Rather Gamey

Hitchhiker's

2012-02-26T23:43:00.000-06:00

Last week I was at the book store with my son. I was digging through some art books, looking for hints on how to draw the human form, when The Boy came up behind me.

"Can I get this?" he asked. I turned around. He was clutching a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"Well for fuck's sake yes you can fucking have it," I replied. Okay, that's not exactly what I said, but that's what I meant.

Now, after a few days of The Boy regaling me with stories of Marvin the Paranoid Android and explaining to me the meaning of the number 42, I've decided that I'm pretty happy with the universe and - given the chance - I'd make it my home for a second time.

- Ark

PS

"Now the world has gone to bed
Darkness won't engulf my head
I can see by infra-red
How I hate the night

Now I lay me down to sleep
Try to count electric sheep
Sweet dream wishes you can keep
How I hate the night"

- Marvin's Lullaby

Dungeonspiration: Snapshots

2012-02-23T23:59:00.000-06:00

I love the way images can inspire ideas. I love to browse pictures to get ideas for stories, games, and art. Here are some things to jostle your brain:

From some bovine racing competition in Sumatra, Pacu Jawi by ~dularif

A different kind of racing animal, Bike with shinny bits by ~koukei

What a lovely home for a Lich, August Burns Red by ~bleed-the-sky

Do the PCs dare move the rocks? Against physics 1 by ~Faunish

A dangerous rainbow impact, Life in the Valley by ~sleepingwithgiants

Nighttime wandering monster roll, Bed by *Hoffine

+1 to Astral Travelling, Magic Mushroom by ~Tul-152

- Ark

You Can Get Addicted To A Certain Kind of Sadness

2012-02-17T01:12:00.000-06:00

No, not game related, but after listing to Gotye like a million times today, I had to do something. :)

- Ark

Practice Responsible Conjurmancy

2012-02-16T07:00:00.000-06:00

These things take forever. I figured I might be faster by now - but no. Oh well, at least I am enjoying the heck out of creating these strips. I'm reminded of something Joseph Campbell said - but I can't remember exactly what. ;)

- Ark

The Phantom Penis

2012-02-12T13:34:00.000-06:00

That, of course, is what I have called the movie for years. It's my least favorite of the Star Wars films. The Phantom Menace was a pretty big let down after so many years of waiting. So, the announcement of a 3d-ifyed version didn't impress me a bit. George Lucas' recent anti-fan rant impressed me even less. So, I vowed not to hand Lucas any more of my money.

"But aren't we going to go see the movie?" the Boy asked, doe-eyed as I began to bad-mouth Lucas during a D&D game.

Crap.

Despite constant viewing of the entire . . . hexology . . . my son has never seen a Star Wars movie in a theater. Meanwhile, I was there for the first showing of the first movie in the Houston Galleria 34 years ago. We viewed it again, and again, and again, in different venues, waiting in lines coiled multiple times around the outside of various theaters.

"You've seen it hundreds of times . . . you dont' really want to see it in a . . ." I stopped, looking into his eyes.

Crap.

"Okay, we'll go," I smiled.

The first Star Wars movie commercial I saw, crammed between Saturday morning cartoons one early morning, sold me on the show immediately. If my parents had said we weren't going to see the new movie, there would have been HELL TO PAY.

So we went yesterday. I wore my goldenrod star fleet t-shirt in silent protest, but I went all the same. We loaded up with coke and popcorn and plopped down in the big, comfy seats.

As always, the 20th Century Fox fanfare got me.

The 3d was . . . well . . . it was there. It wasn't spectacular. It wasn't annoying. It was just there. I am glad that I didn't get any gratuitous 3d Jar Jar tongues in my face. But all in all, the movie wasn't that bad. In fact, there are two parts of the film that I remembered I really liked - the pod race and the battle for Naboo.

It's hard to mess up exploding stuff. And the noises from the pod race - the wub-wub-wub of Sebulba's turbines reverberating in your chest - I mean - that's something I can't get out of my TV at home.

And you've got to admit despite how annoying is when he's hitting on Padme - teeny-tiny Anakin makes a pretty cute little padawan at the end.

Sooo . . . yeah . . . I gave Lucas my money again. Apparently, he'll be getting it at least five more times. In the end, it's quite worth it to see the smile on the Boy's face.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Genealogy

2012-02-09T10:04:00.000-06:00

Not Gunter.

Shortly after I moved to Hollywood, I met a German tourist named Gunter who had a penchant for wearing a green and purple track suit that made him look like Barney the Dinosuar. We spend hours discussing the true meaning of "Fahrvergnügen" and the Hitler's involvement in the creation of Volkswagon. But I'll never forget that the second we met, he locked eyes with me and said excitedly 'I know your people!'

Gunter had done a lot of travelling through East German after the Wall fell, and had just came from another such trip to the US. He said that I looked just like the people around East Berlin. He had seen my face reflected in the streets there.

I didn't know quite what to think of that, but I filed the bit of data away for future use.

Fast-forward two decades and a friend is helping me with my family's genealogy. Research in the area has always been difficult since the family isn't one to remember back far or talk to relatives much. But with my friend's help, we were suddenly getting a lot of hits on Ancestory.com that helped to trace many branches back further than I had ever hoped.

Apparently they have water in Strausberg.

A lady named Margaret stood out. I had never heard of her - my great-great-great-grandmother. She had been born in Strausberg, Germany in 1811 and had come over to Texas at some point. The name of the city sounded vaguely familiar, so I googled it.

Strausberg is a city 30 kilometers east of Berlin.

Wow. Gunter was right.

It still boggles my mind. I have 16 great-great-great-grandmothers, most from many places other than Germany. The fact that Margaret's facial genetics have passed down to me - and held on so strongly - that some guy strolling down Santa Monica Boulevard could identify my genetic homeland - 200 years past - within a range of what - 18 miles - wow.

And here I thought I might look Irish, which is funny because so far, I can't find a lick of Irish in the family tree – despite what I had always been told by family members.

What I can find is Scots-Irish - something differently entirely.

Socks and sweaters anyone?

My patronym is contained in a group called the Little Scottish Cluster. This is a group of families who share a recent Y-DNA genetic relationship. The group centers on a common ancestor who existed around 900 -1100 AD and who lived in the vicinity of Stirlingshire, Scotland. Moving forward to 1618, my ancestors are living in Argyllshire (which is apparently a mountain or two away from Stirlingshire.) They decide - or are chosen - to be colonist. Not in the New World - but Ireland.

I had thought that my family was of the oppressed Irish. All I can find, however, is us being the oppressors. Londonderry was the first planned English city in Ireland, and my ancestors were inhabitants. Apparently, we were all good Protestants, but not the right kind of Protestants (Presbyterians,) and so logically, the best place for us was in to be in Ireland, setting an example to the godless Catholics on how to be proper subjects of the crown.

The Irish are still pissed off about the whole thing.

For 100 years the Irish tried to wipe Londonderry off the map. Understandably so, of course. The history gets very confusing, but at least one of my ancestors survived the countless wars and political upheavals - doing so well against the Irish that everyone in Londonderry was exempt from taxes (a legality which lasted apparently until the Revolutionary War.)

In 1718, my ancestors yet again decided to be colonist as the town Londonderry created it's own colony in the New World. They built the unimaginatively named Londonderry in New Hampshire, and brought my patronym to this new continent on which I sit. While the migration appeared to be economic in origin, it was probably more about religion and the anti-Puritan feelings going on at the time. Supposedly, all of their neighbors thought the Londonderry colonist were Catholic Irish, which irritated the settlers to now end. They were proper Puritan Scots, dammit. A century in Ireland hadn't taken their kilts or haggis away!

So what the heck does all of that have to do with Dungeons and Dragons and inspiring gaming?

Well, what DOESN'T it have to do with it. My little amateurish delve into genealogy and history has jump-started my brain something fierce. There is so much I've learned that can go into world building. It's taught me a few things (or merely reinforced them.)

1) Some families just plain don't move for hundreds or thousands of years, while others are vagabonds.
2) Oral history can be atrociously wrong.
3) Entire groups of people are often used as pawns and made to feel really good about it.
4) Mountain people can be a very mule-headed, stubborn bunch.
5) The amount of history I don't know about my own culture is staggering.
6) Reading histories written by Presbyterian ministers in 1850 can make your eyes bleed.
7) Dominant genetics are far more . . . dominant . . . than I thought.

So eventually, my patronymic family continued to migrate, with my great-great-great grandfather operating a ship out of New Orleans and running guns to the Anglo colonist during the Texas Revolution. After the war he was apparently loaded and helped build a new town in Texas, then married the German genetic powerhouse of a woman - Margaret of Strausberg.

I swear - these people really inspire me. I had no idea that my family could be such a great source of gaming idea. Why not go peruse your own family history, and see how it inspires you?

- Ark

Outsourced Game Report and Sketchdump

2012-02-08T11:28:00.000-06:00

The Boy ran his Labyrinth Lord game last week. It was a good old fashioned Holmesian-B/X style dungeon. The party was made up entirely of gnomes. Okay - Kaye played a half gnome/half orc. I'm not sure what gnomish zeitgeist was in the air - but it worked.

The game started normally in a tavern, and turned strangely Salvador Dali-esque as my son's brain spewed forth with the imagination that only an 11 year old can wield. He far exceeded my meager attempts at being a DM when I was the same age. I had a lot of fun.

Crazy-Ass Tim has a wonderful report on our shared lucid dreaming session, which I suggest you check out. I don't think I could have described it any better.

Meanwhile - please enjoy the sketchdump below:

- Ark

North Texas RPG Con 2012

2012-02-06T22:24:00.000-06:00

I just registered the Boy and I for the North Texas RPG Con. I'm pumped. Last year was very cool.

It's happening in June, from the 7th till the 10th.

The line-up of special guests so far is:

Sandy Petersen, Tim Kask, Jennell Jaquays, Erol Otus, James M. Ward, Frank Mentzer, Jason Braun, Rob Kuntz, Steve Marsh, Steve Winter, Dennis Sustare, Jeff Dee, Jack Herman, Pete Kerestan, Zeb Cook, and Diesel LaForce.

I'm particularly excited about the awesome artists in that list. Some of you may have noticed I've been on a drawing kick as of late. :)

The first thing I guess I should do is apologize to Zeb Cook. I've been bad-mouthing second edition for decades - but now I regularly play it and am enjoying it. Ooops. Sorry Zeb. Musta beena brain fart or something.

- Ark

A Night At The Tavern

2012-02-02T07:00:00.000-06:00

Well, after a few month drawing my head off, I'm not completely disgusted by what I'm spitting out. I'm still 10 light years from what I consider competent - and 5,000 light years from where I want to be - but that seems to be the nature of art and artists.

Shortly after posting the Betty picture, I was approached by an old friend that I hadn't talked to in a long while. He's a pretty prolific author and he's working on a trilogy at the moment - a trilogy that needs cover art - and he wanted to see if I would do them. Life is kind of odd, yanno?

:)

- Ark

Betty

2012-01-28T23:59:00.002-06:00

Okay, so not game related, but I finally had the nerve to try and draw Betty Page. Maybe Betty could attack a pack of PCs from atop a dragon. Yeah. That's the ticket. But for right now, she's just chillin.

Betty has been bikini-ed for your protection. For those of you who are feeling brave and NSFW, hop on over to my deviantArt gallery for the un-bikini-ing. :)

- Ark

New DM Advice

2012-01-27T11:46:00.002-06:00

The Boy has decided to take the plunge and run a one shot Labyrinth Lord game next week. Two years ago, he referreed a game of Savage Worlds - doing very well I might add, but has not been back to that side of the screen since then.

He's eleven years old now, which was the same age that I started DMing. However, he has four years of experience playing rpgs, so he has a huge leg up, and I anticipate that his first game will be about 17 bazillion times better than mine.

The Boy is a bit apprehensive about the prospect of DMing, and the advice his old man has given him probably hasn't calmed his nerves any. I can be somewhat of a morose, haphazard, lazy, doom-and-gloom style game planner. (Just try to kill them - all - horribly - with random monsters and traps far tougher than them. A lot. It's easy! Story? Pffft!) Works for me - but maybe not anyone else.

So, The Boy would gladly appreciate any advice from OTHER PEOPLE on how to DM, pull a one shot together, etc.

Thanks in advance. :)

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Type IV

2012-01-26T13:17:00.000-06:00

As we stand uncomfortably at the windswept gravesite watching the coffin of Fourth Edition Dungeons and Dragons being slowly lowered into the ground, I feel the desire to toss in a white lily. The lily is a symbol of innocence that has been restored to a soul once departed. It expresses purity, majesty, and sympathy.

I owe a lot to Fourth Edition. It had been years since I had played a role playing game when I heard that a new version of D&D was coming out. All of the things that had kept me away from the table - moving around from town to town like a refugee, dating, marriage, college, birthin' a baby, being laid off after 9/11 - all of those things had settled to the point of manageability. I had some time for me again, and here was a fresh new D&D, peeking it's head around the corner.

How could I resist?

Fourth edition finally gave me the impetus to sit down and really read, understand, and implement the entirety of a gaming system. Before, it was enough to get a gist of a game and then fly be the seat of my pants. Type IV begged - demanded - to be understood before played - it being so different and all.

I met a lot of people, played a lot of games, and have friends I never would have because of Fourth Edition. Back in 2007, it was a great rallying point for those of us whom life had whisked away from gaming and were coming back to the fold.

I got to play with minis. I had always wanted to incorporate minis in my games, but beyond using them as a marker for marching order, I'd never gotten to use them. Again, 4th edition demanded their use, and I gladly tossed wads of money to keep myself swimming in little plastic toys.

Fourth Edition was the first role playing game my son ever played, and he loved it. It introduced him to doing math on the fly, use of spatial thinking and strategy, and cooperating with a group of people to complete a complicated task. The game also helped us bond together as father and son in the same way that others bond together with baseball or football or some-such thing.

In the end, however, Fourth Edition D&D never gave me the warm fuzzies that Basic or Advanced Dungeons and Dragons had given me in my youth. At first I thought it was just me, but after a lot of trying and tinkering, it became clear that Type IV wasn't designed to provide what I was looking for. It took a journey into the OSR for me to remember - and rediscover - what I had been looking for all along.

My long, loud break-up with Fourth Edition is well documented on this blog, including embarrassing rants and name-calling, so I don't feel the need to repeat any of it. Let's just say I fell out of love and hired a mean and vindictive lawyer.

This column is about inspiration - and inspiring other. Fourth Edition Dungeons and Dragons inspired me to get back into role-play. It inspired me to get out and meet new people. It has even helped to inspire my son and I to form a closer bond. It even brought me back to the very roots of my gaming career. In those regards, Fourth Edition was far from a failure - but a raging success.

The innocence I once came to Fourth Edition with has been restored by it's death. So yes, I'll gladly toss that lily into the grave.

Fifth Edition is now peeking its head over the horizon. I wonder - what will it inspire?

- Ark

Zak's Question Thingy

2012-01-25T10:32:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm finaly getting around to answering Zak's question thingy:

1. If you had to pick a single invention in a game you were most proud of what would it be?
If realm of game mechanics, I'd say the Dead Simple Lock & Trap Mini-Game.

2. When was the last time you GMed?
Last Saturday.

3. When was the last time you played?
Last Wednesday.

4. Give us a one-sentence pitch for an adventure you haven't run but would like to.
An adventure based on Lorna, The Ark, one of Alfonso Azpiri's Heavy Metal stories. Kind of like Metamorphosis Alpha, except with less clothing.

5. What do you do while you wait for players to do things?
Move on to the next player. Gotta keep things rolling. If I'm waiting for ALL the players, then I calmly and quietly plot their deaths.

6. What, if anything, do you eat while you play?
Spaghetti, pizza, buffalo wings, beef jerky, peppermint candy, very small rocks, sloths.

7. Do you find GMing physically exhausting?
Never physically - but mentally - yes.

8. What was the last interesting (to you, anyway) thing you remember a PC you were running doing?
Last session in Stars Without Numbers, one of the PCs who happen to have been a spy robot that could change his physical form impersonated a security officer on a space station and got swept into an illegal cage fight below decks. Hilarity ensued and even the Boy joined in in another cage fight.

9. Do your players take your serious setting and make it unserious? Vice versa? Neither? Yes. Yes. It flows back and forth and all around.

10. What do you do with goblins?
Make them tricksey.

11. What was the last non-RPG thing you saw that you converted into game material (background, setting, trap, etc.)?
A UFC cage fight. The fact that the cage fight in the game was a naked cage fight was purely my invention.

12. What's the funniest table moment you can remember right now?
The Boy, after fighting in a naked cage fight, forgetting to put on his clothes and going all medieval on an agitated spectator, gutting him to death with a moly knife, then suddenly realized what he had done and slapping a Lazarus patch to bring the poor corpse back to life.

13. What was the last game book you looked at--aside from things you referenced in a game--why were you looking at it?
Actually - Big Eyes, Small Mouth. I just found it in a pile of old manga and I forgot that I had kept it.

14. Who's your idea of the perfect RPG illustrator?
In the early days, Erol Otus and Jeff Dee. Later, Elmore was my man. A couple of years ago, Wayne Reynolds. These days - John Kovalic. :)

15. Does your game ever make your players genuinely afraid?
Yes. But then again, we are talking about my son.

16. What was the best time you ever had running an adventure you didn't write? (If ever)
I'd say back in high school running the I3-5 Desert of Desolation series. It has a nice Egyptian flair and fits so well into the whole tomb robbing thing. There were a lot of tricks and traps and mysteries for the party to solve.

17. What would be the ideal physical set up to run a game in?
A room with a big table and chairs.

18. If you had to think of the two most disparate games or game products that you like what would they be?
Rolemaster and Big Eyes, Small Mouth.

19. If you had to think of the most disparate influences overall on your game, what would they be?
H. P. Lovecraft and Lao-Tse.

20. As a GM, what kind of player do you want at your table?
Seriously non-serious people who can be serious when required.

21. What's a real life experience you've translated into game terms?
Joining a religious cult.

22. Is there an RPG product that you wish existed but doesn't?
An rpg that replicated real life physics, physiology, and psychology - scaled well from individuals to armies - and was equally effective replicating stone age to super science. Oh - and is easy to play and whose entire ruleset can be memorized by my feeble mind so I never have to look at the book.

23. Is there anyone you know who you talk about RPGs with who doesn't play? How do those conversations go?
Honestly, they don't.

- Ark

Pony Roller

2012-01-24T23:34:00.003-06:00

And those of you who think I can leave well enough alone should know better. Ponies are Magic.

So this is Twilight Sparkle rolling up her character the old fashioned way - 3d6 in order. Looks like she's off to a bad start.

This is for Erin Palette and her awesomely awesome Unknown Ponies: Failure is Awesome. Which I missed. Completely. Dammit. I only check Facebook like every other week.

- Ark

Lady Roller

2012-01-24T18:20:00.000-06:00

By popular demand - for those identifying as female. :)

- Ark

Old School Roller

2012-01-24T12:18:00.000-06:00

Here is a little scribble I did. It's yours. Feel free to put it on your t-shirts, coffee mug, your blog, or shave your head and have it as a nifty new tattoo. But don't sell it. I think some people claim they own the shirt or something silly like that. :)

Higher res available on request.

- Ark

Welcome, Minion of Doom!

2012-01-19T03:47:00.000-06:00

Dungeonspiration: Thinking

2012-01-12T23:59:00.000-06:00

I was toying with dropping this column at the start of the year, but due to some kind words from readers, I chose not to, and instead just slow it down to every other week. We'll see. I enjoy writing the articles. I enjoy thinking about writing the articles. But there is the problem - my thinking is gone all different recently.

Drawing is to blame - I'm sure. I've been drawing a lot over the past few months - rekindling my love for making pictures - which was in it's height decades ago when I was first playing D&D. Drawing uses vastly different parts of the brain that than a lot of different activities - oh - such as thinking in words about words you are going to type out in a blog.

It's been somewhat difficult to rectify the two - writing muscle and drawing muscle. These images take me away from my standby form of communication. But it's not that I'm idle. I don't -not- think about gaming and blogging. I just - I guess I just think about it visually. It's been hard translate. I guess that's the word. One part of my brain has a tough time talking to another part of my brain.

But something interesting has been happening. When I sit down and play D&D or Stars Without Numbers or Pathfinder or whatever, my imagination has become more vivid. I see the game very vividly - maybe even more vividly that when I was a young pimpled punk clutching the blue Holmes and dreaming. Even the bane of my imagination - mini skirmishes in Pathfinder - play in my mind in technicolor - not just on the gaming mat.

As I read stories now - the images in my head are wonderful. I'm so happy that this has coincided with the Vayniris Anthology Project. I've been reading the entries and hoo-boy - the descriptive power of these great authors is giving me some excellent TV in my head. (Thanks guys, btw.)

It's all very inspiring to me. I want to be more descriptive in games - fill other players with wonderful pictures - not just as a DM - but as a fellow player. I just kinda have to relearn how to connect both parts of my brain. Perhaps some duct tape will help.

So, I don't know if this is inspiring or helpful at all - but here it is. Oh, and before I go - I fixed up a progress sheet for Little Miss Skyrim up there, in case any of you are interested in the artistic process of some old dude who can't draw as well as he wants to, but is sure enough trying:

Have a wonderful day.

- Ark

Cognitive Dissonance

2012-01-09T22:12:00.000-06:00

Is it weird that:

1) I wish WOTC the best of luck with 5e and am even interested in beta testing the game to help make it an even better game,

. . . but at the same time . . .

2) I hope that WOTC fails miserably with 5e and goes down in flames, creating such a sulfur-belching crater that no game companies will go anywhere near the name Dungeons and Dragons and we can finally let the poor thing rest in peace

???

- Ark

What Happens When You Let The Demons Read Carcosa

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year! I'll remember 2011 as the year I moved from a rather monotonous diet of 4e games in the RPGA to full fledged nostalgia overload with the OSR, through the conspicuous consumption of ancient role playing paraphernalia and glorious, glorious mass killing of PCs.

I also started blogging seriously (or not so seriously) about my old school gaming and the process of bringing my son into the fold. This year I'm going to be putting more focus into drawing with the Rather Gamey comic. I had a lot of fun drawing the My Little Pellatarrum mock comic for Erin Palette, so I figure I might as well stay the course.

So, Thursdays will now alternate between Dungeonspiration articles and the comic. Hopefully - if things go right - I can graduate to TWO or maybe THREE panels per comic. Woot!

(No actual correlation between the term 'comic' and the concept of 'humor' is implied.)

- Ark

Who Do Dwarves Hate?

2012-01-04T18:45:00.000-06:00

Members of the 'Sexy Elves for Axeless Dwarves' Charity Cheerleaders Squad, that's who.

Really, it was just an excuse to practice drawing a picture of an axe pulled tight across boobies. Why? Ummmmm . . . no idea. Oh yeah - fun! Yeah, that's it. It was fun! :)

- Ark

Vayniris Anthology Project Update

2012-01-02T12:12:00.001-06:00

I'd like to thank everyone for their great story submissions for the Vayniris Anthology Project. We have some wonderful stuff here that I am reading through now.

We have a slight problem though . . .

There are not quite enough stories to flesh out a full anthology. I know that there were other stories being worked on that were not completed by the end of the year. As such, I'm going to extend the submission deadline to March 31st, 2012. And if you are interested in submitting more than one story, please feel free.

I'd really like this project to be successful, and I'm sure a little time wouldn't hurt at all. :)

- Ark

New Moleskine

2011-12-30T01:41:00.001-06:00

Check out the new Moleskine I got for Christmas. I'm not sure whether to use it or frame it.

And yes, I've been dorking with the blogs template. Things are changing. It's not just your imagination. ;)

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Contact Sheets

2011-12-29T20:32:00.000-06:00

This will be my last Dungeonspiration column for the foreseeable future. I'll get into why after this week's installment . . .

I've been running a Stars Without Number campaign, which has been going fine with it's automagically generated sector sandbox. But I got a hankering to try out a published adventure, so I went out and grabbed Kevin Crawford's Hard Light. It's basically The Keep on the Borderlands for a science fiction campaign - a sort of mini-sandbox inside a great big sandbox. The thing reads great, and has been playing great as well.

One avenue the referee and players can explore in Hard Light is in solving a mystery. There are about ten important players in the mystery. In planning the game, I became worried that the players would not be able to keep up with all the people involved. How could they remember all of the people if I was having a hard time keeping track myself? Then I thought of a trick I used to use in my old Top Secret days - contact sheets.

I whipped up this contact sheet of contacts (from page 6 of Hard Light, for those following along at home) in less than an hour using deviantArt.com's search function and the freebie graphics program Paint.Net (which I use when I don't want to spend the time waiting for Photoshop to load.) As the PCs meet the denizens of Hard Light, I pull out the sheet and point. Not only do the players seem to enjoy looking at the pictures - they seem to be remembering them better than they would just with a auditory description.

There was an unforeseen problem. The character in the lower right-hand cell - see him? When I snagged the pic, I noticed that it was labelled 'Old Man Logan.' Having read X-Men back in the 80s, I knew who Logan was, and just assumed that someone had drawn him old, and that the players would never think to associate him with Wolverine.

As soon as I brought out the sheet, two of the players pointed and said 'Hey, it's Old Man Logan!.' I had no clue that there had been some sort of very popular 'What If?' kind of series based on good old Wolverine in the future. The players seemed to immediately like the guy before I said a word about him.

So, if you are snagging art for a game, give some thought about the impact a particular image will create. Players already bring a lot of baggage with them into a game, so try to use it to your advantage. :)

Now . . . as to why Dungeonspiration column is going into hiatus, or perhaps retirement:

1) Focus - The intent of the column was to inspire DMs (and as an afterthought, players) about gaming. I have a hard time writing about just that. I'm all over the place - as this particular column illustrates nicely. It really has nothing to do with the concept of 'Dungeonspiration.'

2) Need - Do the readers in the OSR blogosphere really need to be inspired? From what I read on other blogs - no. People are chock full of awesome ideas all over the place. I think that what people seem to need above all else is time. If I could somehow bottle time and distribute in via the Internet, that would satisfy a lot more people's need.

3) Self-Discipline - Another reason for the Dungeonspiration column was to provide me with a weekly reminder to write blog post - at lest one a week. While I think it has helped, I also think that I would have done it anyway - crazy holiday weeks not withstanding.

4) Other Projects - I've got some other projects in queue for 2012. Those projects have to do with gaming and providing additional blog content - so it's not like loosing Dungeonspiration would be reducing content on the blog itself, I just need to juggle my time wisely. I still have a lot to juggle and decide what I want to tackle - so some meditation time is in order.

So thougts are my thoughts on the Dungeonspiration column and it's future. But perhaps I have missed something. If the column is doing something else for you that I haven't thought of, please let me know. There may be a reason to keep it around longer that I'm not aware of. Maybe it warrants a monthly column or something. I don't know. If you have any input, feel free to leave it below. :)

Have a Happy New Year - and don't go driving drunk or nothing. Boozing away and passing out on someone's sofa is far better etiquette than wrapping your car around a telephone pole.

- Ark

I Used To Be A Blogger Like You . . .

2011-12-27T23:38:00.002-06:00

. . . then I took an arrow to the knee . . . AND they stole my sweet roll . . . WHILE breathing fire on me from the sky. Thank goodness for DRAGONREND.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas - even if you don't do that sort of thing. Religion should never get in the way of getting drunk and insulting family members. Even if they are aliens who shoot you in the knee.

- Ark

P. S. Did I mention knees?

Dungeonspiration: Jonas De Ro

2011-12-22T10:48:00.000-06:00

I spend a good chunk of time on deviantArt looking at pictures. Admittedly, there is a tons of things I'm not too interested in seeing - thousands of pictures of Naruto draw by twelve year olds, photographs of fat guy's belly buttons, and balloon breasted Poser models in stiff, out-of-the-box stances, but there is a lot of absolutely wonderful stuff too. Case in point - Jonas De Ro.

De Ro, a Portugese/Belgian living in Germany, creates absolutely wonderful vistas that take the breath away. I've collected a small smattering of his work below that can inspire ideas in setting ranging from fantasy, cyberpunk, and post apocalyptic nightmares.

Currently, De Ro is working as a Creative Artist on the movie based on the book Cloud Atlas. If his paintings are any indication, it should be a visual treat.

Lost Citadel

Hong Kong Ruins

Forgotten Glory

Epocholis

The Great Tree

Be sure and click through to the images on his deviantArt account and take a look at the rest of his gallery. It's some great stuff that left me inspired.

- Ark

Boy Meets Leaf

2011-12-18T15:22:00.000-06:00

The Boy has mastered the ability to get his rear end up over his head, scoring a critical hit on the leaf heap. All of those swimming lessons have finally paid off.

- Ark

What the OSR Means To Me

2011-12-17T13:42:00.000-06:00

This dude agrees with me.
He even thinks I'm funny.

After over a year of contemplation, I have finally discovered what the OSR means to me.

Well, the acronym, at least. Sums it up perfectly, I think.

Old, Senile Roustabouts.

;)

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Skyrim

2011-12-16T10:19:00.000-06:00

No, I didn't draw it - but I should have.

Drats - I missed my Thrusday Dungeonspiration deadline again. I should be ashamed. But I have an excuse. I blame Skyrim.

Skyrim is awesome. It look great. It plays great. Dragons drop out of the sky in an attempt to punk you all the time. And what's better - there is not a cluster of people around the world hating you because you were late for a raid.

As I play, I see vistas to describe, horrible traps to throw my players into, and quests to get them involved with. I'm totally inspired, but somewhat deflated by the knowledge that every single one of my players is playing Skyrim too, and so all this cool new stuff won't be new by the time I regurgitate it into a campaign.

It seems like everyone I know is playing this game. I wouldn't doubt that there has been a worldwide drop in blog posts since 11/11/11. A friend's girlfriend also mentioned that there will most likely be a dip in the number of births 9 months from now. The game is riveting, and when our table-top group gets together, we sit around talking about what we did in Skyrim.

Which makes me think: Skyrim is bound to have an effect on table-top game design. Admittedly, I wasn't paying attention to tabletop or video games in the early 2000s, but 4e has long been lauded as an attempt to make D&D more WOW-like, and from the little I know about WOW - that definitely seems to be the case.

So what will be the effect? There is not a lot new or groundbreaking about Skyrim - it's primarily the execution that is superbly done, coupled with a great advertising campaign. A Skyrim billboard still sits on I35 out of Dallas heading for the suburbs.

I'm not much of a game designer. I'm not good at picking apart Skyrim for it's interesting mechanics - aside from maybe it's lock-picking mini-game. So I'll post the question to everyone:

What effect do you think Skyrim will have on table-top game design - or even just mechanics or idea integration into existing games and people's campaigns?

And yeah, I know some of you have not played Skyrim. Ya'll feel free to fuss about us other time wasters down in the comments below too. :)

- Ark

Warning your DM

2011-12-14T16:07:00.000-06:00

My Pathfinder DM - Merwyn - let me roll up a new Pathfinder character - a level higher than normal - if I used "in order" 3d6, as opposed to something more wimpy - like 4d6 minus lowest wherever you want. I took him up on the offer and rolled this:

STR: 10
DEX: 9
CON: 12
INT: 14
WIS: 8
CHA: 17

Not horrible, but not what I would call a great spread for the classes I'm used to running. After some research, I discovered that the Pathfinder Bard would work with those numbers. I've never run a Bard - and never had any interest in doing so - but it gave me an idea.

Crazy-ass Tim plays a halfling thief in the game - Peter No-Parents. Peter is min-maxed so that he can basically never be seen by anyone if he doesn't want to be, and can pickpocket just about anyone. He also has an ability that makes him look just like a human child (i.e., street urchin,) rather than a halfling. Peter No-Parents is basically worthless at anything else.

Peter is quite evil, and steals from the party. Actually, Peter isn't really known to the party. He hangs on the periphery and commits mischief. Evey once in a while, a character might see a kid, but the kid walks on by, and no one is any the wiser. It's really irritating (but funny,) and I designed a character specifically to detect and kill him. That was Bloodspurt the half-orc paladin. Bloospurt, regretfully, died - murdered by another party member (an assassin) for tying him up and trying to convert him to a Lawful Good diety. Oh well.

My idea was . . . unusual . . . so I figured I had to warn Merwyn before I brought this character out for a spin.

Subject: A Warning

Merwyn,

My rolls lean me towards a bard, and with the present make up of our party (I'm talking about players, not characters,) doing anything constructive or legal will be pointless. So I have made a trickster/scammer bard - a conman and entertainer in one.

It hit me that I can work Peter No-Parents into the act. I could continue on, earning full master level ranks for my Beard and Boobs badge, and make a female bard, and have that female bard pretend to be Peter's mom, for heightened scamming activity. It also gives Peter an avenue to actually be an active member of the party - even if maybe some party members never quite figure out what is going on.

Tim and I discussed this briefly, and I believe we are both happy with the concept. Her name shall be Alouette - like in the French song (Ah-low-et-ta,) meaning a lark. Yes, she sings. And she dances. And she knows all about nobility and bluffing and disguise. She is quite greedy as well.

Peter, will of course, be required to take a bath. And be fumigated.

So, basically - I'm warning you.

Run for the hills.

Sincerely,
Your worst nightmare

We'll find out tonight at the Pathfinder game how well this goes over. If you can't beat em, join em.

- Ark

Yes, Those Are Dice in My Pocket AND I'm Glad to See You

2011-12-13T14:33:00.000-06:00

Feel the power of my huge-ass dice! They are so big, I could take out car windshields if I decided to chunk these off of an overpass. The creator was saying that they had imperfections - but frankly - my eyes don't focus to the level where said imperfections might be. They look great!

That right there - where the #5 is - is where the frikkin space medusa is waiting for the party. Shhhh - don't tell them though. Let it be a surprise.

- Ark

Naked Ponies!

2011-12-12T21:09:00.000-06:00

Okay, not naked, but here is the original My Little Portal Ponies image without all that text. I figure that other people can probably make it funnier than me. Feel free to make word balloons, insert bad jokes, and spread bronie RPG love world-wide on your blogs and other places. Penicillin optional. Link-backs welcome.

- Ark

Clicking makes it bigger.

My Little Pellatarrum

2011-12-11T23:22:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago, I made a smart-ass comment to Erin Palette, that went something like this. "For my next trick, I will draw the My Little Pony invasion of Pellatarrum." Pellatarrum being, of course, her crazy-ass fantasy setting, and My Little Pony being - well, if you don't know - stop reading. This isn't for you.

I had no idea how hard drawing fan art is. Well, I could have spit out pony stick figures, but no - if I was actually going to act on my half-baked remark, I should do it right. Trying it really makes you respect professional cartoon artists. The forms are so simplistic - but have to be so perfect - otherwise they don't look right. There is something very zen about the art form. Yes, and this is complete drawn from scratch - no tracing - and done in SHARPIE on paper, then sucked into Photoshop for a dye-job.

The Boy was horrified and refused to look at what I was drawing while I hummed the My Little Pony theme song. Okay, that was just a side benefit for my inner sadist.

Below is the MLP Invasion of Pellatarrum. I do not give this to the OSR, like previous art. I give it to Bronies worldwide. Post it wherever. Not that I own anything about it. Hasbro owns it all. Just like D&D. You know the drill.

So anyway, enjoy!

- Ark

Click Rainbow Dash to embiggen.

Ellen-14

2011-12-09T12:51:00.001-06:00

Ellen-14 is a non-player character in our Stars Without Number campaign. The picture doesn't do her justice - but it is similar enough to her appearance to get the point across.

The lady is ten feet high, twenty feet wide, and thirty feet long. She is somewhat rock shaped, and her tough skin is a gray and black color - the kind you find on certain bloated ticks found in the foothills of Arkansas. She has a human head emerging from the gray skin a bit over five feet up from the floor, and underneath it hang two human arms. Having no feet, she moves around like a horta.

Ellen-14 is a human-alien hybrid. Actually, Ellen-14 isn't just one entity - the name is a signifier for an entire brood of approximately 100 individuals - the 14th generation since initial hybridization. All of the individual Ellen-14s are pretty much the same, and they keep in contact with one another to avoid drifting apart mentally.

The aliens who designed Ellen-14 (and the many other hybrid variants,) are known as the Metha. The Metha look pretty much like Ellen-14, but without the human head and the human arms. They have been sentient for half a million years, and have spent most of that time doing bioengineering work - redesigning themselves - and their biosphere - countless times. Currently, their bodies house 15 to17 brains - some genetic copies of other alien species that they met in the past.

The Metha fit into the Stars Without Number alien classification of 'Other' - alien beings that are too different from human beings to communicate with or understand. After a series of brutal wars after first contact, the Metha created the human-metha hybrids as an attempt to understand humanity and communicate with them. The Metha are completely oblivious to the fact that the mere sight of Ellen-14 and her various sisters and brother causes most humans to run in abject fear.

Ellen-14 does, however, bridge the gap between humans and methans. She has 18 brains inside of her - one of them human, and they all chat with one other through bizarre chemical interactions, radio waves, and pulsing light. She is well aware of how she looks, as well. "Oh my," she will often say, "You think I look hideous. I do. I cannot argue. But I couldn't find a thing to wear today that didn't make me look bloated!"

Ellen-14 is also a smart-ass.

The player characters have - strangely - taken a shine to Ellen-14 and her brood sisters. I'm not sure why. She is their 'Mr. Johnson," in Shadow-run speak. They are still very nervous about the pure methans, though. It might have something to do with the aliens engaging in thermonuclear war as a sport. But who knows.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Epic Death

2011-12-08T21:50:00.001-06:00

- Sergeant Loronzo by The Boy -

When I was but a wee role player, I really didn't like the whole character death thing. It was something to be seriously avoided - going so far as to sit behind a DM screen and never risk a PC by never having one.

But when you come down to it, some of the most memorable moments in role playing are the deaths. Case in point - The Boy. While initially horrified by the concept, he is getting quite good at them.

In my Stars Without Number campaign, the characters were contracted by some shady underworld types to shut down a casino. Not forever, mind you - just for a bit. Actually, the party never asked - or even seemed to wonder - as to WHY someone would shut down a casino for a bit. It just enough that they got to cause some chaos - and get paid for it.

The session turned out to be one of those long-ass planning ones. You know those types. The players get so interested in the planning aspect that it seems like they never get to the execution. But several hours later, they had their plan and went ahead.

The plan was to blow up an intra-building sewer main in the casino's hotel and have millions of gallons of raw sewage flood the casino proper. Actually, the plan was not a bad one at all. The big problem was that the party's hacker was AWOL (an actual date with his girlfriend!) and so they had to hire a retainer.

The hacker henchman screwed the pooch on his computer and security rolls. Badly. Worse than bad. The hacker was particularly nice about the whole thing, calling the party up and letting them know he had miserably failed and had not only NOT prevented the security systems from detecting their activities, but had actually helped the casino security zero in on their nefarious activities.

Ron and Crazy-ass Tim were in the getaway car. The second they heard the alarm go off, they were out of there. Completely. Utterly. Gone. Not even a post card.

The Boy, playing Sergeant Loronzo, and Kaye (yeah - the guy who plays Torvalds in the 2e game) were on the third floor, attaching explosives to the sewer pipes when the first security guard arrived, gun in hand.

Sergeant Loronzo picked up a huge plumber's wrench, swung it the guy, and grabbed his Order of the d30 Brand d30, choosing to use it at that moment. The massive wrench did so much damage it cut the guard in half, showering everything in the room with blood. They finished setting the charges and high-tailed it out of the plumbing room, racing to get to their long-gone getaway car.

They ran down the hotel hallway to the elevators, but they were too late. Three security guards stepped out of the elevator firing. Kaye was hit and died like a punk at zero hit points even. Sergeant Loronzo wasn't having any of that, so he pulled out his stash of Lazarus Patches. The patches help dead character's come back to life. Well, very recently dead characters. And it takes a medic to really apply them well. Sergeant Loronzo was not a medic.

But damned if he didn't try. He slapped patch after patch onto his dead buddy, trying to shock him back into life, all the while dodging a hail of bullets. The other players began a count down to when the timer would kick off the sewage explosives. Eventually Sergeant Loronzo ran out of patches and the guards - none too happy with all the missing going on - ran up and began to pummel him.

Sergeant Loronzo ran out of patches. He was very upset that his buddy has died for good. He mowed down the security guards and proceeded to leave - but more security guards were coming out of the elevators.

The count down to sewage explosion was getting woefully close - like about one round. Then the boy had an idea. He busted down the door of a hotel room, dove onto the bed, snatched a pillow, shot the glass out of the window with his laser, and leapt out of the building.

The explosives detonated.

Sergeant Loronzo had some hope that the pillow would soften the impact into the ground, but when the true gravity of the situation hit him, The Boy turned, fired his bright blue laser pistol in the air, yelled 'Sayonara,' and made his peace with the universe.

We all thought it was a very epic death - a very inspiring end - and one which should be remembered in the annals of RPGdom forever.

So if you know your character is going to die - think for a second. What can you do to make the Valkyries sing loudly of that death in their meady halls until Ragnarok comes? Do something cool - and inspiring. The skalds will appreciate it.

- Ark

Vayniris Anthology Project Deadline Approaching

2011-12-07T10:29:00.001-06:00

No, I haven't forgotten or totally flaked out. The Vayniris Anthology project is still going strong - I just haven't mentioned it in a while since it's a project in flight.

We are coming to a close on our submission deadline. The deadline is set for December 31st, 2011. That's in three weeks.

If you have an idea you are keen on and just can't pull it together by the deadline, shoot me a message and we can mind meld about it. A cut-off point during the holidays was probably a risky idea anyway. :)

- Ark

Torvalds vs. the Honey Badger

2011-12-06T08:52:00.001-06:00

It's thrall good.

I suppose it was my fault. At least it was my causative action that began the chain of destruction - but listen - I had my reasons. We were on the trail of an entire village of zombies. Well, now we believe they were just regular people mind controlled by illithids, but at the time all we knew was that a herd of zombies was bearing down on our home village.

This is the 2e game being run by Crazy-Ass Tim, in which I am playing the sexy elf ranger lady Chartreuse. One of the party members is Torvalds - the most useless first level magic user in the history of all D&D ever. Yeah, I know - a boastful boast - but it's true - and even more so as the session unfolded.

So Torvalds rides an ox. Everywhere. Even places where oxen do not fit. But traipsing through the woods following zombies was a bit much for the ox this time around. Torvalds blew his animal handling roll - and the ox bucked him off and bolted.

The zombies were headed to destroy our town. Torvalds was about to lead us on a wild-ox chase of ridiculous proportions in the opposite direction. The ox had Torvalds' spell book - the only thing that makes him even vaguely useful.

So I shot the fucking ox.

Regretfully, the arrow didn't kill the ox. But as Torvalds became enraged about what I had done, Merwyn's character chased after the ox and hacked it to death.

That's when Torvalds attacked Mervyn's character.

As the two first level characters began to tussle, my character Chartreuse got sick of the whole thing, turned around, and raced after the zombie horde to rescue her village.

Meanwhile, Torvalds actually killed Merwyn's character - dead. Surprising, yeah. The Boy thought that such a murder was horrendous and attacked Torvalds, smashing him down below zero hit point. The Boy has a conscious, though, and only did subdual damage. He then left Torvalds face down on the forest floor and raced after me.

I was busy tackling zombies and slapping them awake. The Boy didn't think to tell me that one party member was dead and another was face down unconscious in a zombie infested forest. But the horrifying screams alerted me that something was wrong.

Torvalds' recess playmate.

Torvalds awoke to a visit from a random encounter - a playful honey badger. Crazy-ass Tim decided that the honey badger wouldn't do hit point damage - but instead - structural damage. So, the playful honey badger ripped Torvalds leg off. Thus the screaming.

So we ran back to where Torvalds was and tried to fight off the honey badger. The honey badger was, of course, tough. It ripped off another one of Torvalds' legs. We continued to attack, and finally took honey badger down. But even in death, honey badger didn't give a shit and ripped off Torvalds' left arm.

We applied tourniquets, and did massive amounts of cauterization with torches, and brought Torvalds back from the brink. It really only worked because Crazy-ass Tim is a mean bastard of a DM. But we had rescued our useless magic-user. Yay!

Meanwhile, our entire village was slaughtered and burned to the ground. So, I'm thinking that Torvalds deserves his fate. Regretfully, he is even more useless than before. But Kaye continues to play him without a hitch - reveling in his one armed, no leggedness - and declaring himself the Sorcerer Supreme.

The Boy has taken to calling Torvalds the Burrito Supreme.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Gerard K. O'Neill

2011-12-01T16:26:00.001-06:00

"Is the surface of a planet really the right place for an expanding technological civilization?"

Near the end of the space race, a high energy physicist named Gerard K. O'Neill became interested in space colonization. He had already expressed his interest in space by applying for NASA's Astronaut Corp in the mid 60's, but papers from his students convinced him that designing self-sustaining space habitats could be a worthwhile endeavor.

In his first paper on the subject, "The Colonization of Space", published in 1974, O'Neill wrote:

"It is important to realize the enormous power of the space-colonization technique. If we begin to use it soon enough, and if we employ it wisely, at least five of the most serious problems now facing the world can be solved without recourse to repression: bringing every human being up to a living standard now enjoyed only by the most fortunate; protecting the biosphere from damage caused by transportation and industrial pollution; finding high quality living space for a world population that is doubling every 35 years; finding clean, practical energy sources; preventing overload of Earth's heat balance."

Soon, NASA became interested in O'Neill's research and began funding his efforts. O'Neill tied many different concepts and technologies together to come up with feasible ideas for space colonization, including solar power, the L4 and L5 Lagrange points, asteroid mining, and magnetic mass drivers. NASA enlisted other scientist into investigating space colonization, resulting in a golden age of such research. The U. S. Congress, soured on the high cost of space activities - including the Apollo program - withdrew most of O'Neill's funding before the end of the decade.

The ideas that resulted from O'Neill's research are still fascinating. They open a door to plausible science fiction. Simply looking at his designs and reading a bit about them are enough to get the mind going.

The first type of space habitat O'Neill' envisioned is a modified Bernal sphere - an idea for a space station developed in 1929.

The Bernal sphere came in two sizes - Island One, which was the smaller, and Island Two, which was larger.

The first two of O'Neill's 'islands' were relatively simple affairs - big old spinning balls in space. Island Three was another matter. Island Three, which has come to be known as the O'Neill Cylinder, is comprised of two separate space stations. These two gigantic cylinders spin around each other, creating a much more stable system than just one cylinder, which is apt to start spinning from end to end and squash everyone inside.

Yep - that means that Babylon 5 was inherently unstable. I suppose Vorlon technology kept it upright. Not only is the O'Neill Cylinder concept more stable, but look at the view!

When you lump O'Neils designs in with the Stanford Torus style of space station, you get all of the space station you could need for a good hard science fiction setting. And these puppies - especially the O'Neill Cylinder, make for absolutely great mega-dungeons and Jim Ward Metamorphosis Alpha style gaming.

So go dig through the Internet and do up a science fiction campaign right. Screw artificial gravity generators. Do it the old fashioned way - and build a habitable colony to boot!

Anchors away.

- Ark

In the OSR . . .

2011-11-30T13:22:00.001-06:00

Without further ado . . .

Yay. I can draw cartoon boobies.

I had meant to write about five gazillion blog posts over the Thanksgiving holiday. Instead, I wrote butkis. Nada, zilch . . . nothing. Not even a Dungeonspiration posts. I suppose I could could apologize - but I really dislike when people apologize for not writing enough in their blog. It's like they did something wrong. Advocating genocide in your blog? Okay, that's wrong. Not posting enough? NOT WRONG. Lazy maybe, but not wrong. :)

So I've been drawing a lot, fiddling with different styles and whatnot. The elf chick popped out when I was actually trying to draw something else - but I decided to color and ink it anyway - since I liked her expression. But just the picture was kind of weird, so I gave it a caption.

POOF - it's a MEME!

Yay! It's the "In the OSR . . ." meme! Everyone jump on the bandwagon and go create something - a poem or macaroni art or whatnot. Try to be actually funny - unlike me.

Like so much of my OSR art, I'm giving this to the community. I doubt that anyone really wants it - but feel free to repost, spindle, and mutilate.

Ohhh - btw - I won an award! Thanks Tim! (Not Crazy-Ass Tim, but the Other Tim.) Apparently, my blog is 'quirky.' I had no idea. I'm going to have to go look that up in the dictionary to find out what it means.

- Ark

More Retro

2011-11-19T00:38:00.001-06:00

Yeah - more stuff that doesn't have to do with gaming, but I was particularly happy with this one. I'll try to keep more game related art on the blog. After all, I have a deviantArt account to toss all the other stuff on. :)

Enjoy.

- Ark

Rather Gamey Cheesecake

2011-11-18T08:48:00.001-06:00

Okay, so it has nothing to do with gaming. More practice drawing. This is an attempt to draw in a 'retro cartoon' style. The reference, she is here.

This was done by hand with Sharpie and colored pencils, because the only pc that can run Photoshop was being used at the time by The Boy for SKYRIM. Sheesh. ;)

Enjoy.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Dreams

2011-11-17T08:33:00.001-06:00

It's been a stressful couple of months at work, and yesterday, due to several breakages, I needed to work through the wee hours of the night. I had about four hours to cram a nap into before starting the debug, so I collapsed in the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

Then came the dream.

I was living in a village inhabited solely by children, in the middle of a post-apocalyptic wasteland criss-crossed by water canals. There were five of us: me, a black girl with very long dreads, and a a nerd boy who looked like a cross between Rick Moranis and the cartoon dude on the 'For Dummies' books. The two others were, like so many people in dreams - faceless, but there.

We played all day amidst the ruble of the once quaint town, carefree as the kids on that old Star Trek episode were where all the grups died. But all was not well in paradise. There were evil dwarves afoot. Not that they were short - or hairy - or looked or acted anything like dwarves. But they were dwarves - that was for sure. And they travelled in submarines that looked suspiciously like the CSS Virginia (or Merrimac, as it is improperly known.) They travelled down the canals that stretched across the open prairie, hunting children.

Luckily, we were psychic, so we knew trouble was coming before the first cannon balls started flying. We also knew that an evil old man had sent the dwarves after us - with the purpose of killing us. He had killed all of the children except us, and wanted us gone too. He lived in a city far away filled with only old people and lots of chain link fences. So we decided to go there.

I have no idea why we thought going to the city of the old people was a good idea. But that is what we did, narrowly escaping the evil submariner dwarves (that looked a lot like blue meanies, but not blue.) There were lots of barbed wire and minefields to get through - and search lights remarkably like the eye of Sauron from the cartoon to evade. But we made it the city.

The city was like a postcard from New York circa 1973 - sort of like Sesame Street - but filled with old people. They were nice to us when we got there. We talked to a very nice old man who said he could help. But suddenly my psychic powers revealed that he was the evil old man - the kingpin - the murder of all the world's children, so we hot-footed it out of there.

That's when the F-14 Tomcats began strafing the street.

We ran down the stairs into the subway station. The trains weren't running, however. Instead, the subway was cram-packed with junk - toys, swing sets, stuffed animals, and tons of yellow school buses. It was so packed we could hardly move - and overwhelmingly claustrophobic. We hunkered down between two overturned buses, trying to avoid the fighter jets. I'm not exactly sure how, but the F-14s made it into the station. Their machine guns blared. They shot the faceless kids. They killed the nerd. They riddled the black girl with bullets. Then they turned the guns on me. I could feel the pain as each of the bullets hit - and then I died.

Needless to say, I was very surprised when I woke up. The places where I was shot were on fire - hurting something fierce. But after the confusion wore off, I chuckled a bit. Then I saw the clock and that I had only slept three hours - and the amount of adrenalin I was pumped full of wasn't going to let me get back to sleep.

Many hours later, and most of my work done - I'm a bit punch drunk - and still a bit perplexed and fascinated by that dream. I'm sure my therapist (if I had one) would have a field day with it. But it does inspire me. I'd like to game in a world like that - as horrific as it sounds.

So go dream something weird. Go on now - don't be shy. Really freaky. It will probably inspire you. Oh, and feel free to report back here on your weird-ass dreams.

;)

- Ark

[Since I died in my dream does that mean I'm immortal now?]

The Talk, Part Two

2011-11-16T11:45:00.001-06:00

This conversation happened a while ago, and was of monumental importance, but like so many things of monumental importance, they get swept up in the hubbub of life.

We were driving to the YMCA where The Boy has his swimming lessons twice a week. This was before daylight savings time kicked in (or out - I can never remember how that works,) so it was still light then, as opposed to now, when we drive to the Y in the dark.

"So," I said, "We've played Pathfinder several times now. How are you liking it?"

"I like it a lot," he nodded his head in an exaggerated fashion while adjusting his swimsuit. The boy was born a swimmer. He couldn't have been a few months old when his mother took him into the pool and he desperately pushed away from her - convinced in his little head that he could swim like everyone else.

"You remember we were just taking a break from 4e so we could see what Pathfinder was like - right?" I asked. I didn't want him to think we had abandoned his favorite game.

"Yeah," he watched the traffic out the window. Today was one of those once a month 'safety' days at the Y, where the class was less about swimming and more about responsibility. The boy really wasn't impressed with such days.

"I want you to know that I haven't forgotten 4e. We can start back up any time you want."

"No, that's okay," he said. The Boy has had a lot of swimming classes, working all the way up from Polliwog to Shark. Soon in his future may be the swim team, and perhaps, one day, he may become a lifeguard. It's up to him and where his love of swimming takes him.

"Huh?" I said, "Don't you want to play 4e?"

"No, that's okay. Pathfinder if funner. It's more freer like Labyrinth Lord and you're not stuck with all of those powers. It's simpler and I can do more of what I want to do," he told me.

I almost ran over a cluster of children while turning into the YMCA parking lot. "Really?" I asked, "I thought 4e was like your home, and you felt more comfortable in your home." I was trying to suppress a smile. Finally, he was over the 4e phase and we could focus on good old-fashioned D&D.

The Boy shook his head while getting out of the car and grabbing his towel. "No dad, just because a role playing game is your first one, doesn't mean it's the best or the funnest. Don't you know that?"

I collected my sketchbook and pencils from the back seat and quietly followed The Boy into the YMCA, reflecting deeply on what my son had just said.

- Ark

(FYI, the original 'The Talk' posting is here.)

The Candy Man

2011-11-15T13:15:00.001-06:00

I don't care what the nay-sayers say - I love me some Savage Worlds. Kay was hankering to run a game, so we settled on Savage Worlds Supers. About two seconds into character creation, we realized that the only way we could pull a supers game off is if were were all villains.

We started off as normals, visiting an old friend in the hospital - a friend who was in a coma. Suddenly, like about zero seconds into play, our latent mutant superpowers all turned on and we were off - exploring our powers and running on a destructive rampage.

The Cast of Characters:

The Brain - That's Crazy-Ass Tim's character. He's a withered near-corpse that floats around in a hospital gown with an IV dangling from his arm. The Brain refers to his body as 'The Husk,' and communicates via telepathy. He specializes, of course, in MIND CONTROL.

The Flying Ferret - That's The Boy. He's a furry guy who can fly and turn invisible. His speciality is avoiding combat - or anything dangerous - for that matter. This is pretty much of a continuation of the recent theme of all of The Boy's characters as of late. The Boy refers to this character archetype as 'The Survivalist.'

Carl - Merwyn is playing Carl. Carl is . . . completely normal. He has no super powers. Carl once owned a comic book shop, and knows a lot about super heroes. Carl is, however, a super hipster. If there is something to do in the universe, Carl has already done it before you even thought about doing it, and will mock it - and you - as easily as breathing.

The Candy Man - This is my character. Originally, I had named him Shatter. He was a knock off of the Marvel character Bulls-eye - a dude with the ability to throw just about anything at anybody and kill them. However, the first thing Shatter picked up was a bowl of peppermints and began killing people with them. Shatter decided that killing people with candy was more fulfilling that anything else in the universe - thus THE CANDY MAN.

So, after leaving the hospital, the Flying Ferret tried to knock over a 7-11, which didn't go so well, so we decided to hit the nearest bank. The operation was crystal smooth until two members of the local doogooders guild came to stop us - the Ice Queen and Gigglewatt - or Gigawatt, I think.

Carl was busy stuffing money into bag in back - and the Flying Ferret had run away (again, his modus operandi,) so it was up to me and The Brain - two novice characters - to best two highly seasoned heroes in tight fitting lingerie.

I decided the Ice Queen was the softer target, so I send a vicious barrage of Twizzlers at her. In two rounds, I had killed her with candy, and began hurling Fun Sized Snickers Bars at Gigawatt, while The Brain mind-controlled the bank customers into attacking him as well. The Flying Ferret even joined the fun, pulling out a pistol and shooting our dear hero in the back.

Well, Gigawatt zapped The Candy Man into kingdom come, blowing him back, knocking him unconscious, and permanently reducing his intelligence score. Then he tazed the innocent civilians into unconsciousness, and blasted The Brain.

Luckily, at this point, Carl the ex-comic book store manager plowed through the front door of the bank in an armored car. He ran over Gigawatt, then back up over his skull for good measure. Then Carl and the Flying Ferret loaded up the motionless Candy Man and The Brain into the car and drove off, laughing all the way.

Then there was the heated argument about how much cash one can shove into four bank bags. Kay originally said a couple thousand dollars, but we booed him loudly, and now desperate Internet research is going on.

So, our characters have made a name for themselves and have also made a pile of money. The only thing we lost was, well, half of my character's brain. Fair trade, I guess.

We are now diligently awaiting our phone call from the International Organization of Evil so we can become card carrying members.

- Ark

P.S. - I am deeply concerned that the only time that we really cooperate as players is when we are being evil bastards. Okay, well, I am not too concerned, but it does make me wonder . . . :)

Dungeonspiration: Fellow Players

2011-11-10T12:58:00.001-06:00

Kay is playing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Second Edition with us. I've seen him play him play quite a few characters. He's the group's min-max guru. Kay tweaks out his characters until they are . . . well . . . completely ineffectual at doing anything except that ONE THING he designed them to do.

I describe Kay's characters as awesome looking sports cars that look great in the garage, but drop their transmissions in the driveway on the way to the street. It's not uncommon for other players just to kill his characters in an effort to put them out of their own misery.

Tim had us rolling straight 4d6 characters for the game. I rolled up an awesome character - probably the best rolls for a character I've made in 30 years - so good that I made her a ranger. Kay, on the other had, rolled a big pile of crap.

Torvalds' best stat is 12, and it just goes quickly downhill from there. This is horrifying to Kay. He's a young punk in his early 20s. He is not used to the realities of the old school dice gods. Tim countered every attempt that Kay made for squeezing anything min-maxy out of the character.

So Torvalds became a magic-user - a magic user with a 15% chance that his one spell each day will fail.

I'm not sure what snapped in Kay's head, but Torvalds personality came to crystal clarity within a few moments after the comeliness, height, and weight rolls. He was fat and ugly.

Torvalds bought himself an ox, and named it Imbrogli-ox. He got a saddle and a collapsible ladder, so he could heft his sack-of-potatoes-like body onto Imbrogliox. Torvalds refuses to get off his ox, unless it is to sleep in his lavish tent. He even gripes about having to get off the ox to go into buildings with doorways that are ill-equipped to handle an ox.

He also has a beagle called Willington. The beagle is about as useless at Torvalds is himself, being afraid to go off-road.

Torvalds spent the remainder of his money on expensive steak dinners and grapes. He's never not eating - constantly popping grapes into his mouth. Torvalds feeds Willington steak while poor starving village children beg him for food.

We all know that first level magic-users are useless. Most of the time, the player tries hard to not be that way. This time - it's the perfect storm - a perfectly useless character statistics-wise being played in a perfectly useless manner. It's hilarious - and it doesn't help that Kay is constantly miming eating grapes while talking just like Hedonism Bot.

Tim has taken to calling the useless magic-user Cartman Harkonnen - which is very apt. If only he had a suit that would make him fly and a bag of Cheesy Poufs - it would be perfect.

The Boy calls him Troll-Balls, but that's another thing entirely . . .

So go pay attention to your fellow players as they breath life into characters. They very well could be up to something amazing while you are not paying attention. Um, not that Cartman Harkonnen is amazing - quite the opposite - but it is gut-bustingly funny all the same. It may just inspire you to do something inspiring.

- Ark

P.S. But watch - Torvalds will probably save the entire party one day. :)

Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition

2011-11-09T22:09:00.000-06:00

From day one, I loathed second edition. I had already bought my Dungeons and Dragons, and it was ADVANCED. So now they were telling me all of those books that I had scraped and saved for for years were out-dated and useless? And to top it off, I was going to need a Trapper Keeper to store my loose frigging leaf Monster Manual in?

Blech.

I had already moved away from AD&D by that point, anyway. Beside all of the non-fantasy games I was playing, I had also discovered MERPS, Rolemaster, GURPS, and Fantasy Hero - all of which, in my opinion at the time - were far superior to the out-dated and limiting fare that TSR was producing.

One of the local comic book stores was selling Second Edition hard - even putting on demo games to get people used to the new system. I played. I don't think I paid much attention - it was so foreign and evil and anti-fun, striking at the heart of what it meant to be a red-blooded American and a defender of liberty and free speech and preventing the government from boarding troops in one's home and . . .

Oh, okay, I had a severe spaz attack about the whole thing and didn't pay D&D for 18 or so years.

So, Crazy-Ass Tim, who I've been playing D&D with for around three years, loves second edition. He suckled at Zeb Cook's metaphorical teat as an RPG babe. If second edition had lips, he'd be deep-throat kissing it. If it were a biological female, he'd marry it and drag it to Niagara Falls for the honeymoon. And he wanted to run it for us. Geez Louise.

After years of resistance, I finally relented.

Come to find out - the second edition players handbook is perhaps the most horribly organized role playing reference in the history of mankind (actually, it's not - I just say that to piss Tim off.) Okay, really - it's not that bad. Second edition appears to basically be what happened if you took all of those books we used, and all of those Dragon magazine articles we turned to time and time again, and, oh, tried to make sense of them all and turn it into something comprehensible.

I realize that magic changed in some way - but I haven't delved that far. But second edition is surprisingly familiar. I'm not sure if there are any actual changes at all. Tim keeps on raving about the marvel of second edition's THAC0 - but hell, we were using that in first edition from Dragon magazine - and if I remember correctly - THAC0 was developed back in 1977. So really - nothing new to see here - just fine tuning, from what I can tell.

Okay, there is the explosion of splat books - but I'll just stick my fingers in my ears and ignore them for as long as I can. Those are really just like an endless stream of optional Dragon Magazine class articles anyway.

So far, Tim's campaign and the ruleset feels very comfortable and I am enjoying that immensely. But I must keep up appearances and continue to bitch about it because - well - because I am a grognard, dammit, and we must bitch about things - especially new-fangled things like second edition AD&D.

- Ark

Chartreuse

2011-11-08T23:56:00.000-06:00

PureStrainHuman (aka Crazy-Ass Tim) kicked off an AD&D 2e campaign this Monday, and we had a lot of fun. I decided to dust off my Beard and Boob Badge and play a lady this time around. Well, she's not a lady - she's a task oriented elven ranger named Chartreuse. I really hoped that name didn't stray into the realm of 'stripper names.' It's one of my favorite colors - and it's sort of green - and she's an elf - and - well - it made sense at the time.

Anyway, I'll give a play report soon. This is the first real AD&D 2e game I've ever played, so I have LOTS to say about it. ;) Meanwhile, I decided to try to draw Chartreuse, and the result is below. It's a very rough sketch, but I must say, the daily practice is paying off. I can tell that it's a biped and that it's a she - so I must be on the right track.

I drew this! Woot! Click to embiggen - but beware - she might slap you.

Yeah - and she's got anime elf ears. If Deedlit ears are good enough for Daffy Duck, they are good enough for me. I hope to clean it up and ink it and all of that jazz at some point. I might even try to draw a tree or two for some ambiance. :)

Enjoy.

- Ark

Rahul and the Bobble-headed Ganesh

2011-11-06T00:25:00.000-05:00

I've just come back from role playing tonight and am still basking in the glow. The Stars Without Number game went very well. Tim, Ron, Mervyn, Kay and the boy were great as an unsuspecting band of space adventurers who had the all sorts of crap thrown at them.

Highlights of the Night:

The party realizing that they just woke up to a fight between a group of bounty hunters and a family fleeing from the clutches of the Holy Order of Sapphic Islam.
Mervyn taking out an entire boarding party with some clever computer commands that vented the atmosphere out of a part of the spacecraft they were in.
Tim trying to beat a bounty hunter to death from 200 meters away - telekinetically - with the bounty hunter's own pistol.
The Boy firing a laser gun at the nefarious Bounty Hunter Tabari, only to find out that she was a phychic with expertise in both the disciplines of precognition and teleportation.
Ron jumping the ship out of system just as the bounty hunters attached a cubic meter of plastic explosives to the hull of the freighter.
Tim wandering off on a space station unannounced and coming back with a job offer to hijack an ore shipment on an ice world.
The party crammed in a tiny shuttle flying from orbit to a rubble strewn glacier field. Their erratic pilot, Rahul, had upholstered the dashboard with purple shag carpeting and affixed a Bobble-headed Ganesh there to be his 'co-pilot.'
The party convincing a convoy of Hindu ice-truckers to drive their 130 foot long tractor-treaded cargo trucks (laden with highly explosive QUANTIUM ore) on a six-hour journey up a glacier.
During a kidnapping, Kay stopping to steal the victim's television from the apartment.
The party trying to beat the crap out of their underworld contact Mujibar for non-payment of of services rendered (hijacking aforementioned 130 foot long cargo trucks,) only to find out that the funds had been into their accounts already. They had been expecting to be paid in gold coins, I think.
The party pissing off their employer and Ron having to jump out of system in a spacecraft just seconds before a a space cruiser (owned by their employer) blew them to smithereens.

So, the party is wanted by two major interstellar powers for multiple crimes - and it's just one game into the campiagn. That's pretty awesome.

I think it behooves a game master to end a night with a desperate attempt to jump into hyperspace or be blasted into component atoms by an angry space armada, relying on a sole Navigation skill check by one of the party members.

Tim, however, is still on the fence about what he calls the "one roll party save versus death saving throw."

I am still trying to keep a straight face.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Beginnings

2011-11-04T00:32:00.000-05:00

The start of a campaign can be a very exciting time. As a GM, you get to splash paint around a fictional universe and build the skeleton that will be used to host countless adventures. It can also be nerve-wracking as the players may completely reject the universe and it's premise - yawn, back-talk, fold paper footballs and flick them across the table to score field goals, and give off all those other little signs that the GM failed miserably and needs to go back to GM kindergarten.

I've been running a Labyrinth Lord game for over half a year now. We are getting to an exciting bit - but I'm burnt out. Mervyn runs us a Pathfinder game, and Tim is gearing up to run a 2e AD&D campaign. That's a truck load of D&D. I need a change, and since sci-fi is where my head is at, I'm setting the Labyrinth Lord campaign aside and will be starting a Star Without Number game this Saturday.

As quaint as 'you are all at the Space-tavern drinking Space-ale when a Space-stranger dressed in a Space-cloak approached you from the dim Space-corner' sounds as a beginning of a Space campaign - I just can't bring myself to punt like that. I'm a big fan of in media res - and haven't been using it near enough lately.

So below is the intro to my new game - the New Eden Campaign. If I was telling this to the group at the beginning of the game, it would be a lot shorter - but I have an unlimited amount of space on the blog - so here it goes:

You wake up as a needle stabs into your arm. Clear tubes full of a liquid that glows green like radioactive anti-freeze connect to the needle. Machinery begins to hum and it feels like fire is pumping into your veins. It hurts horribly, but your dulled, fuzzy senses suddenly sharpen to crystal clarity.

After a few seconds, you realize you are in nearly featureless coffin with glowing white walls. More needles come out of the wall, injecting you with more uncomfortable liquids. Suddenly you can move your body again. You notice a glass door near your head. Figures seem to be milling about outside. A shrill noise blares, and a red light flashes. Somewhere nearby, a baby cries.

Memories pour in from before the interstellar coma was induced. The worlds of your home sector were poor. You grew up in poverty, raised by a destitute family in an impoverished culture. But the sector next door - the New Eden sector - contained rich worlds holding vast resources.

A voice comes from a speaker in the coffin. "This is Captain Kobayashi of the Freighter Edmund Fitzgerald. We are still in route to Hephaestus, but I've lifted stasis for the passengers in steerage capsules early. We are under fire from unknown forces and are currently being boarded. I have awoken you to give you a fighting chance for life, should you choose to take it."

You open the glass door at the head of the cryo-statsis capsule and tumble out. You are in a steerage room. Glass doors leading to stasis capsules line the walls, with one hatch leading out. There are around thirty people in here, standing around in their underwear, looking confused in the flashing glowing lights. A mother comforts her baby, swaddled in a pink blanket. A man comforts the mother.

It was perhaps a month ago - you are unsure of the exact date - but some time ago, you purchased a ticket for the New Eden Sector and boarded the Edmund Fitzgerald. It was not your money. Friends, family, your village, or perhaps a crime syndicate helped fund your trip, with the expectation of being paid back soon.

While rich, the New Eden Sector has been torn with war for many decades. But recently, a mysterious group known as the Benefactors has created a Ambassadorial Council for the sector, where all worlds can safely discuss issues with one another, giving the potential to avert war, increase trade, and benefit everyone. While it seems a difficult task, the Benefactors appear to have deep pockets - and they have been hiring qualified people in droves.

All of the confused faces in the steerage room signed up to go to Hephaestus to seek a new life and get a job with the Benefactors. Neither you nor they were expecting to awaken so soon, or to the noises that came from the intercom next.

"The ship has been breached and the attackers refuse the communicate their demands. We are . . ." the captain's voice is interrupted by the sound of gun fire. Several of your fellow passengers gasp. Then a female voice comes on - speaking a harsh language unknown to you. As she speaks, you notice the pink swaddled baby's mother stare at the intercom speaker, then she begins to yell frantically at her husband in the same language. He nervously tries to shush her, but another of the passengers points at them and begins yelling angrily.

The room suddenly erupts in argument in many languages. A grizzled old man blurts out, "They want the baby! We should hand it over before they kill us all!" Someone else punches the man in the face, calling him a 'dirty collaborator.' Chaos erupts.

You are not sure what to do at the moment, but you have a sudden, gut wrenching reaction when you remember that all of your weapons were confiscated when you boarded the Edmund Fitzgerald, and that they are all safely locked up in the weapons locker somewhere else on the ship. The day is definitely not starting out well.

That's what is in store for the dear PCs. I hope they will enjoy it. I'm pumped and definitively inspired to run a fast paced thrill ride of an adventure.

So get your thinking cap on and come up with an inventive and rambunctious beginning to a campaign - or just the start of a particular adventure in an existing game. It can be really fun and refreshing to toss the players into a situation and yell 'go!'

Enjoy the explosions.

- Ark

Galactic Proportions

2011-11-02T15:21:00.000-05:00

Stars Without Number suffers from the same aliment that Traveller suffers from - two dimensional space. It's a very understandable affliction. It's hard to represent a three dimensional stellar map on a flat piece of paper, and even if you do, ho-boy, you have to take out the slide rule to figure distances between the stars.

In order not to upset the hard-core amateur astrophysicist lurking just under my skin, I have to look at the star maps in Stars Without Number as, um, hyperspace maps - maps that are only relevant to the extra-dimensional space that starships hurtle though. This space bears no relevance to real 3d space - just enough pseudo-logic so that the sleeping astrophysicist will not awaken and rain on my parade.

But . . . let's assume that the maps bear 'some' relation to real space. Kevin Crawford says very little about the 'shape' of human-space, or its dimensions. The most explicit snippet is this:

"By 2600, the frontier of human space extended almost ten years of spike drive travel away from Terra. Even after taking Jump Gates as far as possible, a fast pretech courier ship required a year to reach the farthest colonial worlds."

That date is just before the end of the Golden Age and the beginning of the Scream, so those dimensions should pretty much be the height of human colonization in the galaxy. Ship technology was also at it's height, so spacecraft could jump one hex per day. Ten years equals roughly 3650 hexes. The author very carefully never states the size of hexes on the star maps, so if we interject Traveller sizing - which if memory serves correctly is one parsec, we get:

3650 hexes X 3.26 light years = 11,899 ly

So, human space has roughly a 12Kly radius. A little image stealing and circle drawing gets us this galactic map:

That's a fair chunk of the galaxy colonized, but it still leaves ample room for who knows what. Now, I can start thinking about SWN's 'Known Space' visually - inside my noggin. Not that I really need to, but it's more comfortable that way for me.

So, that ends my thought experiment for today. :)

- Ark

Chinese Translation

2011-11-02T11:52:00.000-05:00

One of my favorites. Enjoy. I'm sure it is game related somehow. :)

- Ark

Hit Point Survey

2011-10-30T18:58:00.000-05:00

Warriors Experience Table, SWN, pg 21

Okay, so this isn't one of those 'click the button' surveys, but more of a 'response requested' kind of thing, involving standard D&D style hit point rolling.

Now, in all my years, I've been under the impression that when you level, you take your Hit Die and roll - then add your new hit points (and perhaps CON mod) to your existing hit point pool. Everyone I've ever dealt with has been in agreement - it seems to be intuitive.

Stars Without Number has classes, levels, and hit points similar to D&D, but apparently, that's not the way you do it. From page 23 in Stars Without Number, under the heading Hit Points:

"Don’t worry too much if you roll a low number. As your character gains experience they will gain more hit points and the chance to reroll poor dice. Some GMs may choose to omit the initial roll entirely and simply start new characters with the maximum possible hit points."

Unless I'm misreading, this seems to imply for SWN that, you reroll your hit point every level. It's an interesting concept, if it is indeed the concept here. Has anyone heard of such a thing?

- Ark

Oktoberbrawl

2011-10-30T14:58:00.000-05:00

Apparently, a couple of weeks of regular gesture drawing is pretty effective. This sketch actually looks like a human being - at least to me, anyway.

So watch out. If you spill your beer, Oktoberbrawl Girl will kick your ass with a stick.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Stars Without Number

2011-10-27T11:22:00.000-05:00

I used to have a reoccurring dream. Well, it was more of a reoccuring theme. I would be in a comic book shop, or a book store, or a flea market in an ancient submarine, or in the Transylvanian basement of a fetid castle - and I'd be looking through boxes. These were big long white boxes filled with every role playing game imaginable. I would dig through them, looking for that one science fiction role playing game that had everything I wanted - good combat mechanics, good skill systems, good starship rules, and good universe generation systems.

I'd inevitably find some rpg system that had an awesome cover and everytihng I wanted inside - and I'd rush to the zombie check out girl or the auto-purchase-bot with a big smile on my face. Then I'd wake up and start cussing - realizing that it was just a dream.

I've had that dream a LOT. It's representative of my search for a perfect rpg in my younger years - especially a perfect science fiction game. I've played quite a few - Star Frontiers, various forms of Traveller (black book, mega, 2300,) Space Master, GURPS Space, Star Wars - and read even more.

Okay, I'm not going to say that Stars Without Number is perfect, but damn, it's good. It seems to fulfil the promise that Traveller made back so many years ago, but never quite delivered.

Traveller had a fun - if nerve racking - character generation system where your character could die before gameplay started. It was great for generating back-story - but the actual mechanics were - MEH. Stars Without Number takes good old fashioned D&D mechanics, simplifies them, and tweaks them with a light skill system.

There are just threee classes, Warrior, Psychic, and Expert - but the Expert - like LotFP's Expert class, is highly customizable with skills, allowing you to create anything from a doctor or spaceship mechanic, to a bounty hunter.

The game tosses out the good old hit charts and follows a simple formula. Twenty always hits, one always misses, and you determine that with a d20 + your Combat Skill + Att Mod + Att Bonus + defender's AC. Poof. Beautiful. I really wish the d20 developer dudes would have thought of this, rather than having to flip AC on it's head.

And you know when your first level psychic has d4 HP and a sniper rifle does 2d8 - only good things can happen. :)

Where Stars Without Number really shines though, for me, is in it's universe creation. Just like in Traveller, you sit down and randomly roll up a sector full of stars. In my youth, I loved this, and as other sci-fi RPGs were produced, they had similar creation rules, but they got more specific on the physical characteristics of various solar systems.

I loved the complexity and exactness of some of those systems. Charting out how many AUs distant each planet was from it's star, calculating the specific density of a planet, determining albedo, etc - all these were great fun - for me - an amateur astrophysicist.

It never really translated into fun during a game. Even if the players knew what the term 'albedo' meant, they wouldn't have cared to know that planet X925g-U had a rating of 57%.

Stars Without Number tosses most of the physical nuts and bolts and replaces them with - um - for lack of better words - a SCI-FI-TROPE-A-TRON-3000.

The default setting of the game is that humanity expanded rapidly into the galaxy, achieving amazing technology, then something happened to crash civilization and crash it HARD for a while. Now humanity is rebuilding and worlds are reconnecting with one another. You know, that old chestnut.

Rolling up a world, you might get something like this:

Atmosphere: Breathable mix
Temperature: Warm (could result in a desert or swampy type place)
Biosphere: Immiscible (i.e., you can't eat the natives)
Population: Hundreds of Thousands of Inhabitants
Tech Level: 4 - Baseline
Worlds Tags: Police State, Hostile Biosphere
Culture Base: Russian

Looking at the results, and the pointers in the book, a hundred idea pop in my head. The first to come into mind is a place like Harry Harrison's Deathworld - a planet full of jungle animals and plants ready to eat anyone in a second. But it could just as easily be a world reminiscent of earth in Stephen King's The Mist or frankly, Frank Herbert's Dune.

The creation process wonderfully tosses a bunch of tropes together and lets that pot full of 'kitchen sink' soup cook in your mind for a while until something awesome pops out. Who gives a flip about the gravity of a world - unless that gravity is different enough to mean something and be a good plot device.

Star Without Numbers also allows for the same type of randomized trope construction of cultures, aliens, npcs, religions, political parties, and corporations. Each of these systems is geared towards creating conflict and issues that will provide ample adventure opportunities for the pcs, wherever they go and whatever they do. It's a wonderful sandbox creation system, and very fun to work with.

I mean, I would have never thought to make up a low-tech world where the entire society had to hunt down alien whale-like creatures to survive, in some sort of Moby-Dick-gone-viral planet, but with a roll of some dice, my mind began churning along and I was there.

Sine Nomine published the original version as a free pdf, and I bought a physical copy of it. Enjoying that, I grabbed Skyward Steel, which is a sourcebook for space navies. I liked that so much, I went and got the updated version of Star Without Numbers from Mongoose - and it was worth it - rules for AI's and mech, and an entire world culture generation system.

I'm really impressed with what Kevin Crawford has been doing with this game. I haven't been this inspired to run a science fiction game in quite a while.

So if you haven't yet, go grab Star Without Numbers. It's free, and even if you don't intend to play it, it's chock full of good adventuring ideas that should impress even jaded players.

- Ark

Draw the Ninja. Be the Ninja.

2011-10-21T12:03:00.000-05:00

At some point, it was suggested that I illustrate my little 'what happened at the table' stories for the blog. The prospect actually frightened me. I'm not that great of an artist, and I try not too judge myself too harshly, but the thought of spewing out hardly recognizable crap scribbles on a constant basis filled me with dread. So I've been practicing - trying to get better - so one day I can draw crap drawing with at least a tad more self-confidence.

Following some advice from Tom Preston, I decided to start gesture drawing, which is just a artsy-fartsy was of saying 'draw as fast as you can and don't worry about specifics too much - just get the overall flow.' Thirty second gesture drawing seems to be all the rage, but kind of hard to do and juggle photos, sketchpads, pencils, and an alarm clock.

Then I stumbled on the Figure and Gesture Drawing Tool, a nifty website with configurable tools to run you through a course of gesture drawing - as if you had a real-life old battle-axe of a art instructor in your own living room, yelling at you to draw faster. Okay, it doesn't yell, but it can certainly feel that way.

So, if you like to draw, and you want to get better, you might give the tool a try. I've been at it for a week or so and I may not be getting better, but at least I am getting more confident about my crappy drawing. One day I might even illustrate how poor Schmeky Encephalitis died in the Kobolds Ate My Baby game (for the second time,) or how my character Bloodspurt the Half-Orc Paladin in our Pathfinder game was ruthlessly executed by the party's assassin for being too annoying to live.

Until then, enjoy the hastily sketched NINJA!

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Lovecraft & Roerich

2011-10-20T10:33:00.000-05:00

In the Antarctic eldritch horror travelogue 'At the Mountains of Madness,' H. P. Lovecraft makes mention of the "strange and disturbing Asian paintings of Nicholas Roerich" a total of seven times. I didn't notice that in my first read-through in my tween years. The story was full of bizarre references to the Miskatonic University, Edgar Allan Poe's novel The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket, the famed Plateau of Leng, and the Necronomicon - and I wasn't exactly sure what was real and what was not.

Admittedly, 'At the Mountains of Madness' was serialized in Astounding Stories in three issues, so some repetition is understandable, but still that leaves, on average, two mentions of this mysterious Nicholas Roerich per serial episode. It was something H. P. Lovecraft expected his readers to know about. So, during my most recent read through, I hit up Google in search of answers about this mysterious artist.

Well what do you know? Nicholas Roerich was real. Per Wikipedia, he was a "Russian mystic, painter, philosopher, scientist, writer, traveler, and public figure." As well as being a novelist and prolific painter, he also advocated protecting historical sites and institutions devoted to education, art, and science. He was nominated several times for the Noble Prize. The more I read about the guy, the more I like him, despite his somewhat grumpy appearance in photos and paintings.

The paintings Lovecraft mentions - well - Roerich spewed out art like a frantic machine. Identifying the specific paintings is impossible becasue there are so many to choose from.

"Something about the scene reminded me of the strange and disturbing Asian paintings of Nicholas Roerich, and of the still stranger and more disturbing descriptions of the evilly fabled plateau of Leng which occur in the dreaded Necronomicon of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred." - H. P. Lovecraft, 'At the Mountains of Madness'

"Odd formations on slopes of highest mountains. Great low square blocks with exactly vertical sides, and rectangular lines of low, vertical ramparts, like the old Asian castles clinging to steep mountains in Roerich’s paintings." - H. P. Lovecraft, 'At the Mountains of Madness'

"It was young Danforth who drew our notice to the curious regularities of the higher mountain skyline - regularities like clinging fragments of perfect cubes, which Lake had mentioned in his messages, and which indeed justified his comparison with the dreamlike suggestions of primordial temple ruins, on cloudy Asian mountaintops so subtly and strangely painted by Roerich." - H. P. Lovecraft, 'At the Mountains of Madness'

"There was indeed something hauntingly Roerich-like about this whole unearthly continent of mountainous mystery. On some of the peaks, though, the regular cube and rampart formations were bolder and plainer, having doubly fantastic similitudes to Roerich-painted Asian hill ruins. The distribution of cryptical cave mouths on the black snow-denuded summits seemed roughly even as far as the range could be traced." - H. P. Lovecraft, 'At the Mountains of Madness'

"As we drew near the forbidding peaks, dark and sinister above the line of crevasse-riven snow and interstitial glaciers, we noticed more and more the curiously regular formations clinging to the slopes; and thought again of the strange Asian paintings of Nicholas Roerich." - H. P. Lovecraft, 'At the Mountains of Madness'

"From these foothills the black, ruin-crusted slopes reared up starkly and hideously against the east, again reminding us of those strange Asian paintings of Nicholas Roerich; and when we thought of the frightful amorphous entities that might have pushed their fetidly squirming way even to the topmost hollow pinnacles, we could not face without panic the prospect of again sailing by those suggestive skyward cave mouths where the wind made sounds like an evil musical piping over a wide range." - H. P. Lovecraft, 'At the Mountains of Madness'

There is a substantial quantity of Nicholas Roerich's work to see. The Nicholas Roerich Museum in New York would probably be a great place to go visit, but you can take a virtual peek at the museum. Or you can aways Google your way to more art.

So go check out some of the art that inspired H. P. Lovecraft to be all freaky-deaky, and maybe add some freaky-deakiness to your campiagn afterwards. Oh, and while the following images doesn't quite fit in with 'At the Mountains of Madness' - it still sets quite a mood:

- Ark

Are Grognards Hipsters?

2011-10-18T15:12:00.000-05:00

Internet Joke I Don't Get - But Still Makes Me Laugh

Last week, one of the young punk gamers at the table, Mervyn, called Crazy-ass Tim and I hipsters.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell a hipster actually is, except perhaps that they are skinny kids with shaggy haircuts. I think. I don't know - even after doing copious amounts of internet research.

Mervyn's argument was that we were hipsters because we thought all of this old crap - games, books, music, etc - was hyper-cool - so cool we even had blogs about it. In my mind, I'm just a fat old dude having a nostalgic stroll down the more pleasant parts of my childhood.

But I do have hipster glasses. I walked into the eyeball store and told the lady 'I am a nerd and I need some nerd glasses,' and she giggled a bit and gave me some nerd glasses - which turn out to look exactly like hipster glasses. Go figure.

I'm not really worried about what people call me, but it would be nice to know exactly what it is that they are calling me. Knowledge is power.

So tell me - what the hell is a hipster, and do our crusty-ass old grognard selves fit the definition?

- Ark

PS I guess the real question is if I run up to James Maliszewski and yell 'HIPSTER,' would he turn around? ;)

Dungeonspiration: War! Good God, Ya'll

2011-10-13T08:37:00.000-05:00

The Irish trounce Norway.

I've been playing Medieval II: Total War for the last couple of weeks. Okay, it's like five years old, but I just heard of it. Five bucks on Steam, and it is pretty cool.

A good chunk of it is devoted to various military campaigns, ranging from the Norman Conquest and The Crusades, to the Pacification of the Americas. You juggle economies, manage spies and diplomats, and build infrastructure. Yadda yadda yadda. Fun for some, I'm sure, and fun for me when I was playing Civ II. But I'm over that. What I really like is the bit where you zoom down into battles.

I'm sure this isn't news to most video games players, but for those people like me who live under a rock, it's pretty friggin nifty. You get to control all of your units in real time - and have the handy use of PAUSE as well. The game allows you to build battle scenarios, but I much prefer to have it pit two random armies, kitted out with random but sensible units, and fight in a completely random place. You end up fighting in plains, forests, or hills, during rain, for, or night, at river fords, forts, villages, towns, massive castles, or unassailable cliffs.

Playing these battle simulations gets my mind going about D&D and what most of those shiny weapons and armor were actually designed for in the real world - bloodletting on a massive scale - and how different types of units translate into the various character classes of editions both old and new. It also gets me hungry to have large scale warfare occur in-game.

I've been building up tensions in the Labyrinth Lord game between the Lawful human forces and a Chaotic army headed by the great green dragon Abaraxis. Small skirmishes have been happening, but the humans have been pussyfooting around, not really interested in attacking. It's kind of a big thing to effect the campaign, and I've been pussyfooting around too.

The Egyptians fight Denmark in a river crossing.

Fighting these computer battles have changed my mind. I have a much clearer view of what the armies look like in my head now, and what their capabilities are. The humans have some wicked magic - but the dragons have the old AD&D fear ability going for them. Imagine that hurtling out of the sky at a well formed phalanx of warriors. So much for well-formed.

The PCs have been on the edges of what has been happening. They haven't been too interested in getting involved, though. That's perfectly fine. The war is inevitable and will occur with them of without them. The repercussions of the war - well - that will be nigh impossible to escape - whatever happens. I still don't know how it will pan out. Perhaps I should play it on the computer. :)

One of the more interesting thing about Medieval II: Total War is that The Boy is studying Medieval History right now. He right there reading along about the state of Europe, the Holy Roman Empire, and the Crusades, then watching the game, learning names of cities and countries that don't even exist anymore, watching archers rip light infantry to pieces, seeing the primitive precursors of gunpowder weapons, watching siege towers take walls, and marvelling at the utter chaos as his father's troops are routed and run and run and run in every direction for what seems like forever.

I never would have dreamed I would have heard my son yell, "Get your arbusquers out of there! Can't you see the heavy cavalry charging?" :)

So go get out of the myopic view we can fall into sometimes in role playing games, and go play something on a grander scale. It can give you a much more expanded viewpoint, with which you can look at your rpg campaign in a whole new light.

And watch out for the heavy cav - it's a killer. ;)

- Ark

The Metallic Mouse That Doesn't Rust

2011-10-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

I just devoured The Stainless Steel Rat. I forgot how much I enjoyed my first reading of it, circa 1982, or how much the Stainless Steel Rat series influenced my playing of both Star Frontiers and Top Secret.

The books follow the adventures of 'Slippery Jim' DeGriz, one of the biggest thieves and con-men around. It's over 32 thousand years in the future, and most of humanity has grown up and solved problems like war, plague, famine, and crime. This has left the universe a very boring place, and for hyper-intelligent people like DeGriz, such boredom is simply unacceptable - so he stirs the pot and sows as much chaos around as possible.

He's not a 'bad' guy. Slippery Jim doesn't like hurting people - and killing people outside of self-defense is definitely not on his list of things to do. But as long as he's sure the insurance will cover it, he'll steal anything - and the more complicated, the better. His sheer outrageousness and intelligence puts him at the top of the most wanted lists, and makes him the target of the galaxy's super police, the Special Corps. who eventually employ him to catch other ne'er-do-wells, stop war-mongering planets from mongering, and fix time itself.

The Stainless Steel Rat books became a template of how I constructed just about every Top Secret and Star Frontiers campaign I even ran. 'Slippery Jim' is essentially a PC - straight out of a game - a smart ass there to amuse himself and put on a spectacle for others. The stories are essentially sandboxes with some loose 'mission' that ties everything together, but the Rat is free to wander entire planets to complete his objective - usually in whatever timeframe he feels like. One minute he's pretending to be a janitor herding robots with a whip, the next he's a billionaire on a golden space yacht.

The players fell into the pace quite easily. A grumpy 'administrator' gives the team an assignment. They get dumped off undercover far away somewhere and start snooping around. They discover the 'bad thing' is being done by some rich guy. They need funds, so they knock over a bank. They then go pretend to be millionaires (well, at that moment they 'are' millionaires) A chase ensues. The bad guy gets away. They chase him to another planet. Then they discover that the rich guy controls the mafia on that planet, so they have to join and work their way up the ranks until they have access to the guy. Etc. Great fun, and lots of role playing,combat, scheming, lying, and stealing to be had.

The formula worked for both Top Secret and Star Frontiers. On the surface it may seem very James Bond-ish, but there is a certain air about The Stainless Steel Rat. It's . . . well . .. it's chaos. Much like the Honey Badger, 'Slippery Jim' DiGriz don't give a shit. He does what he does for fun - not for duty, honor, or what is best for society. That's really what makes it. There is nothing to 'convice' the PCs to do. They are given a job, and they figure out the most fun way to accomplish it - preferentially with lots of explosions and loose cash.

And, strangely, the books allow for a great way that relative npcs can be useful and fun. See the novels for details. :)

I'm already chewing through the second book in the series - The Stainless Steel Rat's Revenge - grinning away. I've also got Retief of the CDT next to me as well - speaking of great books to turn into adventures. It's giving me a big itch to run some Ratty Sci-Fi games, big time. And over on the table is Stars Without Number. Geez. Gamer ADD, take me away!

- Ark

Hexmogrifying Google Earth

2011-10-10T14:41:00.000-05:00

This is my 200th post and my 42nd birthday all rolled into one, so I thought I'd do something special.

I've been a fan of Alexis' world hex mapping project for a while - even back before I had heard of the OSR Blogosphere. I love maps, and putting one into hex form immediately screams 'adventure' to me.

I wanted to try out hexing the real world myself, and though Texas would be a great place to start. I love the geography of my home state. You've got deserts and swamps and mountains and hills and nice and comfy broadleaf forests and painfully tall swaths of pine and islands and plains and marshes and canyons and playa lakes and - geez - lots of wonderful, different places that confuse the hell out of some foreign types who land at Austin and are surprised they don't see cacti and cowboys.

So, I sat down to do it. Several times. What a frikkin pain in the ass! The world is not designed to be mapped out in hex - just like it's not designed to be mapped out on a flat piece of paper either. Finding maps, lining everything up, trying to keep the boundaries of each hex happy with every other - geez. It's definitely a labor of love.

Being a programmer, I have a habit of noticing repetitive tasks. If I have to do something more than three times, I have a great urge to automate it so I don't ever have to do it again. Let's call it Engineer's ADHD. I've made a career of being assigned a job, getting bored with it, automating it, finding something else that is repetitive and boring and automating that too, until everything at the company anyone could possibly ask me to do is automated and I can finally have a nice nap. Efficiency and laziness are just different sides of the same coin.

The task of hexing the world lends itself to automation, so I started thinking about how to do it. How could you standardly assign hexes to regions? Latitude and Longitude, while wonderful for navigating the Seven Seas, is horrible for the human brain. The hashmarks they form on the globe do not make squares of equal area - or squares at all, for that matter, so utilizing them out of the box to hang a hex map on was out of the question. I had to break out the big guns. I had to break out geometry and calculus.

I've carried around math books with various bizarre formula in them most of my life. I'm not a fan of math. Actually, I hate it. That's why I love programming. All I have to do is understand it - once - and tell the computer to do it. POOF. I never have to do it again. Yeah, horrible and lazy, I know - but that's me.

This math challenge was beyond my dusty books, so I did some internet research. Math geeks are wonderful. They make some awesome web pages. The page that helped me out most was this one here - with the jaunty title of 'Calculate distance, bearing and more between Latitude/Longitude points.' That gave me all the math I needed to be able to mathematically calculate the vertices of any sized hex and translate them into latitude and longitude coordinates. With that data, I was set.

Then I was off to Google Earth. I love that program, and have gotten lost in far away countries through it more often than I'd like to admit. Our good friends at Google also offer lots of ways to manipulate Google Earth, from advanced APIs, to the simplicity of the KML file. Simplicity is what I was after.

The KML file is kind of like an HTML file, buy for maps. While you can do all kinds of things with it - like draw embed 3d building into Google Earth, I just wanted to use it to draw lines. With the latitude and longitude points generated with my ill-gotten formulae, I could draw hexes! Woot!

See this little bit of the Texas coast for yourself - with 6 mile hexes:

Right now, the KML hex file creation system is manual in the fact that I have to seed it with an area and do a lot of copy-pasting within the KML file itself. But with a bit of time, I could have a system that could overlay whatever area you want with whatever size hexes you needed. Of course, the curvature of the earth still makes things wonky at large scales (I, um, think - maybe,) but since the hex 'grid' is tied to latitude and longitude - hexing out out anything near the poles - even Antarctica, would not be a problem.

I could even add a system of graphic overlays with KML for each hex to show - oh - the post-apocalyptic differences between present day and the 'future' - turned on and off an the click of a mouse button. The possibilities with Google Earth are nigh-limitless. I sure as heck don't have a long enough lifespan to do all the things I can think about doing with it right now.

Of course, I much prefer the look of hand crafted hex maps, like those over at the Tao of D&D. But I am a lazy-ass, ADHD prone software engineer, so looks like Texas won't be all pretty, but it sure as hell will have some hexes drawn on top of it. :)

Happy hexing!

- Ark

Death by Slow Monty Python Skit

2011-10-07T11:57:00.001-05:00

I actually drew this one!

So yesterday PureStrainHuman ran us through a game of Kobolds Ate My Baby. PSH is an obsessive psychopath who went out and bought every supplement ever for KAMB ever made, and we played with I think every single house rule for the game every invented, so not only were we forced to roll on the Kobold Horrible Death Chart for not properly praising King Torg (All Hail King Torg!,) but we also had the same fate if we went around quoting Monty Python.

We started the game doing some sort of Battle Royale in another dimension. This is basically what I used to call Mock Combat, done before an adventure so players could get a feel for a new game or new abilities gained by their characters. The winner of the battle would get a 'Get Out of Hell Free Card.'

KAMB has an interesting mechanic. To do something, you roll a wad of d6's. The more difficult the thing, the more dice you roll, and you are trying to get a value equal to, or below, your target number, which is usually your attribute value. Pretty simple to do. I mean, to figure out what to roll. Not so simple to actually succeed. And if you fail to succeed, you have to go and roll for some potential death via the Kobold Horrible Death Chart.

Interestingly, my character Schmeky Encephalitis won the combat. This was only because everyone else failed so badly at attempts to hurt each other that they all died in surprising and horrible ways on the Kobold Horrible Death Chart.

So, back to 'reality' for the little kobolds. Schmeky got a dead rat and a bottle of beer and a huge shield for equipment. The shield took two hands to use, and Schmeky didn't have any pockets, so he ate his dead rat, drank his beer, grabbed his shield, and was ready to go purloin a human baby from the village. The other kobolds got things of equal worthlessness, except Lex - who got a magic spell book.

So, we approached the human village. The Boy, playing 'Roast Beef Sandwich' the kobold, saw some teenagers and started yelling at them. He was very proud that he knew 8 human words, and wanted to show off. I felt this was a bad plan, so before Roast Beef could say much of anything, I tossed him in the river. You know, to shut him up.

That's when the ravenous 'Acti-Fish' attacked. They were environmentally aware fish that were very angry about the pollution levels in the river. Yeah . . . It went all downhill from there.

So, in the ensuing combat with the fish, the teenagers, a vigilante chicken, a tavern owner, and a Slushy machine - everyone except Schmeky died. No one was actually killed by anything . . . per se. All death were directly attributable to the Kobold Horrible Death Chart.

So Schemky was fighting a dog. He failed to hit, and so had to roll vs. the evil death chart - but didn't die. I was quite happy, eager to see Schemy live through an entire game.

After I made an amazingly low roll, Mervin smiled and said 'Wow, he's not dead yet."

I piped up in a squeaky, high pitched English accent, "I'm not de . . ."

Crap. I bit my tongue and looked around the table with shifty eyes, trying to see if anyone noticed.

PureStrainHuman pointed a finger at me. BUSTED!

I can't help it! Like Pavlov's dogs, I have been trained over the last 40 years to quote lines of Monty Python skits any chance I get. I can't help it! It's genetic - woven deeply into the strands of my DNA for godsake!

I rolled. Schmeky died. Schmeky died by slow Monty Python Skit. A black knight hopped out of a bush carrying a death bunny and spanked Schmeky to death. It wasn't even a cute virgin girl spanking either.

SIGH! Well, we had to wrap it up there. It was a blast - even if Schemky had to be sacrificed.

But last night, just as I finished coloring the image above, The Boy wandered out of his bedroom - where he was supposed to be asleep.

"What?" I grumbled at him.

"You know Dad, I was thinking."

"You shouldn't be thinking. You should be sleeping."

He was unfazed by the comment he's heard a billion times before. "Well Dad, you know Schmeky?"

I nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Well . . . he's alive! You have a Get Out Of Hell Free card! Remember?"

Oh crap! I did! OMG. I'M NOT DEAD YET! I DON'T WANT TO GO UP ON THE CART!

MOO-HAA-HAA! SUCK IT UP! THIS IS NOT THE LAST OF SCHMEKY!

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Blue Öyster Cult

2011-10-06T11:57:00.000-05:00

One crisp autumn day back in high school I found myself at a German Language Club get-together in the house of the school's German teacher. The subtitled version of Das Boot was playing in the other room and I was talking to a cute girl in a cozy alcove while we sipped on thick, chewy German lager that Herr Lehrer swore would disavow all knowledge of if any parents found out.

Ahh - the eighties.

"So who is your favorite musician?" she asked.

"Oh - that's easy," I smiled. "BÖC."

"Oh, I like Bach too," she nodded. "And other classics like Mozart and Beethoven"

I chuckled. "While Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor and the Brandenburg Concerto Number Three are just spiffy, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Blue Öyster Cult."

She looked at me blankly.

"You know - Blue Öyster Cult. Heavy Metal? Burning For You?"

She stared.

"Don't Fear the Reaper? No?"

"Veteran of the Psychic Wars? Dominance and Submission?"

"She's as Beautiful as a Foot? Hot Rail to Hell?"

Her nose had been crinkling up like she smelled something bad and she excused herself from my presence. She didn't come back.

Okay, there was a valid - and probably scientific - reason that I stayed a virgin until 19 - and the conversation above probably exemplifies that reason very well. But boy did I love me some Blue Öyster Cult.

Blue Öyster Cult had a lot more going for it than just 'more cowbell.' They were arguably the first band to gratuitously use the heavy metal umlaut. And they had Michael Moorcock - the Michael frikkin Moorcock - writing lyrics for three of their songs. One of those songs, "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" was featured in the movie - the movie - Heavy Metal.

I was poking around on Spotify a few days ago and found what appears to be Blue Öyster Cult complete discography. I was excited and nervous - nervously mainly because I figured my memories of BÖC would probably be shattered by listening to them again after all these decades - and I'd walk away depressed that I had liked such a lame band as a teenager.

Hooboy - I was in for a pleasant surprise. Blue Öyster Cult still rocks! And after listening to them all over again, my favorite album of theirs is still Fire of Unknown Origin.

"Fire of Unknown Origin" - with lyrics by punk rocker Patti Smith
"Burnin' For You" - a song other people have actually heard of!
"Veteran of the Psychic Wars" - lyrics by Elric of Melniboné dad! used in the Heavy Metal movie
"Sole Survivor" - completely awesome Post-Apocalyptic Gamma World song
"Heavy Metal: the Black and Silver" - probably intended for the Heavy Metal movie, but never made it
"Vengeance (The Pact)" - definitely intended for Heavy Metal, and tells the entire story of Taarna - which is probably why it didn't make it
"After Dark" - undead vampire kind of thing
"Joan Crawford" - Joan Crawford has risen from the grave!
"Don't Turn Your Back" - did someone order a dose of paranoia with vermouth and an olive?

I was also surprised about how much my early years of role playing were influenced by the band. Tolkien was kind of the ideal - the 'theory' of what Dungeons and Dragons should be, but Moorcock and his Eternal Champions - Corum, Hawkmoon, Jerry Cornelius, and Elric - were what my campaigns would subconsciously evolve into - all to the soundtrack of Blue Öyster Cult.

Just thinking about the band and the songs puts and smile of my face, reminds me of how I used to run games, and makes me itch to run games influence by Blue Öyster Cult again.

So go dust off those old albums, or take a stroll through Spotify, and listen to some music you haven't listen to in ages - music that inspired your games back in the day - music that inspired you to write crappy stories and poems in your youth about the things you loved. Go forth and stick monsters in your ears.

In closing, I'll point you to some more Blue Öyster Cult you should give a listen to:

"Tattoo Vampire," Agents of Fortune
"Black Blade," Cultosaurus Erectus
"The Great Sun Jester," Mirrors
"Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll," Blue Öyster Cult
"(Don't Fear) The Reaper," Agents of Fortune - significantly less cowbell than you remember!
"Godzilla," Specters
"The Red and The Black," Extraterrestrial Live

- Ark

Joan Crawford Has Risen From The Grave

2011-10-05T14:46:00.000-05:00

It's that time again - time for Zombie Walk Dallas! Last year a couple thousand of us descended upon Deep Ellum in Dallas and took over a few city blocks, eating brains, attacking ambulances and smearing public transportation with blood - all without a permit. You know, fun for the whole family.

This year, we apparently have a permit - which, I know, I know, sounds a little less exciting - but it does reduce the chance of being hauled off to jail for unlawful assembly. I think the permit sounds good - because this year they are shooting for eight thousand undead.

I've been notified that I'll be manning a table for part of the walk. I think there are some duties involved. Helping people or something like that. Not sure. The only one I really remember is that I get to squirt people with blood. Lots of blood. Of course, the first thing that came to my mind was to run a Bloody T-Shirt Contest. Or a few. Yeah - it should be a fun day.

So, if you are in the North Texas region on October 15th, stop by and stagger around for a while. I hear make-up artists and psychos with big vats of blood will be around to zombify you - should you be too busy to zombify yourself.

Catholic schoolgirls have thrown away their mascara
They chain themselves to the axles of big Mack trucks
The sky is filled with hurt and shivering angels
The fat lady lives! Gentlemen, start your trucks!

- Blue Öyster Cult, Joan Crawford

It's just like undead LARPing, except for, well, for the LARPing part.

- Ark

All Hail King Torg!

2011-10-04T12:34:00.001-05:00

by John Kovalic - NOT ME!

Things have been getting too serious around the gaming table as of late, so we have decided to play some Kobolds Ate My Baby. Okay, honestly, nothing around the game table is too serious. We just want to be even less serious.

Crazy-ass Tim will be GMing. Um, I mean PureStrainHuman. Maybe I should stop calling him Crazy-ass - since he's my new GM, after all, so I must be all nicey-nice and stuff. Okay - maybe not. I've never played before, and expect my new little life to be short, painful, and messy.

I want to play King Torg's (All Hail King Torg!) club-footed inbred brother-in-law - thrice removed - Schmecky Encephalitis - the tribe's Keeper of Wisdom. Wisdom, of course, being the pet-name of the gangrenous growth on Schmecky's left nipple.

The Boy is pondering what his character's name should be, but per him, it definitely will not be Herpederpalitis. He is leaning towards Roast Beef Sandwich (and his faithful companion Mustard the Fly.) Yes, the boy was eating lunch when he came up with that. :)

Oh - The Boy would like me to let all of you know that he would like his weapon to be a blade of grass - but the GM may feel that such a weapon would be too powerful and ban it. Such is the life of a kobold.

Fun Kobold quote of the day:

Kobolds worship VOR, the Big Red Angry God™, which is understandable; wouldn't you be angry if you were the god of the Kobolds? The only thing that Vor hates more than a Kobold is a coward, which is why Kobolds are the most fearless of all the intelligent (and we use that term loosely here) races. Ironically, the complete and total lack of a sense of self-preservation is the only thing keeping the Kobolds going - any other race would have packed it in a long time ago, given up, and faded into extinction.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Nit-Picking

2011-09-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes inspiration isn't about developing strange new worlds, or totally radically adventures. Sometimes inspiration comes from getting the law books out and digging through case files for precedents, just like on Paper Chase . . .

I've been following the discussion over at Monster and Manuals - specifically Piledriving D&D and I Blame The Children; Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Declaring Actions Before Rolling Initiative, with as much interest as my sick, overworked brain has allowed. One of the things that noism is talking about is missing out or forgetting important rules in Old School D&D - and the effect it has on the game. One specific example is Declaring Actions before initiative is rolled.

That has been pressing on my mind for a while. A few months into our Labyrinth Lord game, I noticed that the combat appeared a bit clunky, and that things that mattered, like spell casting, didn't seem to be going the way that they should. I began to pay more attention to how I was running the combats and discovered the shocking truth - I was very sloppy about the whole thing - not enforcing any sort of order of sequence. Over the past few months, I've been slipping order back into the combat sequence - at a pace that my feeble brain could remember - and it seem to be working well.

Except . . .

Except I've got this big block on 'Declaring Actions.' It doesn't seem right. And Declaring actions before initiative just seems downright crazy in the head. Not nonsensical - just foreign - alien - aberrant - Cthullic.

Noism seems to think it works just great. But then Zak piped up about how in the ConstantCon, nobody declares nothing in combat until their turn in initiative, and people seem to 'just do it' without a break in their stride.

The whole thing bugged me, so I began to delve into every Old Schoolish D&D version that I had in paper form (okay, I skipped Hackmaster, so sue me.) I started to chart out their Combat Sequences, and dumped them into Excel. While I didn't have the Holmes version to hand, I did take a peek at what Matt Finch had to say about it in Swords & Wizardry: Complete Rulebook, for some historical perspective.

Here is what I came up with:

B/X (B23-27)	BECMI (DMR22-24)	AD&D (61-84)
Distance Check
Surprise Check	Surprise Check	Surprise Check
		Distance Check
	Reaction Check
	Declare Intentions	Spell Declaration
Roll Initiative	Roll Initiative	Roll Initiative
Monster Reaction / Morale Checks	Morale Checks	Encounter Reactions
Movement	Movement	Missile, Magical Device Attacks, Spell Casting, Turn Undead
Missile Combat	Missile Combat
Magic Spells	Spells and Magic Items
		Closing / Charge
		Set Weapons Against Charge
Melee Combat	Melee Combat	Armed Combat
		Unarmed Combat
Rinse / Lather / Repeat for Next Group / Player	Rinse / Lather / Repeat for Next Group / Player	Rinse / Lather / Repeat for Next Group / Player
End of Turn	End of Turn	End of Turn

Labyrinth Lord (50-56)	Swords & Wizardry Complete (36-43)	LotFP Grindhouse (R&M56-62)
Distance Check	Distance Check
Surprise Check	Surprise Check	Surprise Check
		Distance Check
		Reactions
Movement / Action Declaration	Spell Declaration
Roll Initiative	Roll Initiative	Roll Initiative
		Each Character Completes Their Actions One At A Time
Movement	Movement and Missile Combat
Missile Combat	Movement and Missile Combat
Magic Spells	Melee Combat and Spells


Melee Combat

Rinse / Lather / Repeat for Next Group / Player	Rinse / Lather / Repeat for Next Group / Player	Rinse / Lather / Repeat for Next Group / Player
End of Turn	End of Turn	End of Turn

It appears that declaring one's actions wasn't what you did in early D&D. After some digging in the Dungeon Master's Guide, I saw that you are supposed to declare spells before you cast them, but it wasn't very obvious. If AD&D had more on declaring actions, I couldn't find it. The first time I found a version specifically saying that Actions (Intentions) should be declared - all actions - and before initiative, was the BECMI version of D&D - which I don't consider as 'early' - more like mid-morning.

And that completely explains why it felt so strange to me. My D&D track is Holmes->B/X->AD&D. No declaring there, except for spells - and that's probably something I overlooked then. For the most part, we were just chugging along with a B/Xish AD&D variant.

That also gets my head itching about why Labyrinth Lord, with it's hooks firmly set in B/X, pulled out a BMCMI combat sequence. Odd. :)

Oh, and Holmes was a complete odd-ball, seeming to be a heck of a lot more like d20 in it's combat sequence. No offence, doctor - none at all. Before your time, you were.

Of course, I could be completely wrong with my analysis of the combat sequences - or my understanding of exactly what noism said or meant. It was only a few hours worth of work, anyway. But the exercise has gotten me very interested in WHY the editions picked the combat sequences they did. I'd say that I'm so interested, I'm INSPIRED. :)

So, go pick an idea in role playing that always seemed kind of fuzzy - and go do some deep dive research on it. You just might find a whole mess of interesting stuff you didn't dream of. And who knows, your game might even be better for it!

- Ark

Persuasive Writing

2011-09-28T17:59:00.000-05:00

The boy had an assignment today in Language Arts - a persuasive essay. He chose to write about Dungeons and Dragons. It's interesting because, up until very recently, he preferred 4e over older versions of the game. Okay, well at least *I* find in interesting. :)

Why Old School D&D is Better than New School D&D

by The Boy

Old school D&D is more fun because you have more freedom to do what you want. It is much more simple and easy to play, and it is a fun challenge.

In old school you have more freedom to do what you want. You don’t need a power to jump on to a building. You do not need an ability to be able to climb an ogre and stab it in the head

It is a simple game to get started with. Just roll up a character and role play. If your character dies just make a new one. It’s NOT rocket science.

Old school is fun and challenging. You can have long games or cliffhangers. You can play for what seems like ages and not play for ten minutes. You can get confused between the real world and the game world.

Old school is simple, fun, and cheaper than new school so try it out today!

I am curious as to what the teacher will think. :)

- Ark

Random Quotes from the Labyrinth Lord Game

2011-09-27T13:18:00.000-05:00

"Hurry up! Put on the ferret costume and dance. There is money to be made!"

"I gather up the priestess' finger bones and make a pan flute out of them."

"Wait just a minute. This is important. Let me get the Zamfir video to play right."

"I hid in a bush all night in a puddle of my own urine."

"Hold on guys! If we steal the bones, we loose the opportunity to surpise the door."

"I'm going to tea-bag the dragon with his buddy's testicles."

"I think I should really get some say in whether my character impregnated a horse or not."

"According to my calculations - given the xp value vs. damage output - orcs just really aren't worth attacking anymore."

"Are you kidding? Why would I put my fighter on the front line when he has a sling?"

"What kind of thief are you? You refuse to get anywhere near a trap!"

"So how does this guy have little folders with information on all of us?"

"My new family motto shall be Honoris causa in - Honor Within Reason."

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Crazy-Ass Tim

2011-09-22T22:14:00.001-05:00

Ugh. Over the last month, work has ground me down into a semi-lucid blob thing. The extra work hasn't been any fun. I'm still doing work - in hour 14 of today' workday again. Of course, I'm salaried. I've been worrying about the developers I manage too - which is an unexpected side-benefit of managing - worrying about people and hoping they will be okay under excess work loads. My brain can barely form coherent computer code - much less find anything inspiring about the universe.

THAT'S WHERE TIM COMES IN! Yay! Tim is one of my players in the Labrynth Lord game I run. You have probably read about him here. He's Captain Chaos - the Eye of the MAELSTROM. You know - that guy.

Tim has started a BLOG - From the Ashes. Oh, and let's call Tim by his blog handle, PureStrainHuman . I think a lot of you will get that reference. If you don't, well, may you be visited in the wee hours of the night by Jim Ward holding a cricket bat.

So sorry, I can't lift a finger to inspire you today. Dungeonspiration is exhausted mentally and physically, and still has many more hours of real life work crap to do. But go visit PureStrainHuman. Say hello and go follow his blog. He's pretty inspiring. He has inspired the boy to create Chaotic Neutral Goth Halfling Sorcerers. Wheee!

Brain hurts - must stop typing . . .

- Ark

Dawn at Olympus

2011-09-21T22:00:00.000-05:00

The child of morning, rosy fingered Dawn, crept across the sky in flickering curtains of gold. She illuminated the mountain fortress of Olympus, which still echoed with the revelry of the night before.

" . . . and so I threw the Acropolis at him. The whole Acropolis. True story," mighty Zeus slammed down his goblet of ambrosia while the gods around the table laughed and slapped their knees. At his right hand side, gray-eyed Athena sat, her chin cradled in her hand, trying not to yawn.

"Father," Athena whispered while the laughter continued, "It wasn't the Acropolis. It was a whole mountain. Mt. Etna. Remember?"

Zeus didn't even bother to look at her. "Details are boring, girl. It's the delivery that matters."

"Whatever, Dad," she muttered. Being the Goddess of Wisdom meant that she was constantly surrounded by idiots. The grey owl on her shoulder nuzzled her neck, and hooted lightly into her ear. Athena's eyes instantly shot wide open. "Father, father, we have a problem!" Athena hissed.

Gray bearded Zeus just talked louder over her. The son of Cronos was recounting the time he seduced the Spartan queen Leda.

" . . . since I boinked her as a swan, she laid an egg nine months later. You should have seen her face!"

As Zeus recounted the tale, the banquet hall became quiet, too quiet, as they were not even laughing at his jokes. It was an uncomfortable silence, and Athena tugged at her father's robes, clearing her throat.

"What is it, girl?" he looked down at her and thundered.

She raised a finger and pointed toward the entryway. There stood Hera, wife of almighty Zeus, arms akimbo, tapping her soft sandal on the hallowed floor.

"Well!" the queen of the gods huffed, face red. "I thought I would find you here, cavorting with these . . ."

"Hera, my beloved wife, what brings you here at this late hour?" Zeus sighed.

"Late?" Hera puffed, "Late? Dawn is outside and you call this late? Oh no, husband, it is quite early!"

Zeus blinked, and then blinked again, unsure how to reply. "Um . . ."

Hera pulled up the hem of her robe and marched around the table, toward Zeus' throne. The gods around the table were silent. Dark Hades stared at the floor and shuffled his feet. Brave Ares picked up a knife and examined his reflection in the silver. Watery Poseidon, master of the sea, god of horses, and the 'Earth-shaker,' picked up a salt shaker and tipped a few grains into is ambrosia, then watched as tiny bubbles floated upward to the surface.

"How dare you. I have been scouring the surface of the Earth, looking for you!" Hera jabbed a finger in Zeus' face.

"Do not talk to the King of Olympus in such a manner!" Athena shot up out of her chair.

Hera glared at Athena. "Hold your tongue, daughter!"

"I am no daughter of yours," Athena scoffed, "I was born, fully formed, from my father's forehead."

"Oh, you were born fully formed alright, right out of his giant ass, you little shit," Hera hissed.

Before Athena could materialize the golden spear into her hands, Zeus put his palm on the crown of her head and gently, but forcefully, shoved her down into a sitting position. "Shh, little one." He then turned to his wife.

"If you would have checked the schedule, you would have known about the party. Right boys?" Zeus said.

"Of course," Hades replied.

"Been on the calendar at least a month," Ares nodded.

"The invitations arrived last week," Poseidon waved a brightly colored piece of paper with a weak smile.

Hera's stare bore down on the gods at the table and they all found more interesting things to look at, such as the ceiling, the wall, or an imaginary noise in the direction of the kitchen. She whipped her head back to Zeus, jabbing her finger at him again.

"You've been at it again, and this time I have a witness!"

"I . . . I . . . no," the son of Cronos stammered.

"There is no talking your way out of this one. You are guilty, guilty, guilty!" she jabbed him in the chest.

"I haven't done anything, have I, boys?" he looked back at the gods, who were still busy examining things that weren't there.

Athena stood up, "Hera, this is hardly any way to behave to your King and husband."

"Shut up!" Hera and Zeus said in unison. Zeus eyed Hera, and then turned to Athena. "Listen pumpkin, Mommy and Daddy are having a grown up discussion, so go find something else to do."

Athena huffed and collapsed back into her chair, crossing her arms in a powerful pout.

Hera glared at Zeus, rage in her eyes. "You've been cavorting around with a mortal woman!"

Zeus stared at her.

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

Zeus continued to stare.

"Well?"

"I'm thinking," Zeus, the aegis-bearer, yelled at this wife.

"You swore to me, you swore on your throne, that you would stop this obsession with mortal women. No more stalking and raping them. No more taking the form of an animal and surprising them in the shower!" she shook her fist at him.

Zeus took a deep breath. "Lies. All lies. I have been true to you. I have not touched a mortal woman. Who is this witness that tells such falsehoods?"

"He is there," Hera pointed to the entryway. There stood a form, bent over, hobbling with a cane, his face scarred. It was Hephaestus, god of fire, patron of blacksmiths.

"Oh, I see you've brought your parthenogenetic son with you," Zeus smirked.

"Tell us, my son, tell us what you saw," Hera said as the crippled god finally made it within hearing distance.

"Um, hi Athena," Hephaestus' voice cracked as he made a little wave towards the girl.

She rolled her her eyes. "Hello Hef."

"Get on with it!" Hera hissed.

"I'll report only what I saw, the whole truth," Hephaestus started. "Three nights ago, by a pond, I saw a flaxen haired damsel by the name of Podarge remove her clothing for an evening bath. Of course, I did not wish to be seen, so I hid in the bushes."

Zeus laughed. "Can you really imagine gimpy here running around the bushes like a ninja?"

"Hush," said Hera. "Let him finish!"

"So, the flaxen haired beauty entered the water, and lo and behold, what should I see but a huge glowing bull descend from the sky, his bovine member fully erect, and he ravished the poor mortal girl from behind," Hephaestus finished. Hera turned to Zeus, arms crossed, a smug look on her face.

"Oh come on," Zeus said, "Does every huge flying glowing bull with a tremendous cock that anyone sees on Earth have to be me?"

"Yes," the whole room said in unison.

“You are not helping!” Zeus hissed to the gods at the table.

“Mother warned me,” Hera sobbed. “She said I should marry that nice Hebrew god down the road. But noooo . . .”

“Ambrosia lips,” his voice softened, “That was me. I was there. But you’ve got it all wrong.”

“How?” she sniffed.

“I was there, yes, and I was buggering Podarge. But Podarge is a boy.”

“What?” Hera gawked at him.

“Podarge was a boy,” Zeus nodded.

“But Hephaestus said . . .”

“She had breast!” Hephaestus piped in.

“The poor boy was fat. It was a glandular problem. You can hardly fault him for a medical issue.”

“But . . . but . . .” Hephaestus stuttered.

“Oh come on. Who are you going to believe, me, or a gimpy god with only one working eye!”

Hera glared at Hephaestus.

“But . . .” Hephaestus said meekly.

Hera grabbed Hephaestus by the ear and began dragging the cripple towards the door. “You brought me out here for a boy? A boy? You won’t be able to even limp when I get through with you!”

The cacophony of name calling and curses gradually receded in the distance. Sighs of relief emanated from the table. Zeus wiped the sweat off his brow and turned to his daughter.

“Thank goodness that is done with, Athena.”

“Yes, Father,” she sighed.

“Now I want you to go to the walk-in closet in my private room.”

“Which walk-in closet?” Athena cocked her head.

“The one with the waterfall and the forest.”

“Oh.”

“There are three mortal women in there, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.”

“Dad!” Athena bolted from her chair.

“Take the blonde. That's Podarge. Feed her to a Cyclops or toss her into the sky and make a constellation out of her. Whatever you do, keep it quiet, but get rid of her.”

Athena shook her head, sighing. “Father, if you don't control yourself, you may, one day, be replaced with a god who is a monogamist.”

“Nonsense, my girl, nonsense,” Zeus laughed, mussing her hair. “What kind of human would worship a pansy-ass god like that?”

Rosy fingered Dawn tiptoed across the palace and back down Mount Olympus, heading across the Ionian Sea to Italy, snickering silently to herself.

The End

[with apologies to Homer . . .]

- Ark

Behold the Druid! Beware His Powers! Unspeakable Powers!

2011-09-20T22:51:00.000-05:00

So continuing from this post, the Labyrinth Lord gang was in a forest, armed to the teeth, standing around a magical hole on a slab of granite on the ground - a hole that lead to another magical hole 60 feet up the side of a tower half a mile away, overlooking the central courtyard of the town of Barton Hill. It was near dusk, and they could see 30 orcs standing in formation outside of the local Church of the Lawgiver.

Yeah, if that hurt your head, you should probably go read the first post. You probably missed the whole part about the Aperture Science Portal Wands and big green dragon. :)

Anyway, one player began pitching Molotov cocktails at random roofs. Another tossed an oil flask at the orc who looked like the leader. Other players unleashed volleys of arrows into the startled orc platoon.

The orcs were freaking out in the town square. To the side of the square was the church. Now the church had had its front face ripped off, but was at such an angle that the player's couldn't see inside, yet there was a suspicion that the green dragon that they had seen landing in the town was inside.

One of the characters that The Boy is playing is Beagle the 2nd level Halfling Druid. Okay, yeah, I am being a little lax on class restrictions - but druid halflings make perfect sense to me. It probably stretches back to my affinity for Yondalla and the belief that all halflings would worship the Goddess of Nookie.

So Beagle drops an Entangle spell down in the courtyard, making sure that it covers the entrance of the church, and the the area of effect goes deep inside the battered holy structure.

Go grab your AEC and look up Entangle. Page 43. I'll wait.

Okay, I won't wait. Go compare it with the Entangle spell in the 1st Edition Player's Handbook. I'll wait.

Again, I tricked you. I won't wait. This LL first level druid spell has a range of 80' and 40' diameter of effect - a factor of ten greater than the original spell. I kind of think a typo might have occurred here - but I'm really not a fan of nerfing things mid-flight . . . so . . .

A 40 foot diameter. I can't believe it. That's enough to entangle . . . a dragon.

That was just where the frikkin dragon was sleeping too. He was supposed to get up, look around, see the PCs and go bleach their skins until they had no more skins. This was to be my revenge for all those horrible, horrible things the players have done to me over the years.

But still . . my pretty little lizard had a saving throw.

Crap.

Double dog crap.

FAILED.

As Charlie Brown says when Lucy pulls the football at the last moment . . . AAAUUUGHHH!

So the dragon wakes up and finds himself entangled. He's already nervous. His sister was killed by a bunch of yahoos only a week ago, not twelve miles away. He's agitated, cranky, and ready to kill something. His opponent must be close by, so he lets loose with his breath weapon.

Clearly, the dragon was operating off his remembrances of reading Gary Gygax's version of the spell, not Dan Proctor's.

And, yeah, the big cloud of chlorine gas fills up the courtyard and kills his orc bodyguards. Bodyguards. There to protect him. Him. A dragon.

It really just gets worse from here, but I'll leave that to another day.

;)

- Ark

Moe's Scale of RPG Hardness

2011-09-19T23:59:00.000-05:00

I've always been a fan of talc.

Over the last year, I think I've played a larger variety of role playing games, with a bigger mix of people, that I have in any other year during my gaming life - especially as a player - not just a DM. It's gotten me thinking about a lot of facets of gaming - and about what I like in a game. One of the things I keep on coming back to is Roll vs. Role playing.

I'm still on the fence about a lot of it, from a player's point of view, but it seems to me you could map a lot of it out on a continuum, like Moh's Mineral Hardness scale. People have probably already done it - and I just haven't seen it - or didn't pay attention at the time. On one side would be having everything in a game be determined by the results of dice rolls versus skills. The other is where everything is decided by GM fiat. Everywhere in the middle would fall actaul real games that existed in reality.

As a players, it's pretty neat to create a character that can yell there way out of combat. Playing one, ont he other hand, feels kind of weird when you do you best yelling every - then roll your die and hope the other creature is intimidated.

On the GM's side, the use of skill rolls is nice in that it gives an out - the GM doesn't have to bow to social pressure in making everything run away from a character who yells all the time. Those rules give some comfort in how to handle it, I guess.

But it all seems strange to me, when you step aside from the social interaction and toss a die.

Anyway, this little post is really quite half baked as I am still trying to wrap my head about how I feel about certain styles of play. Feel free to comment down below, as I'd love to see some discussion about it - from many different viewpoints.

- Ark

The Road Less Exploded

2011-09-17T23:40:00.000-05:00

Note the carefully placed snipers behind the
bottle of soap bubbles and the Wii Zumba box!

I've been a long time fan of Savage Worlds. Back last year, I ran some one-shot games and was preparing to run a campaign, but it fell through. The Boy even GMed a short game with some friends, which was very fun. I'd love to do some more Savage Worlds, but with the amount of other games going - it just hasn't been feasible.

Enter Savage Worlds Showdown. Showdown is a skirmish version of Savage Worlds. The rules are basically the same as Savage Worlds, with a bit of streamlining to take it out of the realm of RPG and into the wargaming world. You build your units with points, agree upon a scenario with your opponent, and have at it. It's kind of like GURPS Warhammer, I guess, in that you can build just about whatever you want. It's easy to min/max and make unfun - if that's what you like - but if the players agree upon some guidelines and look at the process of creating a scenario as game design, rather than competition, it can be loads of fun.

We started out using LEGO Star Wars figures, and as the Boy and I were playing, I came to the realization that we really didn't have to play on a game board or map. We could use the entire frikkin living room as our battlefield.

Today, we graduated to our old WOTC Star Wars minis. This was mainly because The Boy didn't want to go through the effort of digging through his vats of LEGOs to find the battle droid pieces. The minis were fun. I must say - Savage Star Wars is much more fun than the old Star Wars skirmish game.

The Boy had a troops of clones - some regular clones, a troop commander (kind of a vanilla Rex) and some snipers. I had some Super and non-Super Battle Droids. Oh, and some snipers as well. The two sides were fighting over a set of strange LEGO buildings that The Boy had crafted. They were important to the war effort, I'm sure.

Like our old Soviet nemesis, I decided to go with sheer numbers. The Boy went with grenades. Frikkin grenades. That punk commander had a thermal detonator. It didn't take long for my poor troops to become scrap.

The boy took the Road Less Exploded, and that has made all the difference. ;)

Savage Worlds Showdown is FREE, btw. You can get it at the company website on the downloads page. Don't forget to snag the excel worksheet that has all the troop building formulas built in.

Enjoy!

- Ark

Artistic Clarification

2011-09-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

Clarence the Frog Goblin

There has been a continuing confusion about my artistic ability, though I have tried, in some posts, to clear it up. The angry demon in the title banner and the sad succubus are NOT by me. The angry demon is by Angel Urena. The succubus is by Matthew Humphreys. Both are absolutely wonderful artists who I commissioned with COLD, HARD CASH to draw these things. Again, they are not by me.

I, on the other hand, draw like crap. Passable crap sometimes, but still - crap. Please take Clarence the Frog Goblin over there as an example. If you want to commission me to do some art - sorry - I only do things for free. But I'd be happy to draw Clarence for you. In fact - take Clarence. Use him. Print him on cardstock and make an army of him to battle your players in a 4e game. Go ahead. Feel free.

So, sorry for any confusion.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Atlantis

2011-09-15T12:49:00.000-05:00

When I was young, my mother would enter a trance-like state and describe her memories of past lives. One such session stuck with me vividly. She reported that in a previous life, she had been a man at Atlantis. At the time, Atlantis was a collection of thousands of little islands with connecting bridges. The most common transportation was by boat - powered by a network of crystal energy transmitters that ultimately got their power from one big crystal that pulled its amperage directly from the sun and stars.

My mother had been a scientist who had helped develop the whopping big mega crystal. The crystal was a source of tremendous raw power. The Atlantean government decided to use that power against the Lemurians, who were a hostile force on the other side of the planet. Focusing the stellar forces with the crystal, my mother and her fellow scientists blew up Lemuria - sinking it into the depths of the Pacific ocean. Regretfully, the shock-waves went round the world and caused Atlantis to sink as well.

Needless to say, I had a voracious appetite for anything I could find out about Atlantis. The home bookshelves were filled with such content. Jane Robert's descriptions of Atlantis and multi-colored people riding dinosaurs seemed to back up my mother's recollections. And Charles Berlitz' memoir about diving in the Caribbean and coming under attack from a crystal powered pyramid shooting laser was great. Edgar Cayce was a bevy of information, what with all of his access to the ethereal Akashic Records. And von Däniken's Chariots of the Gods - well - can you say NAZCA?

Eventually I picked up Plato and read his descriptions of Atlantis. I did a lot of head scratching and sat down with pencil and paper to map out what he described. This - the definitive source on Atlantis - didn't seem to have anything to do with the Atlantis in my mother's books. Other than that some sort of land mass sunk, that is.

I kept my eye out for more books, though. One I found in high school pointed out the similarities of Plato's Atlantis with Troy. It was a great book, full of very interesting details. The only problem was that Troy never sank. Bummer. Other books pointed out Antarctica and Greenland as possible sources. Sri Lanka? Hmmm.

Santorini (Thera)

After a long, fallow time in my Atlantis research, I came back to it with renewed vigor. Revisiting the theories, most seemed silly and - frankly - wish fulfillment on the part of whoever was advancing a particular theory.

The theory that really made sense was born out of Spyridon Marinatos' excavation of Akrotiri, a city on the Greek island of Thera. There had been a thriving civilization on the volcanic island. Then one day, some four thousand years ago, the volcano blew its top, turning most of the island to ash that sank to the bottom of the sea, and burying what was left. The event spawned tidal waves that severely crippled the surrounding islands, and perhaps hit mainland areas all over the Aegean and Mediterranean.

The Atlanteans appear to be the people archaeologists call the Minoans. I had already known about the Minoans. I think the first thing that struck me about them was BOOBS.

Tiny little shirts.

Yeah. Breasts. The Minoans of Crete and the surrounding islands had some wonderful art - and a lot of it seemed to focus on breasts. Or, at least, the bits I remember. They seemed to have something against bras - and shirts, for that matter. But really, the Minoans had some wonderful art. The drawings were very cartoon-like - a favorite style of mine. The sculptures could be very lifelike - very realistic - especially when focusing on bulls.

The Minoans were a very mysterious lot. They were just beginning to write at the time, and really only using it to record crop productivity and the number of goats owned by a particular noble. I did a lot of study on the Minoans, and eventually came to the conclusion that no one know what the hell they are talking about if they say anything definitive about the culture. They could count sheep, they built buildings and ships, they could paint pretty pictures, and apparently they sacrificed people when they felt the need. They even, apparently, build a handful of buildings in Egypt and the Levant - or, at least someone was there using very similar architectural and artistic styles. But what the heck that means is up in the air - though I like the idea of trade embassies, myself.

So, my long search for Atlantis ended with - well - it ended with a great big question mark. To me, Atlantis is the Minoan civilization predating the more sweeping Mycenaean based culture that swept in from mainland Greece. But all there are are scraps and trash - leftovers of what appears to have been a bright and vibrant civilization. But it's really not about the destination. It's about the trip that brought me there, and everything I learned along the way.

I'd love to create an RPG - or at least setting - based on the Minoans - perhaps with a sprinkle of Greekish proto-mythology dropped in. What I have in my mind, however, would be a massive undertaking. And I guess that few would ever want to play it, as it would delve deeply into bronze age cultures and a mindset that is probably very hard for modern players to get into. D&D with Minoan trappings is not what I am after.

But still, all that I have learned is useful in my campaigns. If you see powerful, sea-faring cultures in one of my games - you can be assured that there is a little o Atlantis in all of them.

So go forth research what you love. Even if it's about the gestation period of the tsetse fly, I bet there is something there that can be plopped right into a campaign - making it all the more rich.

Oh, and for your reading pleasure, here is some of the research material on my shelves in my last great fact-finding tour of Atlantis. Enjoy!

Apollodorus. (BCE). The Library of Greek Mythology.
Apollonus of Rhodes. (BCE). Jason and the Golden Fleece.
Burr, Elizabeth. (1993). The Chiron Dictionary of Greek & Roman Mythology.
Cahill, Thomas. (2003). Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea.
Cameron, Pat. (2003). Blue Guide: Crete.
Campbell-Dunn, GJK. (2006). Who were the Minoans? An African Answer.
Castleden, Rodney. (1998). Atlantis Destroyed.
Castleden, Rodney. (1990). Minoans: Life in Bronze Age Crete.
Chadwick, John. (1987). Linear B and Related Scripts.
Chadwick, John. (1976). The Mycenaean World.
Cottrell, Leonard. (1953). The Bull of Minos.
Dickinson, Oliver. (1994). The Aegean Bronze Age.
Farnoux, Alexandre. (1993). Searching for the Legendary Palace of King Minos.
Garrison, Daniel H. (2000). Sexual Culture in Ancient Greece.
Graves, Robert (1955). The Greek Myths.
Hawkes, Jacquetta. (1972). Dawn of the Gods.
Herodotus. (BCE). The Histories.
Hesiod. (BCE). Theogony.
Hesiod. (BCE). Works and Days.
Higgins, Reynold. (1967). Minoan and Mycenaean Art.
Homer. (BCE). Illiad.
Homer. (BCE). Odyssey.
MacGillivray, J. A. (2001). Minotaur: Sir Arthur Evans and the Archaeology of the Minoan Myth.
Marinatos, Nanno. (2010) Minoan Kingship and the Solar Goddess: A Near Eastern Koine.
Martin, Thomas R. (1996). Ancient Greece.
Mathioulakis, D. & I. (1960). Crete.
Mohen, Jean-Pierre. (2000). The Bronze Age in Europe.
Pellegrino, Charles (1991). Unearthing Atlantis.
Plato. (BCE). Critias.
Plato. (BCE). Timaeus.
Saggs, H. W. F. (1989). Civilization Before Greece and Rome.
Snell, Daniel C. (1997). Life in the Ancient Near East.
Time-Life Books. (1987). The Age of the God-Kings.
Unknown. (BCE). Gilgamesh.
Wiedemann, Thomas. (1981). Greek & Roman Slavery.
Wilson, Ian. (2001). Past Lives: Unlocking the Secrets of Our Ancestors.

- Ark

And I Thought Holes Were For Throwing People Down

2011-09-12T23:55:00.000-05:00

After some intense carousing, the party found themselves wandering the Wilds again. They were somewhat grumpy, owing vast sums to the City of Fultum, the Thieves' Guild, and the Assassin's Guild in long night of debauchery. Oh - and there were the accusations of horse molestation, too.

They don't take roads anymore, so they didn't catch the attention of yet another green dragon in the sky. This one was patrolling the skies over Barton Hill. Yes, that Barton Hill, the site of the infamous Cube of Force attack. They carefully hid while The Boy's halfling thief - Ferrit - shimmied up a tree.

With the aide of Ferrit's magical glasses, they saw the dragon light inside the walls of Barton Hill - half a mile away. They also saw that the human guards on the wall had been replaced with orc guards.

Tim was livid. The last time they attacked the city, Sai-Lin - Ron's cleric/Magic-user - had talked everyone into not burning the whole place down - just the city hall. Think of the children, was the cleric's plea. But this time it was unanimous - burn the mother to the ground.

Around four months ago - real time - the party found a set of wands that acted almost exactly like the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device in the Portal video game, the Wands of Doors. Suddenly, the entire party remembers that they have the wands (gotta love gamer's selective memories,) and begin to try to figure out how they might work outside of the dungeon in which they were found.

After some Q&A, Sai-Lin determines/remembers that the Wands only work on granite. They have Ferrit eyeball the walls of Barton Hill. Are they granite? I make a roll and give it a one in three chance. Crap. Yes, the walls of Barton Hill are granite.

After looking at the town, they only place they can place a portal hole so it gives a view inside of Barton Hill is on one of the two towers. They can do that, alright, but they need to have portal near to them - and they are not willing to go closer than half a mile near the town.

"Are there any pieces of granite around?" they ask. Some pebbles, yes. But they need a space six feet in radius to get a portal to appear. I let them know there is nothing like that around.

"What about those city walls?" Mervyn's cleric dwarf suddenly pipes up. "There had to be a quarry somewhere around to get that much stone. A granite quarry."

Greeeeat. The frikkin dwarf has turned into frikkin Columbo.

"Okay okay, you find the quarry. It's got all the slabs you'd ever need."

They drag a slab to half-mile mark from the town and place a portal hole on it, then have Ferrit place the other side of the hole on the granite tower. The party then peers down the hole in the slab and sees the city square below.

Thirty orc stand in formation in the square. One one side of the square, the Church of the Lawgiver sits, looking worse for wear. It appears as though the front face of the church has been ripped off. Rubble is on the ground around it, but they can't see directly into the hole in the church from the angle of thier portal.

"Is that hole about the size of a dragon?" one of the players asks.

Crap.

The characters readied flasks of oil, bows, slings, and torches - grinning with delight - all aiming downward.

(This, dear friends, is what we call a CLIFFHANGER.)

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Etymology

2011-09-08T11:14:00.000-05:00

When I was younger, I used to grab a dictionary off the shelf, sit down on the floor, flip to a page, and just start reading for hours. One of the things I particularly liked about a good old fashioned dictionary was that little piece before the formal definition of a word - the etymology bit. I was always fascinated about how the meanings, uses, and forms of words shifted over time. Those little blurbs were always too small - just offering a hint of what that particular word had been up to over the centuries.

Twenty years ago I stumbled onto a book by Robert Claiborne called The Roots of English. It's basically an etymological dictionary, but as Claiborne states, "It's in no sense a comprehensive dictionary of Indo-European roots but rather on of Indo-European roots in English. And only some of those . . . about a third. In partial compensation, I've added a modest selection of non-Indo-European words or roots that have contributed to our everyday vocabulary."

The Roots of English is fascinating to read. Most entries have interesting little stories about these 'proto-words,' and Claiborne makes interesting links from one word to another. I learned about the word "arkhein," from this book:

[Greek ARKHEIN, to begin, > take the lead, which > rule (rulers - sometimes - take the lead, though not always in the right direction). The "begin" sense > ANCIENT ("from the beginning"), ARCHAEOLOGY (the study of ancient things), and the ARCHIVES where ancient documents are stored, frequently enshrining ARCHAIC laws. The "rule" sense produced the MONARCHY ruled by one person and the ARCHITECT who is the "ruler" of construction - a master builder.]

Of course, arkhein also reminded me of a combination of arcane and Arkham as well, so it has been a favorite word of mine for two decades.

What I found particularly useful was that I could take the root words from the book and turn them into good words for role playing and story creation. Fantasy words made with real English root words seem to strike a chord with the listener much better than a word formed out of gobbledygook. There is even an index in the back of the book that links English to the root word, making word creation much easier.

The Roots of English is a great resource for DMs and word-o-philes and I highly recommend it.

Oh, and as a little side note, Robert Claiborne was a fascinating guy himself. He was a folk singer who toured with Woody Guthrie, a victim of the House Un-American Activities Committee, an editor at Scientific American and various Time-Life science books, and wrote on subject such as medicine, astronomy, climate-anthropology, marine biology, and linguistics. He was quite a fascinating guy.

So go grab a dictionary, a comfy patch of rug, a quiet afternoon, and a glass of Hi-C and go invent a new language or two. :)

- Ark

Vayniris Anthology Update

2011-09-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

Two giraffes use peer pressure to try and convince
The Boy to spend his lunch money on Warhammer 40K minis.

I've been spending a lot of my time recently working on the Vayniris Anthology Project. I'm pretty excited about it, and I think the end product will be a great collection of short stories.

For those who don't know, the project is an attempt to produce an 'Appendix N worthy' shared world anthology, set in a vast urban fantasy sprawl. More information about it can be found in this post. The deadline for submitting stories in December 31st, 2011. This is a non-profit project, with all proceeds going to a children's charity - most likely Bryan's House. If you are interested in contributing, shoot me an email and I'll send you the guidelines.

I've been poking around, getting a feel for the cost of art for the book cover, and it makes my wallet want to run and hide. Honestly, I'm not a great spender. But I'd like to have a nice, spiff-o-riffic cover that entices people to buy the book and raise money for kids in need. This has brought me to two different lines of thought. 1) Why not just ask people to donate art? or 2) Start up a Kickstarter project and raise any money I need that way.

So . . .

1) Probably wouldn't work. I'm looking for something pretty specific in the cover art - something that would not be amiss on bookshelves in the sci-fi\fantasy section of B. Daltons or Waldenbooks back in 1981. I'm not sure an artist donating their time and effort would put up with my picky-ness on the matter. (But if somewhere out there is a masochist artist willing to put up with me, feel free to reply below or send me an email.)

2) Kickstarter - hmm. Seems like a magical well where people go and scoop up money for free. I'm sure there is some catch, but I haven't looked very far into the process. I'm pretty sure that even a vague amount of interest could generate enough cash to pay for cover art - but do I have to sell my soul? Heck, it could potentially get enough cash to publish in some manner other than Lulu. If anyone has experience in using Kickstarter - let me know your experiences, good or bad.

The more I think about this project, the better I want it to do - I want excellent stories that people will love to read, an excellent framework that will showcase the author's work in the best possible light, a kicking cover that evokes exactly the right mood, and a final product that can go beyond the confines of the OSR and really make some money for the kiddos.

So, anyway, I'm scratching my head at logistics here. Thanks in advance for any advice.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Geography

2011-09-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week I was poking around in one of my bookcases and rediscovered a book that I hadn't seen for a while: The Geography Behind History, by W. Gordon East. Like Br'er Rabbit's tar baby, this book tends to grab me and not let me go.

Early in my DMing career, I was having problems with world building. All of the standard 'Tolkien ingedients' were there, but the worlds seemed dead, flat, and nonsensical. But soon, I discovered The Geography Behind History, and discovered why.

My original world-building method involved tracing the outlines of a continent, and then tossing in some mountains, rivers, forest, and deserts. After that, I'd pick some good races and evil races, develop a timeline of wars and other important events - and then start the campaign. The big problem was my history very little to do with the map I drew.

In a mere two hundred pages, W. Gordon East packs a huge amount of information about how people and events are inextricably linked to the local geography. He discusses why people pick the areas that they settle, how roads develop from animal trails, and how borders drawn on maps have little to do with reality. There are over seventy maps that explore the relations of climate, vegetation, trade routes, population, viticulture, and a heap of things that I can't even remember.

The book may be a bit dated, since it was published in 1965. I'm not sure where, though. East speaks of theories of early migration to the New World that, while discredited in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, have made a big comeback recently. It's discussion on Cold War politics and geography in the last chapter may not be 'the fresh new thing,' but it still has importance in today's world.

Below is a table of contents to give you a look at the structure:

Geography as an Historical Document
Old Maps as Historical Documents
Geographical Position
Climate and History
Routes
Towns
Frontiers and Boundaries
Habitat and Economy
The Dawn of Civilisation
The Dawn of Civilisation in the Americas
Europe and China
International Politics

I checked on Amazon, and was surprised that they had the book in stock. The only two reviewers had nothing good to say, though. Like any old English textbook, it can be dry at times, but it's the kind of dry that I like. I have read this book many times and have always found things that sparked wonderful ideas. If you can make it through all 1,342 pages of H. G. Wells' The Outline of History, then The Geography Behind History will be a breeze.

So go read a book on geography and get inspired to draw some maps and develop some really interesting history and cultures. :)

- Ark

Altered Luna

2011-08-29T23:16:00.000-05:00

When mankind began to generate more energy than it could easily consume, it turned its sights to the Moon, and dreams of a second, 'real' home. Two hundred years of man-made cometary bombardment and genetic bio-engineering have created the Moon of the 28th century.

The Moon of the 28th century. Click to zoom in.

While the atmosphere is not thick enough to support life beyond simple algae and lichen, the lunar seas seethe with bright green genetically altered single and multi-cellular organisms hard at work removing toxins from the environment and creating greenhouse gases as an after-effect. Lack of a breathable atmosphere has not stopped people from building cities on the moon, as can be seen by the lights in the southeastern shaded area.

From ancient times, this area has been called Mare Fecunditatis, but modern inhabitants prefer to refer to it as 'the Sea of Nookie.' Scientists say that we are still two hundred years from having a proper beach party and skinny-dip there.

[Image done with lots of fiddling and painting in Adobe Photoshop. Thanks goes out to NASA & JPL, for gathering the data, NOAA, for some nifty clouds to steal, and Arthur C. Clarke, a man who inspired me to play with fantasy in a framework of science.]

- Ark

Meet the Victims

2011-08-26T15:50:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that some of you actually read this blog for my re-canting of the tales of joy and woe at the gaming table. That's sort of odd to me, as one of the first things I learned about the cultural aspects of D&D Club was not to talk about D&D Club. No no one really wants to hear about your 47th level Ranger.

However, it appears perfectly acceptable to talk about other people's 47th level Rangers. :)

So here is to the guys who actually write the stories I tell - the guys who put up with my blood rage, funny voices, innappropritae role play, and fuzzy rule recalling. Come, meet the victims.

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

The Boy - my tween son, who's been playing role playing games for four years now. He's a very crafty player, with a recent penchant for playing halflings - though he loves to make fighters named Regdar too. The Boy achieved Manhood on Jun 8th, 2011, when his character was eaten by a giant carnivorous plant in a game of Metamorphosis Alpha run by JIM FRIKKIN' WARD. I've never had such a proud or emotional moment in my life. I tear up just thinking about it.

Mervyn - a neighbor in his very early twenties. Mervyn is an 'in your face' player - the kind of guy who looks for the largest monster in the batch and charges full steam into it. His naturally high Charisma stat tends to convince others to do the same thing. He's been playing war games, card games, board games, video games, and role playing games since he was an embryo, and enjoys pushing a game to it's limits. I played D&D with Mervyn's father for a good long while, until he passed away last year.

Kaye - the new kid on the block. He's a good friend of Mervyn's and around the same age. He seems to like to play big, buff fighter types who do a lot of damage. I'd guess that it might be more of a self-defense mechanism developed while playing with gung-ho Mervyn. :) Kaye watched us play, then wanted to play 4e with us. After that, he wanted to join my Labyrinth Lord game, so either he is mentally unbalanced, or he actually likes Old School Play. Or both, perhaps.

Ron - an old-ass gamer who is almost as old as me. He always seems to have a game going somewhere. He drives quite a way to get to the games, so I try to be mindful of that and present something interesting to him during games. Ron is a thoughtful player, who likes to plan for contingencies and have all of his ducks in a row. Regretfully, the universe hates Ron, and will fuck him over on just about any dice roll. He once had three characters die - in a row. He's a trooper, though, and slogs through whatever the universe hands him.

Tim - Stark . . . Raving . . . Mad. Tim is a Maelstrom of Chaos in a World Gone Wrong. The only predictable thing about him is that he is unpredictable. In one game, he played a dragonborn who 'wore' a kobold in order to help convert it. In that same game, he decided to play that very same kobold - as a converted monk. This game, he is playing an elf who worships a god that doesn't exist. To be honest, earlier in my career, I would have kicked Tim out of the group for his disruptive ways, but these days - I say screw it and let the chips fall where they may. :)

So that's the gang! They are going to kill me for the pictures I drew of them - especially poor Tim - but oh well - it was worth it.

- Ark

Dungeonspiration: Chichén Itzá

2011-08-25T15:25:00.000-05:00

Tamoachan/Kukulkan

The Hidden Shrine of Tamoachan was one of my favorite modules to look at and read back in the early '80s, so when I had the chance to go to a real life Central American temple complex, I jumped at the chance.

The tour guide looked like a Mexican Saddam Hussein. I would have never mentioned it, but he seemed proud of the fact and told us at least ten times. El Saddam also informed us that the best was to remember how to pronounce Chichén Itzá was to say 'Chicken Pizza' as many times as possible.

Chichén Itzá is a wonderful site, dominated by large gray buildings rising up out of the hot, arid jungle. Any thoughts of fantasy worlds or imaginary dungeons melt away. This shit is real, and there is a heck of a lot more to it than just a pyramid.

What most people don't realize is that a good chunk of the site was basically rubble when European explorers found it. A lot of effort went into figuring out how all the stones fit together. And who knows, maybe they got it completely wrong. Perhaps Chichén Itzá should really look like a gigantic stone EPCOT center.

Okay, maybe not. :)

Below is the Well of Souls. It's a cenote, which is a fresh water filled limestone sinkhole. Supposedly, the Mayans took sacrificial victims, weighted them down with stones, gave them a hallucinogenic drug, and tossed them in the below.

Unlike the other cenote I visited in the Yucatán, this one was dirty and muddy looking, and I could just imagine centuries of corpses piled up on the bottom, intermingled in the ooze. Yuck.

The image above is of part of the Tzompantli, or Wall of Skulls. Supposedly, thousands upon thousands of human sacrifices were performed here. Death seems to be ever present at Chichén Itzá.

Near the end of the tour, El Saddam let us roam the site on our own. I was drawn to the out of the way nooks and crannies were the crowds were absent. After some time of wandering, I found myself staring at a blocked entrance. Where was the entrance to? Well - it should be obvious. A hidden shrine - with deadly traps and hideous monsters. Perhaps there was a gibbering mouther just beyond the stones - but only Erol Otus would know for sure.

So get off your duff and go to the Mexico. Or perhaps just go to the Wikipedia page. Whatever the case, ancient Mayan ruins are a great way to get inspired. Dream on.

- Ark

Dear Christian

2011-08-24T23:56:00.005-05:00

[I intended to write a brief note to Christian regarding his latest post, but it turned into an essay . . .]

I feel your pain. For most of the last thirty years of game mastering, I've felt I've been too nice to the players, too kind, too wishy-washy. The threats I designed weren't deadly enough - I didn't push hard enough - I wasn't ruthless enough. Then there were the rare TPK's where I felt completely opposite.

I decided to become a bastard earlier this year. I told the guys that I had been playing 4e with up front - "I want to play old style D&D. I want to kill your characters. I want to kill them in a frikkin pit trap. But more importantly, I want you to be frosty enough to avoid that pit trap with your own wits - not at the roll of a die."

They were interested, but kind of freaked. "Can we have max hp at first level?" they asked. "Sure," I grumbled. "Can we use AD&D/AEC big style hit dice where the fighter would have a d10 instead of a d8?" "Sure," I sighed. "Death at -10?" "Okay." Their freak level reduced drastically and they started looking forward to the game.

In business lingo - they had 'buy-in.' They agreed to to support the 'gaming project.' Why? Well, they trust me enough to keep coming back for more. But more importantly - we bargained and made a deal. They had input. I wanted to kill them. They wanted more hit points. Did I want to give them more hit points? Nooooo. ONE HIT POINT IS ALL YOU GET, YOU SQUIRMY LITTLE MAGIC-USER! But it was important to them to have that buffer.

They really didn't take into consideration that if they were more powerful, I was just going to throw harder things at them. :) Live and learn.

We've made other deals and their characters have had an extra leg up once in a while - like for a period of time during low levels they were allowed to play two characters. That helped them feel a bit better. We are phasing that out now with attrition. I also instituted the Order of the d30, which allows them to use the d30 to replace any single 'in game' roll, which has been quite helpful to them. But each little concession or boost like that made me feel better about being the bastard - giving me license to throw the kitchen sink at them.

It's not like we have a TPK every week, but in around half a year we've had 4 deaths. The wonderful thing is that each one of those deaths has been perfectly guilt free on my part. And almost all those deaths have been when I turned up the heat and something went wrong in their planning. Like jumping on a frikkin airborne dragon. You know, that kind of wrong. :)

A lot of players these days have a sense of entitlement. They feel their character shouldn't die. They feel that their stuff should never be destroyed or stolen. They want to be immortal gods at first level. Part of that is because there are more players that GMs, so the gaming companies design games to appeal to where their cash is coming from. The other part is because GMs let them - to be nice or liked or that's how the damn book told us how to do it.

While playing pumped up glowing-haired wuxia death ninjas out of the gate can be a valid and enjoyable form of role playing - it's not the only one, and it's certainly not the way we started back when we were riding dinosaurs to school. Forcing the players into an LBB/OD&D style campaign would have been a disaster. Their expectations were no where near such a thing. Sitting down and being honest about the type of game we wanted to play has paved the way for a really completely awesome gaming experience that's going on now in our Labyrinth Lord game. I enjoy REALLY trying to kill them, and they enjoy outsmarting me. And when someone does eat dirt, we laugh and laugh and laugh - wait for the guy to roll up his next character - and keep on trucking.

I hope that you can get the type of edge in your game you are looking for. I don't know if what I just wrote will help you achieve that in any way, but I'm crossing my fingers and am thinking happy little tree thoughts for you and your players. :)

- Ark

Beard and Boob Badge

2011-08-23T23:33:00.003-05:00

Yeah yeah yeah, show me a parade float and I'll jump on it.

I'd like to present the Beard and Boob Badge, for those DMs who like to play an opposite sex NPC a little bit longer than anyone else at the table is comfortable with.

I guess that's all the badges that fit. Yay me!

- Ark

Educating The Boy

2011-08-22T22:55:00.000-05:00

Actual photo of The Boy.

This last school year was a big bag of not fun for the boy. Years of bullying from students and pressure to conform by teachers into some kind of Stepford playground attendant left him emotionally exhausted.

My response to a similar school experience led me to become a silent wallflower. For the Boy, such a compromise was never really on the table. As those of you have met him know - you know - the Boy is THE BOY, in all caps, the guy who puts a big smile on your face, causes you to laugh to the point of tears during an rpg session, can drive a teacher insane, and has the ability to attract every bully within a ten mile radius that is crusin' to destroy the different and special.

Near the end of the year, enough was enough, and we pulled him out of school and spend some quiet, calm time home schooling and emotionally recovering.

Today was the first day back to school - but this time, no brick and mortar school, and no home schooling. He's attending an online school. Enrolling was a bit of a hurdle, but when that was completed, they sent us books, school supplies, and a computer. Pretty nifty set up - especially since it's a public school so all of that was free (well, we gotta send them back.) It's kind of like home schooling, but with the heavy lifting done by the state.

After this first day he was absolutely ecstatic. He gets to interact with teachers on the phone and on the web in a variety of ways. The kids even get to chat with one another before classes - which are flexible time-wise. And one of the things he seemed most excited about - he doesn't have to stick with the rest of the pack - he can go do lessons ahead of time. He's already two lessons ahead on the first day, and we can see his progress right there, live and online as he chugs along.

I'm so happy he's liking it so far. I'll be doing some supplemental education in the evenings. Since we are learning to create Pathfinder characters, he'll need to learn algebra and pre-calculus.

HA! That was a joke. Sort of. ;)

Things are looking up.

- Ark

I Think There Is Something Probably Wrong With Me

2011-08-21T00:27:00.000-05:00

:)

- Ark

Bloodspurt

2011-08-20T01:39:00.001-05:00

image by Nathan M. Rosario

I am working on my character for the Pathfinder game I'm going to be playing with the Boy, who is playing a Goth halfling sorcerer with a tiny dragon familiar.

My character is, well, just check him out -

Name: Bloodspurt

Race: Half-orc
Class: Paladin
Alignment: Lawful Good

STR: 15
DEX: 13
CON: 14
INT: 8
WIS: 16
CHR: 19

I am seriously considering making him blond with an appearance identical to Fabio. I don't think I am going to be able to stop laughing throughout the entire campaign. Dear god I'm going to be annoying. The other players are going to kill me while I'm sleeping.

- Ark

The Six Million Dollar GM: Faster, Stronger, Now With More Funions

2011-08-19T11:35:00.001-05:00

Honestly, I don't remember it being so PINK.

I triple dog dared ckutalik over in one of beedo's post to do what beedo mentioned, which was "something I'd like to see more bloggers discuss is their successful table techniques that translate into good games." ckutalik is still writing, I guess, so I'll go first. ;) He did post up some rules for the challenge, which I probably have not followed at all, but here we go . . .

Everything important that I've learned about running a role playing game I discovered in the first few years of playing. The remaining decades are just filled with me having to relearn these basic tenants because I've read gaming advice that sounds good, but ultimately falls short.

Now when I say YOU in the points below, I mean ME. I'm talking to myself here, and the games that I play. What works for other people is different that what works for me. You probably shouldn't even be reading this because it will screw up your game.

1. Stop fucking planning.

Really dude, just stop it. Being prepared is one thing, but sitting around, imagining what the players are going to do and coming up with some sort of tree branch decision matrix outcome generation system is futile. It's not going to be exciting.

Let the players do whatever the hell they want and react to it on the fly. Build the world each step of the way as the players put their foot down on that particular patch of grass. Sure, sketch out a map, imagine some dungeon ideas, flesh out an npc - but never expect that the players will go to those lands, explore those dungeons, or meet those characters. The players can't screw up your plans if you don't have any, and it's kind of rude to expect the very free-thinking players that you want to be playing with to hop aboard your choo-choo train of railroadiness, no matter how grand it might play out in your head.

The best 'planning' for a game is to read lots of adventure fiction, ancient history books, geology texts, and Shakespeare. Go watch Mythbusters and play with LEGOs. Devour information and play games. Feed your mind the building blocks of world making so you can have the tools to build on the fly.

2. Don't you dare open that rulebook.

Looking up monsters stat, equipment lists, or random tables is okay. But don't waste anyone's time digging for rules DURING A GAME. If you can't remember it - it was obviously too complicated anyway.

Recently, one of my newer players had a character in the water, fighting a sewer kraken in 4e. I told him that he was at a negative two to hit.

"Is that in addition to the underwater combat modifications listed in the rules?"

I chuckled. "I don't remember what the 4e rules for underwater combat are, and I don't care. You are at a negative 2. Go."

He looked like I was speaking Martian to him, but he continued. Later he joined my Labyrinth Lord game as well, so evidently the way I was running things wasn't too repulsive to him.

3. Leave the damn dice alone.

If you roll the dice, accept the result. You asked the universe a question. The universe gave you an answer. Deal or don't roll the dice in the first place. The universe typically makes better decisions that you anyway, since, you know, it can't be WRONG, so you might as well go with it. And it works because I never feel guilty about cheating or short-changing the players from the full 'gaming experience.' :)

So, there you have it, ckutalik, my recipe for LEET G4MERZ SKILLZ You are now 'it.'

:)

- Ark