Thursday, March 10, 2011

Hot Elf Chicks

Hmm, on second thought, I think I might be doing this wrong.

- Ark

PS - Oh yeah - SPOON!

PS - Oh, no, I meant - OSR!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Giant Poop Machine

Sometimes I think that Lulu has the slowest shipping in the universe.  The wait for a Lulu book seems excruciating - and that is after I'm done twiddling my thumbs while they print the damn thing.  Where are they mailing this stuff from?  Abu Dhabi?  Not that I'll pay any extra for faster shipping, but you know, it's something to bitch about on a slow day.

So I finally got my copy of The Dungeon Alphabet.  I actually got two copies.  This was by accident.  God help me if I ever order a car on line.  I'll end up with 7.5 metallic puce Honda Accords.

I really had no idea what to expect from Michael Curtis' book.  Plenty of people raved about it, but I didn't see really any good explanations about what the hell it was.  I really figured it was like a kindergarten alphabet book, with D&D monsters in the shape of letters.  Actually, that picture in my head was enough for me to plunk down the cash.

So, it turns out not to be Sesame Street meets Gary Gygax.  Oh well. (I would still by a Sesame Street Meets Gary Gygax book, though - hint hint.)  But what it is is actually awesome.  It's basically randomized lists for all sorts of things - perfect for the gaming table or just to read through.  I was having my son pick random numbers and reading off the entries.  He loved it.

And the art - it's great.  Most of it is by the D&D artists of old.  Even Erol Otus' giant poop machine picture is fabulous - once you get over the shock of what you are seeing.  The boy, of course, loved that one too.   The look and the feel of the book is just - wow.  It's well worth twice the price - which - um - is what I paid for it.  Ooops.  :)

So go get it.

- Ark

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Tales from the Razing Zone - Introduction

The names have been changed to protect to innocent.  Filmed before a live studio audience.

The boy finished his character the day before the game.  I really like to name halflings after vegetables.  Chicory Chives.  Magnolia Honeydew. I don't know why, but it always makes me laugh. The boy, however, had another taxonomy in mind.

"Ferrit," he had decided on.  Not Ferret.  No.  That wold be too pedestrian.  So 'Ferrit' the halfling thief had life blown into him by my son.  He also blew the rest of his cash on a saddle and a white pony named Snowfire.

Ron arrived first on game day.  He had been carefully thinking about his character for a month.  Ron rolled up a no-nonsense dwarven fighter-assassin named Spike - armed with a crossbow.

Tim was late.  He hastily rolled, spitting out two jaw dropping seventeens and a sixteen.  Then he flipped though the Advanced Edition Companion, not really familiar with anything before 2e.  Eventually he put one of the seventeens in Charisma and said, "Elven Fighter."

I scratched my ear.  "Um . . . charisma is kind of a dump stat.  There are not really any . . . skills . . . so to speak, that would use it."

He nodded, a wild glint in his eye.  "But there is some kind of reaction roll, isn't there?"

My palms began to sweat.  Tim can be . . . Tim.  This did not bode well.

"His name shall be 'Imbroglio,'" Tim said with much flourish.

I began to ask him if he knew what that meant.  But, of course, Tim very knew very well what imbroglio meant.  He was Tim, after all.

"Interesting," I nodded. "So it's a party of three demi-humans, starting off in a human controlled area where humans don't take too kindly to non-humans.  Sounds fun," I smiled.

"Imbroglio will have a hat - a black woolen one - like Spock - to hide his ear tips," Tim was still buying his equipment.

I made the requisite mechanical rice-picker joke.  Don't blame me.  It's a part of my DNA.

"Can I get 50 pieces of paper with the same thing printed on them? Tim asked.  I nodded and continued.

"Okay, so the three of you have made it to Audrain Keep, which looks like this," I pointed to the Erol Otus picture on the back cover of B2.  "You know that settlements lock there doors at night and won't let anyone in till morning.  It's evening now, and there is a long merchant caravan awaiting entrance at the gates.  You three are behind the wagons, waiting for your turn.  Since you don't know each other, this is a good time for introductions.  A caravan guard is nearby, keeping an eye on the tail end of the train."

"I look at the others," Ron said.

"I'm on my pony," the boy smiled.

"Oh," said Tim, still writing in his equipment block, "Imbroglio has 50 - or however many he can carry - ten foot poles.  Strapped to his back, maybe."

I thought about that.  I really didn't want to ask why.  "Um . .  okay . . . then you look like that old man on the cover of Zeppelin Four."

Tim's eyes brightened.  "Awesome."

"I am Spike.  I am a huntsman and bounty hunter." Ron had his dwarf introduce himself.

Tim smiled.  "My good friend dwarf, that is great news.  I just happen to be here in the wild to capture some ferocious animals so that I might tame them and use them in my show.  I could greatly use your help."

"Show?"

"Yes!  I run the Amazing Spirit Traveling Extravaganza, where I break these ten foot poles over my head to show the amazing power of my god!"

I hastily tried to explain my religious concept for this world in which there was only one actual lawful god.  Tim waved my explanation off. "It's okay.  Imbroglio hears his god speak to him all the time, but the god doesn't really exits.  Imbroglio is stark raving mad."

"Oh."

"Hi there. I'm a thief!" the boy had Ferrit introduce himself excitedly.

"Hmmm," I smiled, "The caravan guard's ears perk up and he starts walking over."

Tim almost leaped out of his chair "'Fine sir,' I say as I hand him one of the pieces of paper.  'Please accept this pamphlet explaining the wonderful miracles my god has bestowed on this land and . . .'"

"The guard nods, mutters something, and gets away from you as quickly as possible.," I chuckled.

"Young halfling," Ron said to my son in a whisper, "You might not want to announce yourself as a thief so close to armed guards.  They tend to get over-excited.  Maybe 'genetleman adventurer' instead?"

"Okay," my son grinned. "I have a pony and a slingshot."

I saw Tim carefully erase '50 pamplets' on his character sheet and replace it with '49 pamplets.'

This was going to be an interesting session, to say the least.

- Ark

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Back in the Saddle Again

The boy, two friends, and I played the first session of our Labyrinth Lord campaign.  It was quite awesome.  It felt really good to be playing again where I had the freedom to . . . be a frikkin DM again.  Honestly, 4e sucked out my soul without me even noticing.  Okay, 4e is just a different style of playing - okay for those who like it - blah blah blah.  But this is MY GAME.  It's good to be back. 

I'll be posting a session report, but for now, here is a rumor table for the players:

Audrain Keep Rumors Table
d20
Rumor and General Gossip
1
A bandit dressed in red has been robbing landowners nearby.
2
A huge bird has been seen flying over the treetops in the evening.
3
A merchant was kidnapped on the road from Audrain Keep to Barton Hill.
4
A powerful witch has been charming innocent young men and luring them to her lair.
5
A vile one armed man stalks the plains to the east, back stabbing the unaware.
6
All merchants from Fultum smell like fish.
7
An invisible mountain lays half a day's ride to the northeast.
8
Dangerous monsters roam the countryside to the west.
9
Drinking from the Pool of Death will allow evil spirits to take control of you.
10
Elves have been seen out in the woods practicing strange magical rights.
11
Gobelyntur and the Razing Zone lie several days to the north.
12
Several fortified villages have mysteriously burning down to the north.
13
Some have seen a man with glowing red eyes in the keep at night.
14
Some say an ancient temple lies at the top of a hill to the south.
15
The Castellan of Audrain Keep slew a huge ogre in his youth.
16
The stables of Aloftgres breed the finest horses around.
17
There is a dwarf out there in the wilderness who throws axes at people.
18
There is an ongoing feud between the Castellan of Audrain Keep and his brother.
19
Three parties of adventurers have disappeared in as many months.
20
Women have been disappearing from the village of Dwergen Doun.

- Ark

Friday, March 4, 2011

Leading the Faithful Into Battle

You-sa Clicken To-sa Embiggen, Okie-Day?
This image has been years in the making.  Procrastination, really, but it sounds awesome, doesn't it?  We've got some Reaper Pirates and some Flintloque Ferach Elf Line Infantry & Irregulars going at it.  All of the background stuff, except the ship, is handcrafted by me.  Yes, I actually took sheets of veneer, sliced it into 'planks,' and assembled crates out of it (not that you can tell.)  And my buddy, FSM, was sculpted out of FIMO and painted with some nice acrylics. This is my first staging - but I'd like to get soemthing better done by the time that International Talk Like A Pirate Day rolls around. :)

- Ark

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hex on the Borderlands

Okay, so yeah, this is a crappy scan from a crappy print of a crappy scan.  But that isn't the point.  What is the point that the map is serviceable

If you've ever wanted to dove-tail the Wilderness Map from Dungeon Module B2: The Keep on the Borderlands into your campaign, here is your leg up.  The purple sharpie lines form standard 6 mile hexes.

I'm going to be starting up my Labyrinth Lord campaign this weekend, and I'm using the venerable Keep as the starting place.  I have no idea whether I'll use the caves, though.  Probably not.  I'm all into this randomly generated wilderness encounter thing right now - thus the hexification.

So, the theory is you can start with Gygax's Borderlands map and extend it off into any direction with liberal application of dice and terrain tables.  You just need to transfer the puppy to a hex map.  Hexographer is wonderful for such work.
 
Down here is the Keep on the Borderlands Hexographericated.  Isn't it cute.  Okay, no, not all blown up like this.  Looks much better smaller.  Oh well.

You know, Gary never mentioned the name of that road, that I recall, but I hear the locals call it the Reden Rot Road.  They say that  a couple of hexes to the east lies the Lascon Thickets.  Hmm.  I bet some adventure lurks over there.

I guess I should get some hex paper for the players.  Not that they'll use it - but it's a perfect opportunity to say 'I told you so.'  :)

- Ark

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Cyclopeatron is Doing Math Again!

He's making a list and checking it twice.  You know what list I am talking about.  Congratz to Beedo of Dreams of the Lich House.  Go look at it TODAY.  ACT NOW.  OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY.

- Ark