First off, I'd like to apologize. I am deeply sorry for getting a Carly Simon song stuck in everybody's head. I'd like to rectify the situation by installing some Janice into your ear. Go on. Take a listen. I'll be here when you get back.
Don't you feel better now? Good.
Now I'd like to welcome The Boy, my son, to the world of Blogging. He has crafted a blog entitled Most Impressive and it is impressive . . . most impressive. He even mentioned D&D so he's pretty much an OSR Blogger now. So go on over and say "Hi" if you so desire. He is currently doing the 'happy dance' upon learning that school will be closed again tomorrow. The fourth day in a row. Somebody please save me.
And the picture? That's an actual photo of him. Okay, not really. I drew an avatar for him when Fairly Odd Parents was all the rage. Looks just like him though. Still.
Oh, and I am so pumped about this Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Episode of Community coming up tonight (whatever the heck Community is.) Yeah! Chevy Chase! And a drow! Less yeah!
- Ark
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I Bet You Think This Song Is About You
Vanity publishing! Yes, I have just done it! I've been slinging around a pile of short stories at poor, unsuspecting publishers for years. Regretfully, they were on to me and I've never had anything published. Well, not anymore!I stitched together the best ones (and a couple of odd poems) and come up with 90 whole pages of content. If you act now, you can get all of this in a pdf for free. Okay, if you act in a hundred years, you still can get it all for free in a pdf. This is really just an excuse to bundle up all my old work so I can start fresh in this new decade. I really enjoy them, but it's time to go send them to human lands where they can meet a wife and have children.
The cover has absolutely nothing to do with the stories. You may recognize the little red dude. Yeah. He's up there growling too. Hey - I bought the picture - I'm going to use the picture.
I also made a hard copy version available. That's really just so I can print out some copies for the family. If you really want to buy it - go ahead - but I warn you - I haven't even seen a copy and have no idea if it looks horrific or not. I did edit and proof the actual contents over the last few years - so that should be halfway decent. But how the printed bit looks - no idea.
What you get inside:
Table of Contents
The Value of a Second - (sci fi vignette)
Where to Play - (post apocalyptic Beatles story)
Dawn at Olympus - (the gods must be drunk)
Tech Support Mantra - (outsourcing poem)
Don't Cleanse Your Scent Glands for Me - (smelly sci-fi)
Robert E. Howard’s Last Manuscript - (what evil lurks in Cross Plains?)
Drops of Jupiter - (mopey sci-fi)
Bacon Ranch Salad y Happy Meal - (um, not really sci-fi, more geek)
Reflections - (hard sci fi)
Customer Service - (throbbing sci-fi)
The Squirrels - (RUN!)
Beacons of Light - (power suits galore)
Lyman Alpha Blobs - (astrophysics poem)
Sidebar - (what hath man wrought?)
The Transformation of Harvey in the Valley of the Butterfly Spores - (thump thump)
Ode to a Tachikoma - (Ghost in the Shell poetry)
Here is the Link - > The Value of a Second and Other Flights of Fancy
Enjoy! Or, well, don't enjoy. Your choice. :)
- Ark
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Fish in the Sea
Today my son asked me when I was going to sign us up for the Living Forgotten Realms games happening this weekend. I came clean with him. I told him that with the RPGAs inclusion of Fortune Cards in the LFR campaign, we would no longer be playing. I could no longer support an organization that ran a role playing game where you could get additional character benefits the more cash you shelled out.
He went to his room and cried.
I hate Hasbro and WotC and the RPGA for forcing that decision on me. But it is my decision, and I stand by it.
My son eventually calmed down and we had a deeper discussion about rightness and wrongness and fairness and treating people with respect. There are many more gamers outside the RPGA than inside. We will find more people to play with. And there is a nearly endless variety of games to play.
I do realize game designers' families gotta eat. I do not think this is the right way to go about it. But it's not my company - and I can walk away.
We are now deciding what do on the weekend. The Superbowl is here, so there is no point in even trying to drive on that roads Saturday or Sunday, so it's a good time to stay in. He's thinking about it and will get back with me later. :)
Stay warm.
- Ark
He went to his room and cried.
I hate Hasbro and WotC and the RPGA for forcing that decision on me. But it is my decision, and I stand by it.
My son eventually calmed down and we had a deeper discussion about rightness and wrongness and fairness and treating people with respect. There are many more gamers outside the RPGA than inside. We will find more people to play with. And there is a nearly endless variety of games to play.
I do realize game designers' families gotta eat. I do not think this is the right way to go about it. But it's not my company - and I can walk away.
We are now deciding what do on the weekend. The Superbowl is here, so there is no point in even trying to drive on that roads Saturday or Sunday, so it's a good time to stay in. He's thinking about it and will get back with me later. :)
Stay warm.
- Ark
Monday, January 31, 2011
Moses in the Rushes
So my son and I were clearing off the kitchen table,
getting ready to play our first official Labyrinth Lord game. Denis the Fighter's character sheet was laden
with scattered dice.
I love back story, so I ask my son, "So where does
Denis come from? A big city, a medium
town, or a small village?"
"A great big city," he hopped up to my desk and
pointed the rough draft of the Gulf of Labrys basin. "He was born there, in Norlun."
Hmm, I had intended to start off in Oshtan, which was
more to the south west. Oh well, I could
deal with that.
"Okay, so . . ."
My son wasn't finished.
"And his parents were killed when he was two and he was adopted by
dwarves."
I blinked a couple of times. That completely messed up my whole non-racial
fraternization concept for the world. I
began to imagine baby Denis in a basket made of reeds floating down the
Nile. Oh well, I could deal with that.
I scanned the map.
"There are some nice mountains near Norlun right here. I suppose there could be some dwarves living
here." I nervously looked at the
big word DUERGAR in the mountains. Oh
well, I could deal with that.
"No," he shook his head, pointing to the mountains
with DWARVEN STRONGHOLDS written on them.
"That is where his parents live."
I began scratching my beard. That was over 1,200 miles away from his
home. How in the hell did the two year
old Denis get all the way over there.
The dwarves, in my mind, certainly were not much for travel. They only hit the road if the needed a
Burglar to sneak into lonely mountains.
My mind raced.
"That's a long way away. Why would Denis' parents be anywhere near the
dwarven mountains?"
Of course, the Peanut Gallery had no answer.
"They must have been merchants," I muttered. “
Desperate merchants looking to strike a deal with the dwarves. They would have had to have gone through
here, the NEUTRAL ZONE, which is full of thieves and outcasts of society. They they'd have to brave the Lands of the Goblinkind
to get to the Dwarven Strongholds."
My son nodded.
"The Goblins killed his parents."
"Aha," I nodded back. "It all makes sense now. The dwarves rushed to help the humans, but it
was too late, and all they could save was baby Denis."
"The dwarves taught him to fight and vanquish
anything in his path."
"Vanquish?"
"Yes, it means . . ."
I chuckled, "I know what it means." We sat down and I began to flip to the back
of the Labyrinth Lord book.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Oh, it's a little adventure in the back of the book
I'm going to take Denis through."
"I don't want to do someone else’s adventure. I want to do one of your adventures. Your adventures are much better."
I watched the entirety of my plans go up in smoke. I took a deep breath. I could deal with that.
"Okay . . . so Denis is . . . at his home, in
Jarlsberg . . ."
The boy shook his head.
"It should be a cool name.
Like . . . like . . . Thornhold."
I smiled.
"Okay, So Denis is with his mother and father, Helga and Jarn . . .
Bronzebottom . . ."
"Just Bronze." he said.
"Okay, Denis is deep in the bowels of the Dwarven
Fortress of Thornhold, a hollowed out shell of a mountain. It's normally dark, since the dwarves can see
heat,"
"Like a snake?"
"Like a snake.
But Denis' parents have always carefully lit their home so that Denis
could see well and not stub his toes. So
Helga and Jarn dressed Denis up in the family armor and gave him a sturdy
shield and mighty sword. Then his mother
says 'We've taken care of you all these years, my son, and loved every minute of
it. We've taught you all we can teach
you. It's time you made your way to the
human lands. You need to learn about
being a human. You'll make human friends
and find a human woman to love and have a family with. You can't do that here - only with other
humans.’"
I watched as my son's face began to drop and it almost
looked like he had a tear in his eye.
"It's okay," I said softly. "It's time for Denis to go have adventures now."
"I know Dad," he looked at me, "But Denis
is really sad. He wants to go on
adventures, but Denis loves his mom and dad a lot and will miss them a
bunch."
I nodded and gave him a minute.
"Ready?"
He nodded yes.
"Okay then, Denis' mom and dad hug him and warn him
about the goblins and send him on his way."
He smiled great big.
"Okay, I leave home and go off into the wilderness. Do I see any goblins?"
"As a matter of fact . . . you do."
Okay, now that is why I play.
- Ark
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Riddle Me This - Hit Points
So today I'm playing a little D&D with my son. I just got in the Advanced Edition Companion so I'm feeling all retro - and his fighter Dennis gets knocked down to negative one for hit points. It's been 20 odd years since I've read the dying rules, so I start digging through the AEC for the rules about bleeding from 0 HPs and they dying at -10 - but nothing. Nowhere. Hmm.
What the hell? An AD&D emulator with no 'dying' emulation? Was that not thought neccisary? Just the old 0 HP and you are dead?
So my quesiton is - how do you handle hit points and dying? Zero is death? Negative ten? Something else? And why?
- Ark
What the hell? An AD&D emulator with no 'dying' emulation? Was that not thought neccisary? Just the old 0 HP and you are dead?
So my quesiton is - how do you handle hit points and dying? Zero is death? Negative ten? Something else? And why?
- Ark
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Moving Right Along
As a student of Zen, I should really know when the universe is kicking me in the ass to do something. Okay Universe - I get it. Type IV is dead - long live Labyrinth Lord. Sheesh. Shut up already.
Sigh.
So, moving right along, I'm working on a world that supports the classic D&D feel. I'm having to scrape 4e thoughts out of my mind. Little things like elves being short little dudes that live over 1,000 years, instead of being human sized with 300 years lifespans - these differences really matter. The continuity of elven culture would be much more pronounced. If you can go ask great great uncle Ed what life was like 1700 years ago, well, chances are that kind of society would change very slowly.
Fourth Edition also harps on the fact that the different races are all mixed up all over the place - so while there might be more humans in general, every little village will have some dwarves making swords, halflings hanging out around the tavern, and the ubiquitous half-orc down the road selling doorknobs, or some other stupid things. Blech.
I've made a rough draft of a map for my new campaign. I've marked areas where different races hang out and there is little fraternization. Most races are more likely to kill each other than sell each other door knobs. To me, that feels more like old D&D, but perhaps that was just my pre-teen take on how such a world would be. You know, dwarf-lords in their halls of stone - and all that jazz. You can click on the map down there and it should pop up a bigger one with my nasty chicken-scrawlings more visible.
The idea behind this campaign is that in the past, there was a devastating war lasting thousands of years between the forces of Law and Chaos on the continent. Some humans escaped it by sailing to distant islands and hiding. Chaos won, but Chaos doesn't tend to maintain roads or stabilize local governments or anything useful like that, so everything fell apart.
A thousand years later, these islander humans - all pumped up on the religion of Law - come back to the continent to rehabilitate it. Five hundreds years after the first colony was built, the humans are still having a hell of a time keeping order. Boat crushing sea mosnters, hordes of goblins and orcs, pissed off elves, grumpy dwarves, rabble-rousing halfings, blight-ridden lands, evil high priests, cannibalistic necromancers, and mysterious slavers from the west tend to get in the get in the way of organization.
Who you gonna call?
Enjoy the rough, raggedy map. I'll be focusing in on the central area and developing a hopefully worthy campaign soon.
- Ark
Sigh.
So, moving right along, I'm working on a world that supports the classic D&D feel. I'm having to scrape 4e thoughts out of my mind. Little things like elves being short little dudes that live over 1,000 years, instead of being human sized with 300 years lifespans - these differences really matter. The continuity of elven culture would be much more pronounced. If you can go ask great great uncle Ed what life was like 1700 years ago, well, chances are that kind of society would change very slowly.
Fourth Edition also harps on the fact that the different races are all mixed up all over the place - so while there might be more humans in general, every little village will have some dwarves making swords, halflings hanging out around the tavern, and the ubiquitous half-orc down the road selling doorknobs, or some other stupid things. Blech.
I've made a rough draft of a map for my new campaign. I've marked areas where different races hang out and there is little fraternization. Most races are more likely to kill each other than sell each other door knobs. To me, that feels more like old D&D, but perhaps that was just my pre-teen take on how such a world would be. You know, dwarf-lords in their halls of stone - and all that jazz. You can click on the map down there and it should pop up a bigger one with my nasty chicken-scrawlings more visible.
The idea behind this campaign is that in the past, there was a devastating war lasting thousands of years between the forces of Law and Chaos on the continent. Some humans escaped it by sailing to distant islands and hiding. Chaos won, but Chaos doesn't tend to maintain roads or stabilize local governments or anything useful like that, so everything fell apart.
A thousand years later, these islander humans - all pumped up on the religion of Law - come back to the continent to rehabilitate it. Five hundreds years after the first colony was built, the humans are still having a hell of a time keeping order. Boat crushing sea mosnters, hordes of goblins and orcs, pissed off elves, grumpy dwarves, rabble-rousing halfings, blight-ridden lands, evil high priests, cannibalistic necromancers, and mysterious slavers from the west tend to get in the get in the way of organization.
Who you gonna call?
Enjoy the rough, raggedy map. I'll be focusing in on the central area and developing a hopefully worthy campaign soon.
- Ark
Friday, January 28, 2011
Card Pimps
I shouldn't be surprised, but I seeing it here in print is like a smack in the face. The LIVING FORGOTTEN REALMS® CAMPAIGN GUIDE Version 2.0 includes the optional use of Fortune Cards. This is not the option of the DM - no - it is the option of the players. You build your 'deck' almost like a Magic the Gathering deck. Surprise surprise. "You may have no more than one copy of any individual card (by name) per 10 cards in your deck." Per 10 cards. Multiples of ten. They come it packs of 8. So they are like hot dogs and hot dog buns - they don't match up in count. Great.
"You must have a minimum of 3 cards of each type (Attack, Defense, Tactics) per 10 cards in your deck." Oh just peachy. If the booster set you buy doesn't have the right mis of types, you must buy more. AT 50 cents a card.
THERE IS NO LIMIT ON YOUR STACK. You could have 180 cards piled up on your character sheet.
I could go on quoting the new rules, but I would vomit all over my keyboard. It would be bad enough as a DM running a home game to suffer though the whines of the players begging to use the cards. But in RPGA play - everyone can use them - which means that everyone will. Except the poor shmuck in the corner without enough cash. That little bastard has the fact that he can't afford it ground into his face.
I should stop before I start cursing.
Damn I'm pissed. I'm going to go chew my leg off to calm down.
- Ark
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