I mentioned the Robot Holocaust in an earlier post, so I suppose I should introduce them. Robot Holocaust - readers, readers - Robot Holocaust.
My son bought a bunch of little animal shaped erasers in those toy machines you find at the front of grocery stores. I was more interested in the little clear bubbles that held the erasers, than the erasers themselves. Coming in at an inch wide, they were perfect for my nefarious plan. A touch of paint later - and I had a myself an army bent on taking over the world.
Regretfully, the campaign that I had intended to use them in fell through and they never got used. But they are lurking on my craft table - waiting for their chance.
In other news, I picked up the HackMaster GameMaster's Guide at Halfprice Books yesterday. Why was I not informed of this product? If D&D is rock and roll, HackMaster is HEAVY METAL. I did not realize that Gygax's lily could be gilded, but indeed it has. Quite awesome!
But why, on every page that I turn, and I reminded of Zak of Playing D&D with Porn Stars? Must be Vornheim or something.
- Ark
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
DMs Say the Darndest Things
"Sit down here." I patted the chair across from mine, a clipboard and pencil in my lap.
My son eyed me suspiciously and sat down. I began writing on the clipboard with it tilted away from him. I had come up with some awesome Middle English based names for my Labyrinth Lord campaign. I just wanted to run them by my son to make sure they sounded okay.
"Why are you hiding that piece of paper?"
The boy is always to the point. "I want to see what you think of a some words. They are names for places that I've made up, and I want to see what you think. I'll read them out loud."
"Oh. Okay."
"Great. The first one is Aloftgres."
He tilted his head and made a 'thinking' face. "Interesting," he said as he taped his lip.
Great. He's posing and I don't even have a camera out.
"The second one is Duskenfaunt."
"Sound like something you do while on the toilet."
That one took me aback. Duskenfaunt was a fine name. A really good name. What did that even mean - something you do on the toilet? How dare he insult my word.
"What are you writing on the paper?" he asked.
"I'm writing what you said."
"Why?"
"Because I care what you think," chuckling at myself and my word vanity.
"Oh," he smiled.
"Dweryen Doun."
He thought for a moment. "Cool."
"Ernslak,"
"Sounds like an insult for lazy people."
I'm not sure how long I kept my mouth open. "Um, okay. Yeah, I guess so. Interesting. The next is Nyrvylrem"
He laughed. "Nervilrim . . . it's funny."
"Hethwalle."
"Cool."
"Senginbergh"
"That's weird"
"Senginerd"
"Next"
I raised an eyebrow, just like Spock. Well, just like Spock in my mind. My eyebrows don't do that willingly. He wasn't smiling. It was a complete and utter diss of the word. Wow.
"Vathloof"
"Bless you,"
Okay, so he's a smart-ass, just like me.
"Lefdikuss." The minute the word left my mouth, I realized I had made a horrible, horrible mistake.
"Are there two? Is there a right one? Left? Dick? Left? Dick? Huh? Huh?" he guffawed.
Oh dear god. I can't believe it. I even put this up on the blog. I blame you people. I had no idea. You should have warned me. You saw it. You knew. You set me up. On purpose!
I suddenly realized I was in a Monty Python skit. After he calmed down, we moved on.
"Fultum."
"Cool."
"Rotenslade."
He chuckled. "That's funny. Rotten."
"Failham"
"Sounds like an epically failing ham."
"Flumrys Brig."
He smiled, "Sounds like the name of a ship."
"Gobelyntur."
"Sounds like a goblin giving a tour. Or! Or a tour inside of a filthy goblin!"
I tried to wipe the image of goblin intestines from my mind. "Kyndrecchen"
"Interesting," he nodded.
There was one last name. All I can say is, never say this word in front of my son. Ever.
"Pricketholt."
I mean it. I have witnesses who will concur.
You have been warned.
- Ark
My son eyed me suspiciously and sat down. I began writing on the clipboard with it tilted away from him. I had come up with some awesome Middle English based names for my Labyrinth Lord campaign. I just wanted to run them by my son to make sure they sounded okay.
"Why are you hiding that piece of paper?"
The boy is always to the point. "I want to see what you think of a some words. They are names for places that I've made up, and I want to see what you think. I'll read them out loud."
"Oh. Okay."
"Great. The first one is Aloftgres."
He tilted his head and made a 'thinking' face. "Interesting," he said as he taped his lip.
Great. He's posing and I don't even have a camera out.
"The second one is Duskenfaunt."
"Sound like something you do while on the toilet."
That one took me aback. Duskenfaunt was a fine name. A really good name. What did that even mean - something you do on the toilet? How dare he insult my word.
"What are you writing on the paper?" he asked.
"I'm writing what you said."
"Why?"
"Because I care what you think," chuckling at myself and my word vanity.
"Oh," he smiled.
"Dweryen Doun."
He thought for a moment. "Cool."
"Ernslak,"
"Sounds like an insult for lazy people."
I'm not sure how long I kept my mouth open. "Um, okay. Yeah, I guess so. Interesting. The next is Nyrvylrem"
He laughed. "Nervilrim . . . it's funny."
"Hethwalle."
"Cool."
"Senginbergh"
"That's weird"
"Senginerd"
"Next"
I raised an eyebrow, just like Spock. Well, just like Spock in my mind. My eyebrows don't do that willingly. He wasn't smiling. It was a complete and utter diss of the word. Wow.
"Vathloof"
"Bless you,"
Okay, so he's a smart-ass, just like me.
"Lefdikuss." The minute the word left my mouth, I realized I had made a horrible, horrible mistake.
"Are there two? Is there a right one? Left? Dick? Left? Dick? Huh? Huh?" he guffawed.
Oh dear god. I can't believe it. I even put this up on the blog. I blame you people. I had no idea. You should have warned me. You saw it. You knew. You set me up. On purpose!
I suddenly realized I was in a Monty Python skit. After he calmed down, we moved on.
"Fultum."
"Cool."
"Rotenslade."
He chuckled. "That's funny. Rotten."
"Failham"
"Sounds like an epically failing ham."
"Flumrys Brig."
He smiled, "Sounds like the name of a ship."
"Gobelyntur."
"Sounds like a goblin giving a tour. Or! Or a tour inside of a filthy goblin!"
I tried to wipe the image of goblin intestines from my mind. "Kyndrecchen"
"Interesting," he nodded.
There was one last name. All I can say is, never say this word in front of my son. Ever.
"Pricketholt."
I mean it. I have witnesses who will concur.
You have been warned.
- Ark
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I'm Literate!
After years and years of trying, I'm finally published. I had to publish it myself, but dang it, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Now there is at least one hard-copy of my stories in existence that I can leave to posterity. I should go bury it in the backyard in a Ziploc bag for when the Robot Holocaust comes rolling into town.
I'd like to thank my family, the academy, Lulu, and the hundreds of editors who have xeroxed millions of rejection letters just for me. You can get a free copy here.
- Ark
Now there is at least one hard-copy of my stories in existence that I can leave to posterity. I should go bury it in the backyard in a Ziploc bag for when the Robot Holocaust comes rolling into town.
I'd like to thank my family, the academy, Lulu, and the hundreds of editors who have xeroxed millions of rejection letters just for me. You can get a free copy here.
- Ark
Monday, February 21, 2011
More Wishes!
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Wizards are in a nuclear arms race to attain the wish spell - plain and simple. Upon reaching 17th level, the only sane thing is to pour all of one's time and money into creating a wish spell. The next step is to use your new power to hunt down and destroy all other existing copies if the spell - and kill or incapacitate the creators of those spells.
Of course, containment of the wish spell would be impossible. Eventually, someone else would figure it out, or some extra-planar being will drop by with the power. Magicians would have to form alliances to protect themselves, and as the power of opposed alliances grew, a stalemate like the Cold War would occur. A wizard couldn't remain neutral in this conflict for long. They'd be forced to choose sides.
If the stalemate faltered, however, opposing sides would wish each other out of existence in a flash. Wishes could even be delayed with dead-man switch type technology to obliterate the other side even if the original wisher was wishified. (Which is kind of wishy-washy.)
So, assuming that the magic-users didn't devastate the planet and themselves, they would operate in Magic Unions formed around an agenda - usually the survival and increased power of the Union and its near immortal founder - the "Wish Master" (ick, probably need a better name for that.) Operating out in the open would be the last thing they would do as they would want to be seen and detected by rival Unions as little as possible. They would operate much like a cabal.
I can't see that running countries would be in their interest. At least, not out in the open. It would be much safer to pull stings from the dark. Participating openly in military campaigns would even be iffy. High powered magicians would spend much of their time in study and research. I kind of see them as above (or below, if you will,) affairs of state. They'd also want to have a way to get things done in a non-magical way - thus they would be assassins or ninja or some other stealthy, elite force that does not rely, or emit, magic.
So, it's magical cabals fighting each other in the dark over powers that can rip holes in reality, all the while, pulling secret strings in the mundane governments to futher their knowledge and survival. Well, at least that is the way I see it. Of course, it depends on how the rules are tuned.
What do you see?
- Ark
Sunday, February 20, 2011
His Name is a Killing Word
As I zoom down in drawing the map for my (as of yet) unnamed world, I begin to feel the urge to name things so that I start getting a frame of reference. Naming things is fantasy worlds is one of the more fun things in world building, and also one of the most nerve wracking. I want cool names.
I mean, the last thing I want to do is call a city Confluzel and have the players, for the rest of the campaign, call it "Floozy City."
It's really easy to slap two English words together. WotC seems to have made an art of it. Wintermist, Stonemarch, Gardbury, Dawnforge, Witchlight, and Ogrefist sit within the the Nentir Vale. So it's all pretty understandable and pronounceable to your average English speaking person. However, it lacks some of the foreignness I like in a fantasy world.
A while back, I thought it would be fun to make a world where Common was actually English, and that the culture had been around long enough that many of the place names were a lot older - Middle English, in fact. That would give the common sounds that would make the words easier to pronounce. It would also, in theory, pluck at the ancient etymological strings inside the players brains. WotC like to use this with the word "fell" and "dire" I think - fell-this, dire-that, fell-tonsils and dire-cabbages.
Making English the Common tongue also explains why any notes I give the PCs would be in English, and why you might have a character named Roger. I mean, if you look closely at the Middle Earth stuff, Tolkien did the same thing. Hobbit-speak evolves into English, and is basically a tweak on old or middle English. Good Old JRR probably explains it all somewhere, I'm sure.
So I've been working on names for some of the older towns and regions is the campaign staring region. I started with an English name and/or concept, and attempted to translate it (horribly, I'm sure) into Middle English. Here is a list:
Aloftgres (ME Alofte - on high + Gres - grass) a town on a elevated plain.
Duskenfaunt (ME Dusken - dark + faunt - infant) town of the dark child.
Dwergyen Doun (ME Dwergh - dwarf + Yen - eyes + Doun - hill) a town near the hill of the dwarf eyes.
Ernslak (ME Ern - eagle + slak - gap between two hills) the town at eagle pass.
Failham (ME Fail - dirt clod + ham - home) a town of sod houses.
Flumrys Brig (ME Flum - river + Rys - branch + Brig - bridge) a town near a river bridge.
Fultum (ME Fultum - help) a town built around a religious sanctuary.
Gobelyntur (ME Gobelyn + Tur - tower) Fortress built to hold back the goblins.
Hethwalle (ME heth - health + Walle - well) a town near a well with curative properties.
Kyndrecchen (ME Kyn - cows + Drecchen - torment) Where the cows were killed.
Lefdikuss (ME Lefdi - lady + Kuss - kiss) The town of the lady's kiss.
Nyrvylrem (ME Nyrvyl - little man + Rem - kinddom) land of the halflings
Pricketholt (Pricket - buck + Holt - wooded hill) a town built on a forest hill known for a male deer.
Rotenslade (ME Roten - Rotten + Slade - valley) the rotten valley.
Senginbergh (ME Sengin - singe + Bergh - hill) a town on a hill known for burning.
Senginerd (ME Sengin - singe + Erd - land) the burning lands (the elven Razing Zone.)
Vathloof (ME Vath - danger + Loof - rudder) The place of smashed rudders.
Now the next step is to say these names out loud in front of my son. If he busts out laughing, I know that it's probably not a great name. Hmm. Maybe that means it is a GREAT name. I need to think about this.
So how do you name things?
- Ark
I mean, the last thing I want to do is call a city Confluzel and have the players, for the rest of the campaign, call it "Floozy City."
It's really easy to slap two English words together. WotC seems to have made an art of it. Wintermist, Stonemarch, Gardbury, Dawnforge, Witchlight, and Ogrefist sit within the the Nentir Vale. So it's all pretty understandable and pronounceable to your average English speaking person. However, it lacks some of the foreignness I like in a fantasy world.
A while back, I thought it would be fun to make a world where Common was actually English, and that the culture had been around long enough that many of the place names were a lot older - Middle English, in fact. That would give the common sounds that would make the words easier to pronounce. It would also, in theory, pluck at the ancient etymological strings inside the players brains. WotC like to use this with the word "fell" and "dire" I think - fell-this, dire-that, fell-tonsils and dire-cabbages.
Making English the Common tongue also explains why any notes I give the PCs would be in English, and why you might have a character named Roger. I mean, if you look closely at the Middle Earth stuff, Tolkien did the same thing. Hobbit-speak evolves into English, and is basically a tweak on old or middle English. Good Old JRR probably explains it all somewhere, I'm sure.
So I've been working on names for some of the older towns and regions is the campaign staring region. I started with an English name and/or concept, and attempted to translate it (horribly, I'm sure) into Middle English. Here is a list:
Aloftgres (ME Alofte - on high + Gres - grass) a town on a elevated plain.
Duskenfaunt (ME Dusken - dark + faunt - infant) town of the dark child.
Dwergyen Doun (ME Dwergh - dwarf + Yen - eyes + Doun - hill) a town near the hill of the dwarf eyes.
Ernslak (ME Ern - eagle + slak - gap between two hills) the town at eagle pass.
Failham (ME Fail - dirt clod + ham - home) a town of sod houses.
Flumrys Brig (ME Flum - river + Rys - branch + Brig - bridge) a town near a river bridge.
Fultum (ME Fultum - help) a town built around a religious sanctuary.
Gobelyntur (ME Gobelyn + Tur - tower) Fortress built to hold back the goblins.
Hethwalle (ME heth - health + Walle - well) a town near a well with curative properties.
Kyndrecchen (ME Kyn - cows + Drecchen - torment) Where the cows were killed.
Lefdikuss (ME Lefdi - lady + Kuss - kiss) The town of the lady's kiss.
Nyrvylrem (ME Nyrvyl - little man + Rem - kinddom) land of the halflings
Pricketholt (Pricket - buck + Holt - wooded hill) a town built on a forest hill known for a male deer.
Rotenslade (ME Roten - Rotten + Slade - valley) the rotten valley.
Senginbergh (ME Sengin - singe + Bergh - hill) a town on a hill known for burning.
Senginerd (ME Sengin - singe + Erd - land) the burning lands (the elven Razing Zone.)
Vathloof (ME Vath - danger + Loof - rudder) The place of smashed rudders.
Now the next step is to say these names out loud in front of my son. If he busts out laughing, I know that it's probably not a great name. Hmm. Maybe that means it is a GREAT name. I need to think about this.
So how do you name things?
- Ark
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tim Shorts Did Not Rip Me Off
Over the years, I've been leery of PDFs for cash. Rarely do I feel what I received was worth the money. Most of the time, I just feel like someone took advantage of me and I need a hot shower and a good scrub down with a thick bristle brush.
Knowledge Illuminates, by Tim Shorts, has broken that mold. It's a fifteen page, low level adventure culminating in a dungeon crawl. I'm sure you had that figured out already. What's nice about it is that it actually makes sense. All the bits and pieces build into a cool story for the players, and it was an enjoyable read.
There is also a rather heavy, potentially campaign changing idea in here. I'm talking about the Viz. No, not the anime distribution company. It's a . . . thing . . . which does a . . . thing. Let's just say it has to do with magic. I quite like it. But it has the potential of completely taking a standard D&D type universe and giving one heck of a tweak to the magically inclined. I don't' know how that would play out in a campaign.
However, the inclusion of one of Dr. Seuss' most lovable characters as the main villain is very confusing. Hmm. Oh. Not Lorax. Lorox. Oooooh. Um, never mind. Forget that. My bad. :) The big baddy is particularly cool and creepy and - well - just imagining him - the way he is described - might give me nightmares tonight.
The adventure sprinkles all sorts of hooks throughout, and by the time the players are done with the adventure itself, they will not be lacking for things to do. A lot of things. A lot of scary things.
This is definitely one I can recommend.
- Ark
Knowledge Illuminates, by Tim Shorts, has broken that mold. It's a fifteen page, low level adventure culminating in a dungeon crawl. I'm sure you had that figured out already. What's nice about it is that it actually makes sense. All the bits and pieces build into a cool story for the players, and it was an enjoyable read.
There is also a rather heavy, potentially campaign changing idea in here. I'm talking about the Viz. No, not the anime distribution company. It's a . . . thing . . . which does a . . . thing. Let's just say it has to do with magic. I quite like it. But it has the potential of completely taking a standard D&D type universe and giving one heck of a tweak to the magically inclined. I don't' know how that would play out in a campaign.
However, the inclusion of one of Dr. Seuss' most lovable characters as the main villain is very confusing. Hmm. Oh. Not Lorax. Lorox. Oooooh. Um, never mind. Forget that. My bad. :) The big baddy is particularly cool and creepy and - well - just imagining him - the way he is described - might give me nightmares tonight.
The adventure sprinkles all sorts of hooks throughout, and by the time the players are done with the adventure itself, they will not be lacking for things to do. A lot of things. A lot of scary things.
This is definitely one I can recommend.
- Ark
Friday, February 18, 2011
And They Say 'Geek'
I was driving my son to school, and suddenly remembered something important from the night before.
"Do you remember Beedo? He had talked about starting up a blog for his boy when you set yours up?"
"Uh-huh," he nodded, confused that I had switched from the lecture on cleaning the bathroom to blogging all of a sudden.
"Well, his son is posting on his very own blog now. I emailed you the link last night."
"Oh cool," he smiled.
"They have a game where there are a bunch of kids and a bunch of dads play D&D."
His looked at me, "Can we play with them?"
I took a deep breath, "They are not around here. They are in Canada or Mongolia or someplace. I'm not sure where, but not close."
"Oh," he looked down at the floorboard in the car.
"But we could set something up like that. Are any of the kids in your school interested in fantasy stuff?"
"No, he said, looking out the window, "I say 'Dungeons and Dragons' and they say 'Geek.'
"Is there something wrong with being called a geek?"
"Yeah."
I sighed. "You know, people who use words that they think are an insult to you were not your friends to begin with."
"It's not people that I know really well that say it," he shrugs.
We do the school drop off thing and on my way home, I begin to think about the day before. My boss was in town with a bunch of other manager and executive types. A group of us go to lunch and for some reason the topic moves to Star Wars and I express that my favorite Star Wars movie is The Empire Strikes Back.
My boss pops up that he preferred the stories when Han and Leia had kids.
Thinking for a second, I cock my head and reply, "You mean the ones with Admiral Thrawn?"
He points at me with a smile and says, "Yeah!" Then he immediately looks embarrassed and covered his mouth. "I shouldn't talk about things like that. People will think I am a geek."
Too late, dude, too late.
I sighed.
- Ark
"Do you remember Beedo? He had talked about starting up a blog for his boy when you set yours up?"
"Uh-huh," he nodded, confused that I had switched from the lecture on cleaning the bathroom to blogging all of a sudden.
"Well, his son is posting on his very own blog now. I emailed you the link last night."
"Oh cool," he smiled.
"They have a game where there are a bunch of kids and a bunch of dads play D&D."
His looked at me, "Can we play with them?"
I took a deep breath, "They are not around here. They are in Canada or Mongolia or someplace. I'm not sure where, but not close."
"Oh," he looked down at the floorboard in the car.
"But we could set something up like that. Are any of the kids in your school interested in fantasy stuff?"
"No, he said, looking out the window, "I say 'Dungeons and Dragons' and they say 'Geek.'
"Is there something wrong with being called a geek?"
"Yeah."
I sighed. "You know, people who use words that they think are an insult to you were not your friends to begin with."
"It's not people that I know really well that say it," he shrugs.
We do the school drop off thing and on my way home, I begin to think about the day before. My boss was in town with a bunch of other manager and executive types. A group of us go to lunch and for some reason the topic moves to Star Wars and I express that my favorite Star Wars movie is The Empire Strikes Back.
My boss pops up that he preferred the stories when Han and Leia had kids.
Thinking for a second, I cock my head and reply, "You mean the ones with Admiral Thrawn?"
He points at me with a smile and says, "Yeah!" Then he immediately looks embarrassed and covered his mouth. "I shouldn't talk about things like that. People will think I am a geek."
Too late, dude, too late.
I sighed.
- Ark
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