control as part of an Extended Task, you may ignore 2 Resistance for every Effect rolled.
 - Jury-Rig: Whenever you attempt an Engineering Task to perform repairs, you may reduce the Difficulty by 1, to a minimum of 0. If you do this, however, then the repairs are only temporary and will last only a single scene, plus one additional scene per Momentum spent (Repeatable) before they fail again. Jury-rigged repairs can only be applied once, and the Difficulty to repair a device that has been jury-rigged increases by 1.

Determination: 01
Stress:        08
Resistance:    00

 - Red Uniform
 - Communicator
 - Tricorder
 - Tina the Iguana
 - Chicken-salad Sandwich


Ensign Steve "Riker"
Security Officer

Ensign Steve "Riker" is a lackadaisical security officer aboard a certain well-known Constellation class starship.  Having little interest in going on away missions or 'securing' anything, he would prefer to spend his time gossiping and getting to know the ladies around the ship a little better.

Traits: Human
- Don't Worry, I Got This
- Why Should I Have To Work In An Artificial Economy?
- I'm Mr. Popular
- This Is Fine (I'm Okay With The Events That Are Currently Unfolding)

Control  08
Daring   09
Fitness  09
Insight  08
Presence 10
Reason   08

Command     01
Conn        01
Security    01
Engineering 00
Science     00
Medicine   01

 - Leisure
 - Carousing
 - Pet Care
 - Teleporters
 - Security
 - Composure
 - Improvisation

 - Resolute: You increase your maximum Stress by 3.
 - Dauntless: Whenever you attempt a Task to resist being intimidated or threatened, you may add a bonus d20 to your dice pool.
 - Defuse the Tension: Whenever you attempt a Task to persuade someone not to resort to violence, you may add a bonus d20 to your dice pool.
 - Bargain: When negotiating an offer with someone during Social Conflict, you may re-roll a d20 on your next Persuade Task to convince that person. If the Social Conflict involves an Extended Task, you gain the Progression 1 (page 91 of the Star Trek Adventures core rulebook) benefit when you roll your Challenge Dice.

Determination: 01
Stress:        10
Resistance:    00

 - Red Uniform
 - Communicator
 - Spot the Hyper-Intelligent Space Dog
 - Romulan Ale
 - Sound-Baffling Underwear