Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Halfling Battering Ram

When I was 10, I build Grond out of LEGOs.
A lot of things happened in our last Labyrinth Lord session,  but I would be remiss if I neglected to mention this odd little incident.

In the Invisible Mountain dungeon, The Boy found a little bone Cube of Force.  This was completely random.  I read the item description and thought 'Oh crap, I've just ruined the game with stupid randomity.'  The original AD&D Cube of Force had some drawbacks - which the LL Cube nullifies.   It basically creates a movable 10' foot cube of nigh-invulnerability for 60 minutes each day.

I shrugged and let it be.  The Percentile Oracle had spoken.

So, they left the dungeon, conquered a dragon (completely forgetting they had any magic items at all,) and made their way to the town of Barton Hill.  They were hoping that Barton Hill had not pledged allegiance to the growing army of dragons infesting the Wild Lands.

"Halt, in the name of the Great Dragon King Abaraxis.  State your names and your business!" was the guards' answer to their unspoken question as they stood outside the town gate.

"I am Imbroglio, and we have just slain a dragon.  We are your liberators.  Let us in!" the little elf with the high charisma said.  Regretfully, Imbroglio was well known throughout the Wild Lands as being the worshipper of a god that doesn't actually exists, and being one of the most prolific and unabashed liars on the entire continent.

"We have heard of you, Imbroglio.  Archers . . . kill them," the captain said.  Twenty-nine archers appeared on the town wall.

"Dammit!  Run!" yelled Imbroglio.

"Wait!  Get close to me!" said The Boy's halfing thief, Ferrit.  He took out the cube of force and activated it.

Arrows rained down on them, bouncing off the invisible cube of force.  The party cheered.

"We just came out of the woods.  Can we make a battering ram?" Imbroglio player asked.

"Well . . ." I chewed my lip.  "I think that armies make battering rams before they lay siege to a city.  You can start chopping down a tree, I guess."

"Wait," Imbroglio's player said, "I have a better idea.  Let's all go up to the gate.  The force walls center on the cube in Ferrit's hand, right?"

I nodded.

"Okay, so when we get up to the gate, we pick Ferrit up and use him as a battering ram and smash down the door."

"No!" The Boy howled.  "You'll crush my head and kill me!"

I tried not to laugh as I looked at my son.  "Ferrit will be alright.  The cube of force will act like a shield."

"Oh.  I still don't like it," the boy huffed.

So, my friends used my son as a battering ram.

The guards on the wall were having none of this, and began throwing whatever they had down on the party.  Dirt, rocks, and hot tar created a layer of floating asphalt above the PCs heads.  But finally, they smashed the door down.

"What a minute," the cleric said.  "Why are we invading this town?"

This began a heated argument about burning down the town, or just a part of it.  In the end, the party ran the guards off the battlements and set fire to the town hall.  They booked it out of the place just before the charges ran out on the cube.

There was still the asphalt roof to deal with.  The party helped Ferrit chunk the cube, and it's strange roof, as far away as they could.  With a smash, the asphalt collapsed onto the little bone cube.

I picked up a die and rolled a saving throw.

"Oops," I smiled. "The asphalt shatters the cube."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

The dice giveth, and the dice taketh away.

- Ark

Monday, August 15, 2011

Forget the New Conan Movie . . .

There be monsters in need of pummeling!


Knights of Badassdom:  LARPing never was so cool . . . ever.  I mean it.  Really.

- Ark



Pundit Larva

Well, looking at the followers number over there - to the right - down a bit - no - more down - yeah - there - I have achieved OSR Blogger level of Pundit. I do believe that this is not an actual good thing, but an indication that I am a type of demon from Hades that talks too much.

I would write up some stats for the Pundit Larva, but - yeah, I'm lazy.  You know, come to think of it, I've never even paid the Joesky tax.  Not once.  When Joesky finds out, I fear I will be severely brawled.  I am truly, deeply ashamed.

In other news, the artist who did that baby Huey worm dude is quite awesome.  He's TK Miller, and you can check out his stuff over on DeviantArt.  My only issue is that, to my knowledge, he is not making 25mm minis.

Thanks for reading!

- Ark

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Right Tool For the Right Job

I did everything to warn the guys that the Invisible Mountain dungeon was out of their league.  They pressed on, not believing me, so I did my darnest to kill them with strength stat sucking shadows and worse horrors.  After having their asses handed to them over and over again, they finally decided that the '30 seconds of combat, a day of rest, 30 seconds of combat, a day of rest' pattern wasn't working well, so they went off to greener pastures.

Greener pastures are perfect places for random wilderness encounter rolls.

The party was travelling through a meadowed area within a forest when they heard a thump-thump-thump in the sky.  This has happened before.  They knew it was a dragon - most likely a green dragon.  They ran for the bushes.

Well, except for Thrug.  Out of the entire party, the half-orc fighter wasn't fast enough.  He sighed, drew his sword, and faced the green dragon bearing down on him.

"Let's do this!' Mervyn, the player, said.

The green dragon snatched at Thrug as he flew by, an easy snack to bring back to his lair.  I rolled and . . . missed.

"Can I jump on the dragon's leg as he goes by?"

"Um. I guess. Yeah.  You and the dragon jet up 80 yards as it continues its arc." I nodded.

The rest of the party hopped out of the bushes.

"Guys, I got this!" Mervyn said.

We are an Order of the d30 group, meaning that they get to replace one normal dice roll with a d30 each game session.  A barrage of arrows, sling bolts, and magic missles flew upwards. The d30 flew from hand to hand as they ripped the dragon to shreds.

"Guys," Mervyn muttered nervously.

The Boy got the killing blow.  The party watched the slow plummet of several tons of lizard meat as it fell from the sky, crashing to the ground on top of the hapless half-orc.

"Uh . . oops?"

Some time later, the PCs had dug a tunnel beneath the dragon's corpse to reach Thrug's body, which they began looting.

"Okay, so what do you got?" Ron asked Mervyn, pencil in hand.

Marvyn sighed, looking at his character sheet.  "That +1 sword, a shield, a potion of flying, a suit of plate armor . . ."

Mervyn was interrupted by Ron's laughter.

"What?"

I smiled, "Oh, that potion of flying of yours was smashed to bits on impact"

The cog wheels slowly turned in Mervyns head, then it hit him.  "Dammit!  Dammit!  Dammit!  I forgot I had that!"  He facepalmed, then looked at me.  "That was so stupid.  You have to put that in that blog of yours."

I chuckled, "Oh, it'll be there alright - you don't have to ask."

I'm begining to wonder why I bother trying to kill them.  They do so well all by themselves. :)

- Ark

Saturday, August 13, 2011

It's Labyrinth Lord Game Day - Finally!


Old School D&D puts me in a good mood.  
I plan on slaughtering all the PCs ruthlessly. :)

Ark



Friday, August 12, 2011

Quantum Reality Gates


Christian has been waxing poetic about Planescape, and it reminded me of what I did when I saw Sigil's treatment in the 4e DMG2.  I had never heard of Planescape (yeah, I was asleep through 2e,) but thought the idea was cool.  But my head immediately thought - Quantum Reality Gates.

So when my players hit 10th level, I dragged out my version of Sigil.  I adjusted the City of Doors to have, not only doors to other planes, but doors to other quantum realities.  What this meant was that the city was PACKED TO THE GILLS with alternate versions of the PCs - and alternate versions of their friends and enemies too.

It was quite fun, and pretty confusing too.  This one evil drow lady who had dogged the party for 5 levels - then was finally killed - popped back up in Sigil as a bartender.  A very nice bartender.

The dwarf in the party, Malgrim, was amused when a pack of Malgrims ambushed the party and tried to kill them.  He was upset - and even insulted - when he found out that all of the Malgrim's were just minions - 1 hp wonders.  He felt that his brethren should be much more powerful than that.

The thief - Dash - in the party went through a hell of a time.  It seems that one of his alternates had become the grand poo-bah head of the city-wide thieves guild, and wanted to eliminate all copies of himself in the city.  Poor thief.

It was pretty fun - especially playing the players PCs in the PCs faces.

- Ark

PS - Oh oh oh - and I made LADY versions of the PCs too.  How fun!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Dungeonspiration: John Martin


One of the guys who I chase with dragons on the weekends turned me on to an artist named John Martin.  Martin was active in the first half of the 19th century.  His paintings are epic.  Not in the way that The Boy uses the word.  Martin's vision was BIG, his scale HUGE, and his topics LEGENDARY. He painted pictures of places where D&D characters should be travelling to.


As well as a painter, Martin was a fencing master, an engraver, and an amateur sewer engineer.  He hung around scientists, engineers, and science fiction writers, played chess, and experimented with mezzotint technology.  Okay, let's cut to the chase.  The dude was a glorious English nerd-boy and geek extraordinaire.


The scenes John Martin painted and engraved just amaze me, and get my mind going at 90 miles an hour.  I want to design D&D adventures to fit these images.  Go chase his stuff down on Google.  I bet you will too.



- Ark